Retirement Options
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Thread: Retirement Options

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  1. #1
    Charter Member
    us
    Mar 2013
    SW, VA - Bull Mountain
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    Digging in the dirt & scooping in the water!

    Retirement Options

    Something to ponder over.....

    You can retire to Phoenix or Tucson, Arizona where...
    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you "found shade".
    2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
    3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
    4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
    5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
    6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

    OR

    You can retire to California where...
    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
    2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
    5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
    6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

    OR

    You can retire to New York City where...
    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
    2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
    3. You think Central Park is "nature."
    4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
    5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
    6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

    OR

    You can retire to Minnesota where...
    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
    3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
    4. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

    OR

    You can retire to the Deep South where...
    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2. "Y' all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
    5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

    OR

    You can retire to Colorado where...
    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
    4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

    OR

    You can retire to the Midwest where...
    1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
    2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
    3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
    4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
    5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

    OR

    FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
    Republic of Vietnam 10/69 - 3/71, Cambodia April 27, 1970 on a mountain top with HUGE scorpions

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  2. #2
    Charter Member
    us
    Jul 2006
    Florida
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    You forgot in Florida you don't need jackets, snow shovels, windshield scrapers but you better have umbrellas close everyday....LOL
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  3. #3
    Charter Member
    us
    Diggin up TEXAS!

    Sep 2009
    Fort Worth,Texas
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeepseekerADS View Post
    FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

    Oh.... You could put Texas on this header..I never relized how many people actually retire here until I moved here from Florida

    No jokes, But when I go to my grocery store, i will see AT LEAST 1 person carring an oxygen tank...and apparently , no one has told people about debit cards..The second I see that check book come out, im changing lanes

  4. #4
    Charter Member
    us
    "WP"

    May 2012
    12,441
    19469 times
    Man.Original Post has midwest pegged. Don't neglect our economy generation method of building cars ,selling them then salting the roads to make corrosive disposable commodities the equivalent of zincoln cents.

  5. #5
    us
    Jul 2012
    San Antonio, Texas
    Garrett 250
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    Research/Limited field work
    Yep, pretty right on...

  6. #6
    us
    Tribal Member of United Houma Nation -

    Sep 2011
    Southeast Arkansas
    Ace 250
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    Cache Hunting
    Deep south ... yep. Ain't we got it great?

    Only problem is #3 isn't really allowed as a defense any more.
    "When under trial, let no one say: 'I am being tried by God.' For with evil things God cannot be tried, nor does he himself try anyone. . . . Do not be misled, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect present is from above, coming down from the Father of the celestial lights, who does not vary or change like the shifting shadows." --- James 1:13, 16, 17

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