Michelle
Bronze Member
- May 7, 2006
- 2,405
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- All Treasure Hunting
"DAYUM" Good Forum Humor
- Thread starter stoney56
- Start date
"DAYUM" Good 
GunFarce
Hero Member
Found This on another forum... Just 'had' to spread it around...
(No offence intended
)
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics
these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!!
Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website site(frightening, isn't it!)
The answers are a joke but the questions were really asked.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants
grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and
watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada?(Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to Contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's(cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by Spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
(No offence intended
)Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics
these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!!
Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website site(frightening, isn't it!)
The answers are a joke but the questions were really asked.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants
grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and
watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada?(Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to Contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's(cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by Spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
- Thread starter
- #283
Why I Love Saskatchewan
When it's springtime in Saskatchewan,
And the gentle breezes blow
About seventy miles an hour
And it's fifty-two below.
You can tell you're in Saskatchewan
'cause the snow's up to your butt
And you take a breath of springtime air
And your nose holes both freeze shut.
The weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Saskatchewan
My feet are frozen to the ground!
When it's springtime in Saskatchewan,
And the gentle breezes blow
About seventy miles an hour
And it's fifty-two below.
You can tell you're in Saskatchewan
'cause the snow's up to your butt
And you take a breath of springtime air
And your nose holes both freeze shut.
The weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Saskatchewan
My feet are frozen to the ground!
Michigan Badger
Gold Member
stoney56 said:
I don't mind sayin that poem choked me up a bit...sniff sniff.
- Thread starter
- #286
Addendum (provided by Robert Holman)....
Are you feeling old?
If not, consider this:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980!
The Iranian hostage crisis occurred before they were conceived.
They have no memory of a time before MTV.
"New Wave" is their PARENTS musical generation!
Cyndi Lauper, Boy George, the Pretenders, the Kinks, the Sex Pistols -- are all old music they have heard of, if they have heard of it at all.
They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era.
They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
If they have heard the name "Oliver North," it was probably as a losing Congressional candidate, or perhaps in some obscure survey history text's reference, such as might be made to Huey Long or Teapot Dome.
Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
Their world has always included AIDS!
Having not lived through the Disco Scare, they can romanticize the 1970s.
They see "Family Ties" as something middle aged ladies watch.
They watched "Star Wars" years ago, when they were kids -- on video.
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums and cassette audiotapes; they may have heard of an 8-track, but probably never actually seen (or heard) one.
From their earliest years, a camera was something you used once and threw away.
As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
The oil crisis is history of which they probably know nothing -- and why anyone WOULDN'T buy a Chevy Suburban is beyond them.
Most of them have probably never seen a real nun, even if they went to Catholic schools!
Are you feeling old?
If not, consider this:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980!
The Iranian hostage crisis occurred before they were conceived.
They have no memory of a time before MTV.
"New Wave" is their PARENTS musical generation!
Cyndi Lauper, Boy George, the Pretenders, the Kinks, the Sex Pistols -- are all old music they have heard of, if they have heard of it at all.
They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era.
They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
If they have heard the name "Oliver North," it was probably as a losing Congressional candidate, or perhaps in some obscure survey history text's reference, such as might be made to Huey Long or Teapot Dome.
Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
Their world has always included AIDS!
Having not lived through the Disco Scare, they can romanticize the 1970s.
They see "Family Ties" as something middle aged ladies watch.
They watched "Star Wars" years ago, when they were kids -- on video.
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums and cassette audiotapes; they may have heard of an 8-track, but probably never actually seen (or heard) one.
From their earliest years, a camera was something you used once and threw away.
As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
The oil crisis is history of which they probably know nothing -- and why anyone WOULDN'T buy a Chevy Suburban is beyond them.
Most of them have probably never seen a real nun, even if they went to Catholic schools!
- Thread starter
- #287
19 Signs You're Getting Old
1. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
3. You feel like the morning after but you haven't been anywhere.
4. Your children begin to look middle-aged.
5. You've finally reached the top of the ladder, only to find that it's leaning against the wrong wall.
6. Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
7. You look forward to a dull evening.
8. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "Twenty Years Ago Today".
9. You turn out the light for economic reasons.
10. You sit in the rocking chair and you can't get it going.
11. Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
12. You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
13. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 110 around the golf course.
