Growing Old Statements
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  1. #1
    stefen

    Growing Old Statements

    SERENITY

    Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

    'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.

    'Two years older than me'

    'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

    She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?





    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman :

    'And what do you think is the best thing

    About being 104?' the reporter asked.

    She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'



    The nice thing about being senile is

    You can hide your own Easter eggs.



    I've sure gotten old!

    I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

    New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes

    I'm half blind,

    Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

    Take 40 different medications that

    Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

    Have bouts with dementia .

    Have poor circulation;

    Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

    Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

    Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,

    I still have my driver's license.



    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

    So I got my doctor's permission to

    Join a fitness club and start exercising.

    I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

    I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,

    By the time I got my leotards on,

    The class was over.



    My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

    Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



    Know how to prevent sagging?

    Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.



    It's scary when you start making the same noises

    As your coffee maker.



    These days about half the stuff

    In my shopping cart says,

    ' For fast relief.'



    THE SENILITY PRAYER :

    Grant me the senility to forget the people

    I never liked anyway,

    The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

    The eyesight to tell the difference.


    Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!


    Always Remember This :

    You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

    You grow old because you stop laughing!!





  2. #2

    May 2005
    7,209
    50 times

    Re: Growing Old Statements








    In the academies many books, at the circus many sacks of peanuts, at the club rooms many cigar butts.

  3. #3
    us
    Jul 2008
    East Jordan, Michigan
    Minelab Etrac & Quattro
    1,269
    14 times
    Honorable Mentions (1)

    Re: Growing Old Statements

    What?

    Couldn't get that. Could you write a little slower?

    Thanks,
    mark

  4. #4
    stefen

    Re: Growing Old Statements

    What happened?

    Got your tongue wrapped around your eyetooth and couldn't see what you were saying.

  5. #5
    mx
    Nov 2004
    Alamos,Sonora,Mexico
    14,603
    11808 times
    All Types Of Treasure Hunting

    Re: Growing Old Statements

    HII stephen: Watch it buster, thems fighting words. ?? er what were we talking about?? My long term memory is just fine, I remember going up San Jaun hill with Teddy in 86, or was it 96?? . I think that I survived.

    Don what's his name?
    "I exist to live, not live to exist"

  6. #6

    Aug 2005
    1,305
    59 times

    Re: Growing Old Statements

    I must be gettin' old I tell ya....the other day I went walking by the cemetery and two guys came running out after me with shovels!

  7. #7
    stefen

    Re: Growing Old Statements

    OK guys...put your blankies on the floor...nappy time

  8. #8
    us
    Endeaver to perservere

    Mar 2008
    Aloha, Orygun
    wishing stick
    1,372
    32 times
    Searching

    Re: Growing Old Statements


    Growing older sure beats the alternative.
    Nothing stated may be true as far as we know
    Seek professional advice. Some items are limited
    Not available in all states. Illigitimi non carborundum. Carpe oro.

  9. #9
    us
    Apr 2008
    Moronica, northwest of Chicago.
    E-trac & Bounty Hunter Land Star
    4,693
    23 times

    Re: Growing Old Statements

    God bless our veterans! Thank you for your sacrifices!

  10. #10
    us
    Feb 2007
    N ALABAMA
    A T PRO
    257
    6 times

    Re: Growing Old Statements

    Hey greydigger, that's my line.
    So much dirt, so little time....

 

 

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