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  1. #1
    us
    Mar 2008
    Michigan
    2,484
    2 times

    I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I'm not sure anyone else here can feel my pain, but here is my beef. Perhaps some of you can relate.

    We took another family vacation last week and I planned on hitting a few Banks on the way up to the camp ground.

    We pass through a couple of small towns on the way and I map quested the banks on the route the night before we left. We literally drive through the heart of these little city's on the way (35mph).

    Now I understand my wife and kids not wanting to make extra stops during the drive but in my head this is opportunity knocking.

    I mean if I'm 3 hours from home and I'm passing a small town bank why not pop in see what they got.

    Well my wife basically said no we can't stop. as we are passing 3 banks literally across the street from each other. I could have been in and out 5 minutes ea.

    She got all pissy with me so I passed those banks right by, but now I was fuming. So about 5 minutes pass and I starting to get angry because I'm thinking, WTF, I'm Driving, I'm Taking time out of my life to go camping (which I'm not particularly fond of). We are 3 hrs from home and I will not venture this far out on a road trip. This whole trip is for them. Can't I have 5, 10 or even 15 minuets to stop at a bank to possibly pay for the entire trip?

    Well I couldn't contain my anger and I argued the point with her and it turned into a huge argument.

    I fell like I'm right and she thinks I'm obsessed. (which I am) But come on it's just a couple of stops on the way.

    This whole ugly scene would have been avoided if she could just tolerat a couple of stops. Like I do when her and the kid's got to go potty every 1/2 hour. Or I'm hungry or this or that.

    I spent the 1st part of the camping trip brooding over the situation when everthing would have been fine if we could just have stopped at those banks that we crawled past on our way up.

    All I could think of was missed opportunity due to the intolerance from my wife as well as some disregard for something I truly enjoy.

    Maybe I'm being selfish......... But I think not.

    Can anyone Relate?

    Hopelessly obsessed with CRH'g Signed "Your Comrad"

    Mojo
    CRH Mojo "Thanks For buying American"

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  3. #2
    us
    Mar 2008
    Michigan
    2,484
    2 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Just so you know I do plenty of stuff with the kids.

    Here we are just stopping to get some ice cream on the ride home from some other thing we were doing.

    No one complained when I shelled out $20 at a spur of the moment stop that took half an hour to have some ice cream. But no we can't stop for you to pop in a bank and possibly score a motherload of silver..........

    Mojo
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

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    CRH Mojo "Thanks For buying American"

  4. #3

    Jan 2006
    1,229
    8 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Your significant other was being selfish. Look you are married and obviously love each other. People in relationships really need to learn to share and make time for each other and be supportive of their likes/hobbies.

    I'm female and I think she was being selfish. I think it it were me in that situation, I would have pulled the car into the banks and stopped anyways. Five or ten minutes would not have made a difference on the trip....deal with it.

    I take time and do things for other people so if I want to do something for myself.....I'm going to do it.

    Next time....do what you need to do....handle your business Mr.Mojo.

  5. #4

    Dec 2007
    702
    3 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I feel your pain. I had a similar situation not to long ago where the wife did not
    understand this hobby and thought it was a waste of time and money.
    I took some boxes of silver out and explained how it worked and how much those
    coins were worth. After all the explaining and taking her to a coin shop to see that
    I was telling the truth, we now stop at all the banks. She also prints out a map of
    banks when we go out.

    Never go to bed mad, it only gets worse the next day.

    Good luck

  6. #5
    us
    Jan 2008
    Black Hills of South Dakota
    Tesoro Lobo & Garrett Stinger
    4,158
    56 times
    All Types Of Treasure Hunting

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Gee, I can see this from both sides.

    But first, a question or two.

    1) If you stopped at one of those banks, and found something great, would you have spent all your vacation money purchasing what you found?

    2) While you say you do things with the wife and kids all the time, did I understand that this vacation and trip was specifically for them? (which translates to: not you?

    3) Why didn't you just stop? Is it that you can never do something for the wife/kids without doing something separate for yourself too?

    4) Do your 5 or 10 minutes turn into hours on a regular basis?

    5) Why do you feel that because you are 'driving' and doing 'their thing', that you deserve to do your thing? Are you 'trading favors' with the family?


    Now, after asking all these questions - I empathize with the whole deal. I suggest first, don't let the anger fester. If you want to do something, and ask, and if getting a 'no' answer is going to tick you off, either don't go off with the family doing things you hate to do, or just stop and do it, so that you don't feel 'put out'. (us treasure hunters ARE all obsessed, you know - if the spouse isn't a treasure hunter, I am sure they don't understand the "need" to find just one more thing). We are like grown up kids - just 5 more minutes, mom.

