I love lawyer jokes, and this one is the best I believe I've ever heard

[DeepseekerADS]

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass ?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed
you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are
over there eating grass under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the second poor man he stated, "You may come with
us, also."

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I
also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a
car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer
and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all
of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my
place. The grass is almost a foot high."

. . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story?
Look at Congress -- over 300 Lawyers!!!

 

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[kcm]

 

[signal_line]

That's why i say never vote for a lawyer.

 

[signal_line]

What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer? There are skid marks before the skunk!!!

 

[bill from lachine]

Folks,

This was told to me by a corporate lawyer I used to work with.

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of lake Michigan.....



A good start.....lol.

Regards + HH

Bill

 

[kcm]

Here's another one - What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of a lake?

A. - Sewage Treatment Facility
B. - Hazardous Waste Storage Facility
C. - A fun hobby
D. - All of the above

 

[signal_line]

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the other one percent a bad name.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A politician.

How does a lawyer sleep?
First they lie on one side, then they lie on the other side.

How many lawyer jokes are there?
Three.The others are all true stories.

 

[Chadeaux]

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A politician.

Yeah, actually it's Senator ... Gotta score 55 to be in the house.

[SIZE=-1]... and since I do work in the court system pretty regularly, I can confirm there are only three actual lawyer jokes. I can also confirm that the lawyers all want to know who wrote them so they can be sued.[/SIZE]

 

[aa battery]

my wife works for a law firm biggest this side of the river and right now she is spreading your joke

 

[toolmanbutch]

BaHaHaHaHaHa. This was better than the original joke.

What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer? There are skid marks before the skunk!!!

 

[Peyton Manning]

how did this one go?

A patient asked a transplant surgeon if a scientists brain would be best,
the Doc said yes, but if you need a heart get one from a lawyer, it's unused.

 

[DeepseekerADS]

=

how did this one go? A patient asked a transplant surgeon if a scientists brain would be best,
the Doc said yes, but if you need a heart get one from a lawyer, it's unused.

Good to see you back Jeff

 

[Peyton Manning]

well this is my favorite time of year, I have been out fishing ,detecting, and just enjoying the outdoors

 

[ScubaDetector]

Why do they bury lawyers 12' down instead of the customary 6 when they die?

Cause deep down they are really good people.


It was so cold out one day last winter, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.


There is a major problems with lawyer jokes.

Lawyers don't think they are funny and people don't think they are jokes.


What do you call a bus load of lawyers that goes off a cliff with two empty seats?

A waste of two good seats.


A bus load of lawyers went missing on an excursion and the local sheriff went to investigate. He found the bus on its side on a hairpin turn on a country road. the sheriff went to to the nearest house and knocked on the door to inquire if he saw the lawyers. The farmer answered and said sure did, he buried them all. The sheriff said you're telling me they were all dead?

The farmer replied, well some of them said they weren't, but you know how lawyers lie.

St Peter goes to God and says that there is a hole in the clouds and people are escaping from hell into heaven and satin was threatening to sue. God replies, and why is that a problem. St. Peter said, well he has all the lawyers.

 

[ecmo]

MY FAVORITE

During a homicide trial in Nassau County, N. Y. the witness had just stated that he saw the victim lying on the ground, obviously dead. The defense lawyer rose to his feet and conducted the following cross-examination:
"Sir, are you a doctor?"
"No," replied the witness.
"Well are you a paramedic?"
"No I am not" the witness said.
"Have you ever gone to medical school?"
"Never" was the answer.
"Than tell me sir, how do you know the victim was indeed dead?"
"Well," responded the witness, " I went to his funeral."

Sent from my LG-V495 using Tapatalk

 

[ScubaDetector]

A priest a boy scout and a super wealthy politician were in a small commuter plane traveling between airports. The pilot rushed back and said the plane is going to crash and there are only 3 parachutes, good luck! he takes a chute and jumps out. The rich politician says my country needs me and I am smart. So he grabs a chute and jumps. the priest says son, I have lived a long life, take the last chute and live on. the boy scout says father, there are two chutes left, the smart politician took my knapsack.

A man was needing a brain transplant. The Dr comes in and says we have three different kinds. A rocket scientist brain will be 20 thousand a pound, an engineer's will be 5 thousand a pound and a lawyers will be 200 thousand a pound. The man say's wow, why are the lawyers brains so much?

The Dr. replies, Do you have any idea how many lawyers it takes to get a pound of brains?


And their was a notice at the scientific laboratory. They had decided to use lawyers instead of laboratory rats for three reasons.

1. Lawyers were more plentiful than rats

2. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.

3. There are things that rats just won't do.