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  1. #1
    us
    Mar 2008
    Michigan
    2,484
    2 times

    I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I'm not sure anyone else here can feel my pain, but here is my beef. Perhaps some of you can relate.

    We took another family vacation last week and I planned on hitting a few Banks on the way up to the camp ground.

    We pass through a couple of small towns on the way and I map quested the banks on the route the night before we left. We literally drive through the heart of these little city's on the way (35mph).

    Now I understand my wife and kids not wanting to make extra stops during the drive but in my head this is opportunity knocking.

    I mean if I'm 3 hours from home and I'm passing a small town bank why not pop in see what they got.

    Well my wife basically said no we can't stop. as we are passing 3 banks literally across the street from each other. I could have been in and out 5 minutes ea.

    She got all pissy with me so I passed those banks right by, but now I was fuming. So about 5 minutes pass and I starting to get angry because I'm thinking, WTF, I'm Driving, I'm Taking time out of my life to go camping (which I'm not particularly fond of). We are 3 hrs from home and I will not venture this far out on a road trip. This whole trip is for them. Can't I have 5, 10 or even 15 minuets to stop at a bank to possibly pay for the entire trip?

    Well I couldn't contain my anger and I argued the point with her and it turned into a huge argument.

    I fell like I'm right and she thinks I'm obsessed. (which I am) But come on it's just a couple of stops on the way.

    This whole ugly scene would have been avoided if she could just tolerat a couple of stops. Like I do when her and the kid's got to go potty every 1/2 hour. Or I'm hungry or this or that.

    I spent the 1st part of the camping trip brooding over the situation when everthing would have been fine if we could just have stopped at those banks that we crawled past on our way up.

    All I could think of was missed opportunity due to the intolerance from my wife as well as some disregard for something I truly enjoy.

    Maybe I'm being selfish......... But I think not.

    Can anyone Relate?

    Hopelessly obsessed with CRH'g Signed "Your Comrad"

    Mojo
    CRH Mojo "Thanks For buying American"

  2. #2
    us
    Mar 2008
    Michigan
    2,484
    2 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Just so you know I do plenty of stuff with the kids.

    Here we are just stopping to get some ice cream on the ride home from some other thing we were doing.

    No one complained when I shelled out $20 at a spur of the moment stop that took half an hour to have some ice cream. But no we can't stop for you to pop in a bank and possibly score a motherload of silver..........

    Mojo
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    CRH Mojo "Thanks For buying American"

  3. #3

    Jan 2006
    1,229
    8 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Your significant other was being selfish. Look you are married and obviously love each other. People in relationships really need to learn to share and make time for each other and be supportive of their likes/hobbies.

    I'm female and I think she was being selfish. I think it it were me in that situation, I would have pulled the car into the banks and stopped anyways. Five or ten minutes would not have made a difference on the trip....deal with it.

    I take time and do things for other people so if I want to do something for myself.....I'm going to do it.

    Next time....do what you need to do....handle your business Mr.Mojo.

  4. #4

    Dec 2007
    706
    6 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I feel your pain. I had a similar situation not to long ago where the wife did not
    understand this hobby and thought it was a waste of time and money.
    I took some boxes of silver out and explained how it worked and how much those
    coins were worth. After all the explaining and taking her to a coin shop to see that
    I was telling the truth, we now stop at all the banks. She also prints out a map of
    banks when we go out.

    Never go to bed mad, it only gets worse the next day.

    Good luck

  5. #5
    us
    Jan 2008
    Black Hills of South Dakota
    Tesoro Lobo & Garrett Stinger
    4,192
    96 times
    All Types Of Treasure Hunting

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Gee, I can see this from both sides.

    But first, a question or two.

    1) If you stopped at one of those banks, and found something great, would you have spent all your vacation money purchasing what you found?

    2) While you say you do things with the wife and kids all the time, did I understand that this vacation and trip was specifically for them? (which translates to: not you?

