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  1. #1
    Charter Member
    us
    Mar 2013
    SW, VA - Bull Mountain
    CTX, Excal II, EQ800, Fisher 1260X, Tesoro Royal Sabre, Tejon, Garrett ADSIII, Carrot, Stealth 920iX, Keene A52
    13,005
    17393 times
    Digging in the dirt & scooping in the water!

    A few short jokes I ran into......

    Two old guys in a boat fishing in the river when a funeral prosession crossed the bridge above them,,,,,,, one old man stood and tipped his hat, the other said that was right nice of him,,,,,,,, he said it was the least he could do as he was married to the woman for 50 years.

    ................

    I haven't spoken to my wife in over three months.

    We're not fighting...I just like to interrupt.

    ...............

    Husband’s Text (by mobile phone):

    Darling, I’ve been hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital.
    They have been making tests and taking X-rays.

    The blow to my head has been very strong but fortunately it seems that did not cause any
    serious injury.
    However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have
    to amputate the right foot.

    Wife’s Response:

    Who’s Paula?

    ..............................

    A rich man on his death bed, says to his wife. I want you to take all my money upstairs to the attic. So when I pass, I will be able to grab it on the my way up.
    The wife does as her husband had asked and a few days later the old fellow dies. The wife immediately runs up to the attic and just as she expected all the money was stil there and she says to herself, darn I knew I should have put his money in the basement.

    ............................

    A man calls his wife and says “Pack your bags! I just won the lottery!”

    The wife exclaims “That’s wonderful! Should I pack for warm weather or cold weather?”

    The man replies “I don’t give a damn what you pack. Just be gone by the time I get home!”

    ...........................

    A man and his wife and young son, Johnny are driving home when all three spot two dogs energetically "making love" on a neighbor's lawn. Johnny asks "Mom, Dad, are those dogs fighting?".

    Dad looks at Mom, Mom looks at Dad and Dad says "No, Johnny those dogs are just making a puppy". Johnny doesn't say anything and just thinks about that.

    Later in the evening, the parents put Johnny to bed early because Dad has a gleam in his eye. After he's in bed, the parents are together in their bedroom when Johnny opens the door and sees them making love.

    "Dad! Mom! what are you doing?" Mom looks at Dad, Dad looks at Mom and Dad says "Johnny, your Mother and I are making you a little Brother"

    Johnny takes that in for a second and says "Dad, could you turn Mom over? I'd rather have a puppy."

    ..............................

    A man is at work one day when he notices his male co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense”. The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings”. “Don’t make such a big deal out of it. It’s only an earring”, he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found it in my truck”

    .............................

    A FUNERAL SERVICE— is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

    A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the f**king wall!
    Republic of Vietnam 10/69 - 3/71, Cambodia April 27, 1970 on a mountain top with HUGE scorpions

    "'He jests at scars who never felt a wound'" c.s.lewis - 1940

    The Ten Commandments: http://www.godstenlaws.com/ten-comma.../#.UdAz65yynZg

    The Bill of Rights: http://billofrightsinstitute.org/fou...ill-of-rights/

    The Constitution: http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/cha...ranscript.html

  2. #2

    May 2014
    58
    26 times
    All Types Of Treasure Hunting
    Why I can't play golf anymore.

    One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy because I am used to
    walking the course and not riding.

    Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on
    the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's
    your name?"

    "Its Jerry , and I’m Okay thanks," I replied.
    "Jerry , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and
    I'll help you get the cart up later."
    "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife
    would like it."
    Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
    She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive.... I was weak.
    "Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
    After a restorative brandy, some creative putting lessons, and a local
    massage, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my
    wife is going to be really upset."
    "Don't be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won't know
    anything. By the way, where is she?"
    "Under the cart!," I said....




    Chris W.
    Using Tapatalk

 

 

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