The Front or the Back of the tree

Az Old Noob

Jr. Member
Dec 28, 2007
98
40
Arizona
The Front or the Back of the tree

A NEWFIE DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS CANADA TO SEE THE PACIFIC OCEAN. WHEN HE GETS TO NANAIMO, HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH HE DECIDES TO STAY.

BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!!

HE WALKS INTO THE MACMILLIAN-BLOEDEL OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOGGER. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE.

BUT FIRST, THE FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE BUSH TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE. 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS.

THE NEWFIE PROMPTLY ANSWERS, 'DATS DERE'S A SITKA SPRUCE, EH? AND SHE GOT 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER.'

THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION.

THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.

DAT'S YER DOUGLAS FIR AND SHE GOT 690 BOARD FEET.' SAYS THE NEWFIE.

NOW THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED. THE NEWFIE HAS ANSWERED QUICKLY AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!! A-m ONE MORE TEST.

THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, 'AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?'

BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE NEWFIE SAYS, 'A YELLER CEDAR, 242 BOARD FEET AT MOS'.'

THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE PISSED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE NEWFIE IS SMARTER THAN HE.

AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS THE NEWFIE TO STEP OUTSIDE. HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!

THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, 'IDIOT!! HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?

WHEN THE NEWFIE REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK.

HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. 'DAT'S DA FRONT A' DAT TREE FER SURE.' THE NEWFIE STATES.

THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, 'HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?'

THE NEWFIE LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, 'CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A DUMP BEHIND IT, EH?'

HE GOT THE JOB AND IS NOW THE FOREMAN!!!!!
 

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