Apr 15, 2012, 08:11 PM
Shove it up your........
|Shove It Up Your ...!
|Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up.
I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be danged if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside.
I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire.
When I finally got to the store, there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off.
Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.
I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke.
The phone is still ringing and it won't let up, I finally got back to answer it."
The pharmacist continues, "It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!!!"
Dear metal detector God,
Thank you for all the stuff I find, I really appreciate the coins, toys, junk jewelry, old bullets, and all the other neat stuff I find, I try not to complain and cuss when I find pulltabs, foil, and other garbage, and I try REALLY hard to be nice to people who irritate me. I only have one complaint, I have yet to find gold and it's been a year now!
Apr 15, 2012 08:11 PM
Apr 16, 2012, 11:09 PM
Endeaver to perservere
A nurse making her rounds and thinking about other things gets stopped several times in the hallway.
When she finally gets into the next patients room she grabs the chart, reaches into her shirt pocket,
pulls out a thermometer and says " Dam, some a$$hole took my pen!".
Nothing stated may be true as far as we know
Seek professional advice. Some items are limited
Not available in all states. Illigitimi non carborundum. Carpe oro.