14. Your pacemaker makes the garage door open when you see a pretty young thing
15. The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
16. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
17. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
18. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
19. Your broad mind and your narrow waist have exchanged places.
1. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
3. You feel like the morning after but you haven't been anywhere.
4. Your children begin to look middle-aged.
5. You've finally reached the top of the ladder, only to find that it's leaning against the wrong wall.
6. Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
7. You look forward to a dull evening.
8. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "Twenty Years Ago Today".
9. You turn out the light for economic reasons.
10. You sit in the rocking chair and you can't get it going.
11. Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
12. You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
13. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 110 around the golf course.
14. Your pacemaker makes the garage door open when you see a pretty young thing
15. The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
16. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
17. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
18. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
19. Your broad mind and your narrow waist have exchanged places.
fossis
Gold Member
- Jan 5, 2007
- 7,837
- 96
- Detector(s) used
- Whites Prizm 11 & White's XLT
- Primary Interest:
- All Treasure Hunting
What can I say HILARIOUS, 
8) 
:P Fossis................
8) :P Fossis................
GunFarce
Hero Member
stoney56 said:
These must be the dumb ones.. 'most' people start college before their 27!
Jeffro
Silver Member
You can tell this one's been floating around awhile
- Thread starter
- #293
Glad you enjoyed it Molly. Laugher usually does four things.
1. It strengthens your immune system
2. It rebalances the chemistry of your stress and tensions
3. It makes your cheeks sore
4. It tends on occasion to dampen your undergarments
Laugher usually does four things.1. It strengthens your immune system
2. It rebalances the chemistry of your stress and tensions
3. It makes your cheeks sore
4. It tends on occasion to dampen your undergarments
Michigan Badger
Gold Member
Groovy!
I don't even remember this thread.
Ya know how many Chiropractors it takes to replace a light bulb?
Only 1 and 13 visits!
Okay, so ya heard that one :P
MB
I don't even remember this thread.
Ya know how many Chiropractors it takes to replace a light bulb?
Only 1 and 13 visits!
Okay, so ya heard that one :P
MB
Mental Granny
Gold Member
- May 8, 2005
- 10,072
- 112
- Detector(s) used
- Cibola
- Primary Interest:
- All Treasure Hunting
MB its still is funny!
GunFarce
Hero Member
Life is NOT a bowl of cherries..
It's more like a bowl of jalapenos..
What you do today, might just burn your a$$ tomorrow..
It's more like a bowl of jalapenos..
What you do today, might just burn your a$$ tomorrow..
- Thread starter
- #297
These are the top ten signs that you are a detecting nut.
#10. A friend tells you his new girlfriend has double Ds and you assume she has purchased a new coil for her DFX.
#9. All of your pants have grass stains on the knees.
#8. Your trash cans are full of pulltabs and bottle caps, and you don't even drink.
#7. The toes are the first place that wear out on your shoes.
#6. You take a GPS with you to carnivals and fairs to get the coordinates for the wild rides and ticket booths.
#5. You have buckets of clad coins for door stops.
#4. Anytime you are walking you look at the ground.
#3. When you are in church and the minister says "Please be Seated" you respond with "Amen brother, or at least a Barber!"
#2. You think discrimination is a bad thing, only because it makes you miss small gold.
#1. When you are not out hunting, you are sitting in front of your computer reading and talking about it. (Like right now)
#10. A friend tells you his new girlfriend has double Ds and you assume she has purchased a new coil for her DFX.
#9. All of your pants have grass stains on the knees.
#8. Your trash cans are full of pulltabs and bottle caps, and you don't even drink.
#7. The toes are the first place that wear out on your shoes.
#6. You take a GPS with you to carnivals and fairs to get the coordinates for the wild rides and ticket booths.
#5. You have buckets of clad coins for door stops.
#4. Anytime you are walking you look at the ground.
#3. When you are in church and the minister says "Please be Seated" you respond with "Amen brother, or at least a Barber!"
#2. You think discrimination is a bad thing, only because it makes you miss small gold.
#1. When you are not out hunting, you are sitting in front of your computer reading and talking about it. (Like right now)
Michigan Badger
Gold Member
stoney56 said:
I can relate to all but #10. Those days are long gone.
So here I sit reading TNet and I have a piece of 8 sitting on my desk between me and the computer monitor. It's my latest sweetie found on Vero beach (1715 fleet) ya!
- Thread starter
- #299
Forum Moderator Wanted....
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.
"PERSONABLE": Willing to give lots of unsolicited personal advice.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.
"PERSONABLE": Willing to give lots of unsolicited personal advice.
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