    3) Why didn't you just stop? Is it that you can never do something for the wife/kids without doing something separate for yourself too?

    4) Do your 5 or 10 minutes turn into hours on a regular basis?

    5) Why do you feel that because you are 'driving' and doing 'their thing', that you deserve to do your thing? Are you 'trading favors' with the family?


    Now, after asking all these questions - I empathize with the whole deal. I suggest first, don't let the anger fester. If you want to do something, and ask, and if getting a 'no' answer is going to tick you off, either don't go off with the family doing things you hate to do, or just stop and do it, so that you don't feel 'put out'. (us treasure hunters ARE all obsessed, you know - if the spouse isn't a treasure hunter, I am sure they don't understand the "need" to find just one more thing). We are like grown up kids - just 5 more minutes, mom.

    I suggest, though, that you don't go out with your family if not getting your way is going to start a war. Make a rule or two for your trips, so that everyone is happy - or as happy as possible, anyway. Its no fun for anyone if everyone is ticked off.

    You COULD always make a day trip for yourself, too. That would get you 3 or 4 hours away from home, and some time for yourself to find those 'untried' banks - say once or twice a month - this way you aren't missing the cool stuff that you could possibly find, and you don't have to take time away from a family vacation. (I'm sorry, but, I think a family trip is for family stuff - you shouldn't have to get 'paid' for your 'sacrifice' of taking them somewhere they want to go).

    But I think your wife needs to understand that you and her are two different people, with your own hobbies and likes/dislikes, and there has to be time for both to do what they like to do.

    I hope you all can work it out.

    "Irony is the rule"

  6. #6
    us
    Feb 2008
    Great Lakes State
    dirtfishing
    8,966
    1071 times
    silver surfing

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    All that just to feed the monkey. I wonder if AA might help a crh'er.

    ffd

  7. #7
    us
    Aug 2006
    Extreme Northern NJ
    whites classic sl,whites surfmaster
    1,621
    250 times
    All Types Of Treasure Hunting

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I don't think your request was unreasonable. Sorry you missed out.
    R.I.P Rich Hartford (We will miss you)

  8. #8
    us
    Sep 2008
    115

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I still remember from 40+ years ago when I was a kid our vacations always were filled with tension because my Mom and Dad were always arguing. From that perspective you and the wife should get on the same page and don't subject the kids to needless
    tensions. Either CRH or go on vacation or both but make sure the wife knows the plans ahead of time.
    The few silver you'd find does not compare to the memories your children will carry forever.

  9. #9

    Oct 2007
    Hampton Roads, VA.
    bounty hunter sharp shooter 2, minelab sovereign xs 2a pro
    2,771
    18 times
    Banner Finds (1)

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    " I fell like I'm right and she thinks I'm obsessed. (which I am) But come on it's just a couple of stops on the way."

    Hahaha man I am laughing my butt off right now. Sounds like my regular outing with my wife and child. You see I think I found a solution to your problem. You are not obsessed enough...Let me explain. When I started this coin roll hunting thing I hit every bank in my area and the neighboring cities within a couple of months. I then branched out to cities an hour a way or so. And on and on it went until I hit all neighboring states (and a few others) several times. Yes I drug my wife along and my child... does that make me a monster?) No. My wife was happy to get away and see other areas of the country. We stayed in a hotel and ate nice breakfasts. It was great!!! Occassionaly We would run into problems at first when half of the day would be used up going to dozens of banks but man did I hit it big. Now a days when I have a moment like yours (which can still happen) I point out that I just want to stop into a couple banks and that at least we are not going to dozens. She now gives up the fight much quicker. That is stategy my friend. Get her to agree to it a couple of times and you are in. Loved the story because I have been there. Love the picture by the way....You ummmm look like that happy papa. lol


    Golden Silver

  10. #10

    Oct 2007
    Hampton Roads, VA.
    bounty hunter sharp shooter 2, minelab sovereign xs 2a pro
    2,771
    18 times
    Banner Finds (1)

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    It seems you are not alone mojo. LOL I think many more will end up spilling their problems here later.

