"This too shall run it's course." That's what I said seven years ago. Truth is, it's only going to get worse and require more time if you let that happen, as I did. Doing the "right thing" becomes a two-way street eventually but once people have become dependent on you that two-way street becomes harder and harder to access. Every time you do get a chance to take a break the phone will ring, which pretty much invades your break over and over again until there was no break at all. "Don't wait" for an opportune time because they will seldom come, if ever. Schedule things in advance and let everyone know that you'll be, "out of reach except in the case of extreme emergency." If you allow it you'll just keep getting sucked in deeper and deeper simply because, "you're the only recognized caregiver." As things progress doctors, hospice, visiting aids, pharmacies, you name it, they'll all be needing to talk to you all the time. So here's some food for thought:
1) Adult day cares. I started using one. They can be found for as little as $5 to $10 per hour and many of them will even offer 24/7 extended stays. "Use them!"
2) Family - sometimes you just have to draw the line in the sand. "Today is your day. Period!" If you don't do this they will always have reasons why they can't. Don't be afraid to upset this boat if you must.
3) And last, your mother's family doctor can really turn you onto some good options as far as getting help and they can even hook you up with people who will help you find those adult day care facilities. This same doctor can also order home health aids, etc., that are paid for through medicare and medicaid. "Take all the help you can get!" Did I mention that my father has Alzheimer and compared to mother he's the easy one. So I have two at age 87.
And on a closing note, my mother has grown so nasty, hostile, and hard headed she fell and hit her head on the concrete the other day. When the ambulance arrived they took the concrete to the hospital.If it wasn't for humor I'd be insane by now.
Trust me, if you let it happen the 24/7 caregiver thing can "and will" take over your entire life if you allow it to. Don't allow it to happen! It can actually start to wear on your own physical and mental health if you do. I finally had to put my foot down, draw that line in the sand. "I either get some time away or I'm out of here. Period!"
I find myself retreating upstairs to my bedroom with my 2 beagalies and drink in hand to get away from her.
I glad that she goes into her bedroom after Jeopardy most of the time! Plus on Monday and Friday nights I go up there to watch Monday Night Raw and Friday Night Smackdown....my escapes. And like I always keep in mind "And this too shall pass". My poor mother died at 54 years of age back in 1988 from the flu. She was a pistol----a jokester, never said bad things about people, help everyone. Guess that's where I get it!!! Amen From one loving happy mother to a miserable negative mother-in-law. But "Thank you bigscoop for all the advice to help. Bless you too in your situation
What burns me up is when my husband comes home from the oil well, he does not help one iota. He don't make her coffee, get her water, make a meal for her....nothing to give me a break and it's his mom!!! Man saying that I would "help" was received as "I will dedicate myself 100%" to them. There are no relatives in this state to help, her daughter lives in Alabama and has not mentioned coming here to give me a break so I can away. And at the mention of a daycare person coming here for the day puts her in a tizzy and she has sh#t fits. Like I said, she is a royal pain in the a## and don't mind being it. She knows everything and tries to control everything and everyone. She does not have Alzheimer's. She just has always been negative and rude. No matter who's feelings she hurts. Period. To tell you the truth, there are times that I could run up and down her with my mouth to set her in her place....but I don't out of respect and to keep the peace. I am going to ask the doctor for some xanax. Like what you say about humor, I'd be insane also. And sometimes by the time the evening comes around I look forward to those mixed drinks!
? Do you really think these people are nuts And I lifted the back of my shirt and revealed my tattoo that I have hid from her since I've known her (2000) She shut up fast and Jon laughed his as# of. He said he was glad that I stood up for myself! She don't know that I am getting my own bike, she suspects it, and of course she tells Jon how to spend his money and that we should invest every penny. So when I get my bike, she really is going to blow a fuse thinking that I am really a "Bad-Bad Woman".... Tattooed and a Harley.....one good shock.....LOL- Take care my fellow detectorists.....Life is GOOD
Travel safe L.P..