    I suggest, though, that you don't go out with your family if not getting your way is going to start a war. Make a rule or two for your trips, so that everyone is happy - or as happy as possible, anyway. Its no fun for anyone if everyone is ticked off.

    You COULD always make a day trip for yourself, too. That would get you 3 or 4 hours away from home, and some time for yourself to find those 'untried' banks - say once or twice a month - this way you aren't missing the cool stuff that you could possibly find, and you don't have to take time away from a family vacation. (I'm sorry, but, I think a family trip is for family stuff - you shouldn't have to get 'paid' for your 'sacrifice' of taking them somewhere they want to go).

    But I think your wife needs to understand that you and her are two different people, with your own hobbies and likes/dislikes, and there has to be time for both to do what they like to do.

    I hope you all can work it out.

    "Irony is the rule"

  7. #6
    us
    Feb 2008
    Great Lakes State
    #7
    8,574
    917 times
    silver surfing

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    All that just to feed the monkey. I wonder if AA might help a crh'er.

    ffd

  8. #7
    us
    Aug 2006
    Extreme Northern NJ
    whites classic sl,whites surfmaster
    1,567
    219 times
    All Types Of Treasure Hunting

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I don't think your request was unreasonable. Sorry you missed out.
    R.I.P Rich Hartford (We will miss you)

  9. #8
    us
    Sep 2008
    115

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I still remember from 40+ years ago when I was a kid our vacations always were filled with tension because my Mom and Dad were always arguing. From that perspective you and the wife should get on the same page and don't subject the kids to needless
    tensions. Either CRH or go on vacation or both but make sure the wife knows the plans ahead of time.
    The few silver you'd find does not compare to the memories your children will carry forever.

  10. #9

    Oct 2007
    Hampton Roads, VA.
    bounty hunter sharp shooter 2, minelab sovereign xs 2a pro
    2,771
    18 times
    Banner Finds (1)

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    " I fell like I'm right and she thinks I'm obsessed. (which I am) But come on it's just a couple of stops on the way."

    Hahaha man I am laughing my butt off right now. Sounds like my regular outing with my wife and child. You see I think I found a solution to your problem. You are not obsessed enough...Let me explain. When I started this coin roll hunting thing I hit every bank in my area and the neighboring cities within a couple of months. I then branched out to cities an hour a way or so. And on and on it went until I hit all neighboring states (and a few others) several times. Yes I drug my wife along and my child... does that make me a monster?) No. My wife was happy to get away and see other areas of the country. We stayed in a hotel and ate nice breakfasts. It was great!!! Occassionaly We would run into problems at first when half of the day would be used up going to dozens of banks but man did I hit it big. Now a days when I have a moment like yours (which can still happen) I point out that I just want to stop into a couple banks and that at least we are not going to dozens. She now gives up the fight much quicker. That is stategy my friend. Get her to agree to it a couple of times and you are in. Loved the story because I have been there. Love the picture by the way....You ummmm look like that happy papa. lol


    Golden Silver

  11. #10

    Oct 2007
    Hampton Roads, VA.
    bounty hunter sharp shooter 2, minelab sovereign xs 2a pro
    2,771
    18 times
    Banner Finds (1)

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    It seems you are not alone mojo. LOL I think many more will end up spilling their problems here later.

    Golden Silver

  12. #11
    us
    Aug 2008
    Ace 350
    1,230
    96 times
    Banner Finds (1)

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Sounds a little bit like my recent weekend trip. The difference was I also had a $25 box of 2009 log cabins up on ebay at the same time. The wife was impressed as they made their way over $175 and she could see the value of a few bank stops. It was still negotiating time just to hit a few banks on the ride. Luckily I avoided the fuming time for half the trip and we had a good time. I feel your pain...would have preferred to have added about two hours to the drive and had some real fun searching for a couple virgin banks along the way but not worth the hassle. Either you enjoy it or you don't and my (your) wife doesn't. I agree about slipping in a couple four hour cruises for the coins. Tell the wife that that is how you will deal with your obsession. Also - you might cash in a few of your gains and get a family reward out of them - maybe a trip somewhere where you all want to go! (note to self...take own advise...)

    Maine_Jim

  13. #12
    us
    May 2009
    F75 LTD
    106

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Ok, I'll play the devil's advocate on this one.

    First, from her perspective, this wasn't just 5-10 min. and popping into just a few banks. She looks at your hobby cumulatively. She's looking at the XX number of hours you devote to this hobby each week. Have you dedicated the same number of hours to doing things with your kids, with her?

    I'm not saying that I'm taking her side, but you have to consider that each time you go out CRHing that you have to reciprocate an equal or similar amount of time and effort on activities that they like.