    Golden Silver

  11. #11
    us
    Aug 2008
    Ace 350
    1,263
    121 times
    Banner Finds (1)

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Sounds a little bit like my recent weekend trip. The difference was I also had a $25 box of 2009 log cabins up on ebay at the same time. The wife was impressed as they made their way over $175 and she could see the value of a few bank stops. It was still negotiating time just to hit a few banks on the ride. Luckily I avoided the fuming time for half the trip and we had a good time. I feel your pain...would have preferred to have added about two hours to the drive and had some real fun searching for a couple virgin banks along the way but not worth the hassle. Either you enjoy it or you don't and my (your) wife doesn't. I agree about slipping in a couple four hour cruises for the coins. Tell the wife that that is how you will deal with your obsession. Also - you might cash in a few of your gains and get a family reward out of them - maybe a trip somewhere where you all want to go! (note to self...take own advise...)

    Maine_Jim

  12. #12
    us
    May 2009
    F75 LTD
    106

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    Ok, I'll play the devil's advocate on this one.

    First, from her perspective, this wasn't just 5-10 min. and popping into just a few banks. She looks at your hobby cumulatively. She's looking at the XX number of hours you devote to this hobby each week. Have you dedicated the same number of hours to doing things with your kids, with her?

    I'm not saying that I'm taking her side, but you have to consider that each time you go out CRHing that you have to reciprocate an equal or similar amount of time and effort on activities that they like.

    I've been married for 13 years myself and everytime I go out CRHing on a Friday (which is my off day), I know that I'll need to dedicate at least that much time later in the weekend to what she and the kids want to do. I do enjoy spending time with them, but sometimes I have to make a conscience effort to repay the family time lost on this hobby.

    Also, something I've learned: I don't talk about my bank trips with her anymore. The more she hears about it the more she loses her patience with it. So I don't bring it up unless she asks me.


  13. #13
    us
    Jun 2008
    Sausalito Blvd Sausalito CA 94965
    605

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    ..And to think you probably missed a motherlode , you may of come out with solid rolls!! , I can understand your point, 5 or 10 minutes doesn't seem like much, probably though, your wife wanted this vacation time to be that, pure vacation, it's not worth causing massive problems though, I think I may have explained to her, that stopping and checking out the banks was for the "Benefit" of both of us AND the kids.....but sometimes it just isn't worth it

  14. #14
    us
    da book worm--researcher

    Feb 2007
    callahan,fl
    delta 4000 / ace 250 - used BH and many others too
    14,533
    774 times
    Honorable Mentions (1)

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    do the "family time thing" -- then on the way going back home hit a bank or two --"after" shes had "her" quality time with you and spent up a good bit of the "vaction" money on her and the kids "fun time"---she might think if you get boxes that the "vaction" will be cut short fiscally and that you'll disengage --and spend the "vaction time" coin rolling instead of with her and the kids .

  15. #15

    Apr 2008
    3,205
    183 times

    Re: I need to share my troubles with you all.

    I think you should have been allowed to get the coins. After all, it is YOUR vacation too. If it would have only been the three banks (not forty-three), there is no reason your wife should have stopped you.

    I don't mean to play psychologist here, but based on your wife's behavior I would bet that she is not a big fan of your CRHing in general. Perhaps she tolerates it while you are at home, but felt in this instance it was a no-no. She might have been thinking or saying ("this is our vacation, there will be none of that stupid hobby of yours"). Sort of like a vacation is for getting away from work, stress and hubby's dumb hobby

    Maybe if you can get her involved in CRHing and let her have her portion of the finds (to go sell at a coin shop and let her spend the rewards however she wants) she will become interested and may want to stop at future banks. But then you would have a competitor in a way I guess.

    Jim
    R.I.P. Rich Hartford

 

 
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