    I've been married for 13 years myself and everytime I go out CRHing on a Friday (which is my off day), I know that I'll need to dedicate at least that much time later in the weekend to what she and the kids want to do. I do enjoy spending time with them, but sometimes I have to make a conscience effort to repay the family time lost on this hobby.

    Also, something I've learned: I don't talk about my bank trips with her anymore. The more she hears about it the more she loses her patience with it. So I don't bring it up unless she asks me.


  14. #13
    us
    Jun 2008
    Sausalito Blvd Sausalito CA 94965
    605

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    ..And to think you probably missed a motherlode , you may of come out with solid rolls!! , I can understand your point, 5 or 10 minutes doesn't seem like much, probably though, your wife wanted this vacation time to be that, pure vacation, it's not worth causing massive problems though, I think I may have explained to her, that stopping and checking out the banks was for the "Benefit" of both of us AND the kids.....but sometimes it just isn't worth it

  15. #14
    us
    da book worm--researcher

    Feb 2007
    callahan,fl
    delta 4000 / ace 250 - used BH and many others too
    14,257
    627 times
    Honorable Mentions (1)

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    do the "family time thing" -- then on the way going back home hit a bank or two --"after" shes had "her" quality time with you and spent up a good bit of the "vaction" money on her and the kids "fun time"---she might think if you get boxes that the "vaction" will be cut short fiscally and that you'll disengage --and spend the "vaction time" coin rolling instead of with her and the kids .

  16. #15

    Apr 2008
    3,041
    135 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I think you should have been allowed to get the coins. After all, it is YOUR vacation too. If it would have only been the three banks (not forty-three), there is no reason your wife should have stopped you.

    I don't mean to play psychologist here, but based on your wife's behavior I would bet that she is not a big fan of your CRHing in general. Perhaps she tolerates it while you are at home, but felt in this instance it was a no-no. She might have been thinking or saying ("this is our vacation, there will be none of that stupid hobby of yours"). Sort of like a vacation is for getting away from work, stress and hubby's dumb hobby

    Maybe if you can get her involved in CRHing and let her have her portion of the finds (to go sell at a coin shop and let her spend the rewards however she wants) she will become interested and may want to stop at future banks. But then you would have a competitor in a way I guess.

    Jim
    R.I.P. Rich Hartford

  17. #16
    us
    Anybody else cold? It's freezing here.

    Dec 2008
    Nap Town
    534

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    since you asked i thought i'd add my two cents.

    I've recently had a LOT of trouble with this. My wife didn't like the hobby from the start, and at one point we got into an argument about how I do it EVERY night. I told her it made me happy, and this was during her pregnancy. She let it go but the frustration continued to build inside her. I've been stepping up my box orders this last few weeks and we had a huge argument about something else this past weekend. My coin hobby got brought up and basically she said how much it annoyed her and how much time i spent on it during the pregnancy instead of spending time with her. I feel like an ass for neglecting her during pregnancy to do my precious coin habit. So in a way I'm going to have to mend my hobby addiction because I want my family to be happy. If they are happy then I'm happy (and may get to do more coins!).

    Now would I be feeling the same thing on the car ride? Yes, I'd love to stop. If you anticipate the situation occurring talk with your wife prior to your departure. Ask if you can stop at banks...if she says no then forget about it, enjoy your time with your family. Maybe even through out a number if she says yes...like...I can stop at 3 or 5. Then strategize to see which may be best. Perhaps stopping for ice cream before you go to banks ( ice cream in the morning... ).

    I used to get antsy driving by banks and not stopping. I tell myself there is always silver out there for me to find and just forget about it. Maybe not the best attitude but it keeps you from wondering what if...? Maybe you're wondering what if is why you always get so much silver. Now i'm just rambling, but hopefully something here will help.

    ~phrostie~
    Oldest Coin YTD - 1892 Columbian Commemorative Half Dollar

  18. #17

    May 2006
    CO, AZ
    dfx, Ryedale!
    1,642
    133 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    As some of the others here have already said, it seems that the issue may not have been the 5 minutes that you would have spent at those banks, but the bigger issue of the time you spend with CRH in general. Your wife obviously does not have the same enthusiasm you have for the hobby. I bet ther are times when she wants you to help with the kids, or sit with her, or do something, and you are busy looking at coins, or opening boxes, or talking about rolls. It's just the way it is. But, that has added up (cumulative is the word I remember someone using) and she is a little tired about it. So, when this trip was planned, she was thinking she was getting this problem off her mind for a few days. There would be other problems, and other joys, but CRH would be left at home.

    When you wanted to stop, her anger over your selfishness and not sharing time with her at HOME boiled over into the 5 minutes you wanted to "steal" from her on this trip. (And yes, I think that if (since) you were on a family vacation then spending an hour with the kids eating ice cream or looking at the "world's largest ball of twine" is okay, but spending 5 minutes for "you time" is a potential problem with the spouse)

    I think you need a larger converstion about your time spent and how she feels you are doing with helping out around the house and with the kids. See where the BIG picture is at. Find out if she has issues (I think she does) and how to resolve those issues (which is NOT the same thing as you giving in. Solving issues is a compromise and some issues you win and some you lose, but it is not just giving in on what you want for what she wants). Deal with the big issue, and then narrow it down to CRH. Find out what she thinks of your time with CRH. Do you spend a lot of time doing CRH activities at home? I KNOW you do, just from your posts. Yes, you are "one of us" An addict to CRH. So find out how it is affecting HER. And then work on solving that too.

    I bet if you had a converstaion about it BEFORE you left on the trip, and said that you wanted to spend time with them but also do some CRH stops along the way, a compromise might have been reached. maybe you could stop but not open them on the trip (hence taking time from the family in her eyes, and spending it in your hobby instead of with the family), or maybe you could stop on the way home. Or maybe you could stop but only for a maximum of five banks. Or even find a little town with some banks and an ice cream shop and stop and let them go get ice cream while you get coins. I don't know what compromise YOU would have come to, as there are many potentials, but the point is that you blindsided her with asking for self time on a fmaily time trip. You should have asked her about it before you left, or even on the way up. But not when you were already there. And the anger that came from her came from a bigger issue of how you spend your time, and how much time you CRH.

    That's a short version. I have done a lot of counseling over the years as a pastor of churches, and it is NEVER as simple as this sounds, because this is just the tip, but hopefully you can at least take this as a sign of a bigger problem and not the problem itself, and see if you and the wife can talk about the bigger issue of your time and CRH in general.

    Hopefully this little bit of kibbitzing hits a receptacle in your brain. I know you TOO are angry, so maybe you don't want to hear this side. But that's my 2 wheat (meaning old) cents worth.

  19. #18
    us
    Nov 2004
    Edwards,Missouri
    MXT - DeLeon - Gamma 6000
    5,602
    34 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Did you think about not mentioning it until on the way home?You could have suggested that the kids could look through the coins on the way home and it would occupy their time.The wife may have been more receptive to that since you spent the camping time together.Have to plan ahead,like having a small gift for the wife to give her on the way back for making the camping time together so enjoyable.(ahem)Devious usually always works!

  20. #19
    us
    Feb 2009
    Henderson Tx
    Whites IV
    533

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I personally think your wife is 100% correct. It was a waste of family time and you shouldn't even have asked. But I tell you what you tell me the names of the towns and I'll run through there and see what you missed, that way you will have some closer on the matter. I know the hardest part is not knowing.

    :P Obviously I'm not serious, I feel your pain I have had the same discussion many many times with my wife. It was not until CRH PAID for our vacation that she eased up. It was nice to say "How much are we short" and give her double that ammount. Now she thinks its serious and not a waste of my time.

    Michael
    I will persist until I succeed.

    I was not delivered into this world into defeat, nor does failure course in my veins.  I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd.  I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep.

    I will persist until I succeed

  21. #20

    Apr 2008
    3,041
    135 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    When I read all these posts it makes me glad I am not married. I guess I am not such a big fan of compromise...compromise....compromise, all the time. Some people use the word "compromise" to mean you don't get to do it or have it (based on whatever the situation may be). My girlfriend now is great, but I have heard that once the ring goes on the finger, many "things" change. That idea scares the hell out of me.

    One thing I thought of after my first post on this is that Mojo mentioned in the past (at least I think it was Mojo) was that he had been unemployed due to his working in the auto industry and he was searching for new work.

    If this is true, it makes me even more certain that he should have been allowed to stop at the few banks on the trip. Being out of work is very stressful, and would be even more stressful if you have a family to take care of. If stopping at a few banks makes him happy (since it is HIS vacation too), why not let him do it?

    The compromise could have been that he was not allowed to search through the coins until they got home (he could have left them in the trunk-let's say he got more than a roll or two).

    Additionally, CRHing does bring in money to the family if you get numbers like Mojo has posted in the past (passing up a bank is like giving up potential income). Again, we are talking three banks that are close to each other and not hitting every bank on the way. If that were the case, I would say the wife was right to be mad.

    I wonder why vacations often bring out big fighting between the parents. I remember as a kid going on some family vacations and my parents usually had a big fight at some point on the way there (when we drove in the car)?

    Jim
    R.I.P. Rich Hartford

 

 
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