Lamars Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

[spartacus53]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

How come it's so hard for a man to put a fresh roll of toilet paper on the roller?

Do you really have to ask First of all we're talking about the same room, the bathroom, mans domain. Just like with the toilet seat, god forbid you place the toilet paper on the roll the "wrong" way.
Some prefer to have the tissue run over the top of the roll, and yet others want it to run down behind the roll. No matter which way you put it up, it surely won't be the preferred way for that week

 

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[Felinepeachy]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

How come it's so hard for a man to put a fresh roll of toilet paper on the roller?

Do you really have to ask First of all we're talking about the same room, the bathroom, mans domain. Just like with the toilet seat, god forbid you place the toilet paper on the roll the "wrong" way.
Some prefer to have the tissue run over the top of the roll, and yet others want it to run down behind the roll. No matter which way you put it up, it surely won't be the preferred way for that week

Well if it's the "mans" domain, why are the women always the ones to clean it?

 

[Saturna]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

How is it that a man can live in the same house with you for nearly 20 years and still have no idea where things in the kitchen are stored. They obviously had no problem finding the item when they wanted to use it but ask them to put the dishes away and see if you can ever find anything again. Is this done on purpose?

Men shouldn't be expected to know the location of items in the kitchen, just as women aren't expected to know anything about the shop or garage.

One minor exception is if a man needs a kitchen utensil to do some shop/automotive type job.

 

[spartacus53]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Well if it's the "mans" domain, why are the women always the ones to clean it?

Note: See Lamar's reference to dirty dishes and apply the same logic

 

[Felinepeachy]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Well if it's the "mans" domain, why are the women always the ones to clean it?

Note: See Lamar's reference to dirty dishes and apply the same logic

ROFL that is just so wrong!

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Dear spartacus53;
Have you ever thought that women's taste buds must somehow be messed up? For example, a woman goes to the fridge, takes out the milk, takes a sip, makes a terrible face, then SHE HANDS YOU THE JUG! Next, she asks:
"Here. Taste this milk. Does it taste bad to you?

What in the heck is wrong with them? If the milk tastes bad, then THROW IT AWAY! Will a man's opinion change the mind of a woman? Of course not! It's like, they actually EXPECT us to be dumb enough to take a drink of spoiled milk??!?! I don't think so! I really don't understand it. Maybe they're expecting the man to actually take a chug and say: "Nope! Tastes fine to me!"

Then what? Will they shrug their shoulders and say "Oh. Maybe I was just mistaken. I guess I'll drink it then." Wrongggggggggg! They will INSIST the milk is bad and then pour it straight down the drain! So why would they want a man to take a drink if they already KNOW it's bad? Incredible, isn't it?
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

How come it's so hard for a man to put a fresh roll of toilet paper on the roller? I mean, if you can get the roll out of the closet and make it to the counter top that's next to the toilet, why can't they take that one extra step and actually put the TP on the roller. It's like they ran out of energy and couldn't do...... one..........more..............thing

Dear Felinepeachy;
After thinking about it for a spell, I've decided to *come clean* (in a manner of speaking) and divulge some secret bathroom etiquette regarding men and toilet paper.

Men don't worry about toilet paper because we are always prepared. You ever notice that men always have some *reading material* lying around, or they go in the bathroom with a magazine or a newspaper? You might think that we actually read them, but the truth is that they often serve a double duty.

We do our business, look at the toilet paper rack and lo and behold! There's nothing but a cardboard tube there! No reason to despair though. We simply tear out whatever part of the magazine or newspaper that we've read and drive on! There's absolutely no reason for a man to panic merely because there's no toilet paper. And even during those times when there is no *reading material* handy, the cardboard tube can be put to good use as well. After all, waste not, want not!

Also, it's every man's dream dream to do his business and then to look at the toilet paper. If it comes away completely clean, this is very much akin to bowling a perfect game or winning a $1000 football pot! It's sort of a man thang, and not many men will admit it, but it's very true and it's the ultimate goal in every man's life.
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[bigscoop]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Their covert "wardrobe exchange", one of their first tactics, works like this; you date them for years, you eventually get married and live the first year together in total bliss.........then it happens, your first or second X-Mas together, and low and behold she has bought you clothes that wouldn't be caught dead in, but she thinks they would look just peachy on you. Two years later you're showing up at the factory or construction job dressed like a snazzy James Bond, in "your" old rusty pickup truck. If you're a suit and tie kind of guy, be prepared to get a new style.

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Dear group;
OK, it's back! Post up everyone! We don't know how long this topic will survive!
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[Saturna]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Easy test.

If you have to ASK her if you can bring some junk project car home ...





... don't get married.

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Easy test.

If you have to ASK her if you can bring some junk project car home ...





... don't get married.

Dear Saturna;
Could you just imagine the horror if she said NO? The thought is simply too much to bear, my friend.
Your cringing friend;
LAMAR

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Dear Lamar;
Are you planning to post on this topic my friend? The reason why I am asking is because if you are, I am going call it an early night and get some rest. A LOT of rest, as it were.
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[bigscoop]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Her: Let's go out to eat.
You: Where would you like to go?
Her: Don't care, suprise me.
You: How about Red Lobster?
Her: No. Don't want to go there.
You: Ok, how about the The Road House? Get a good steak dinner?
Her: No, not in the mood for steak.
You: Ok, how about that little Italian diner?
Her: Oh, not really in the mood for Italian.
You: Ok, then where would you like to go?
Her: I don't care. Just about any place would be fine.

 

[Felinepeachy]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

OMG guilty LOL

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Her: Let's go out to eat.
You: Where would you like to go?
Her: Don't care, suprise me.
You: How about Red Lobster?
Her: No. Don't want to go there.
You: Ok, how about the The Road House? Get a good steak dinner?
Her: No, not in the mood for steak.
You: Ok, how about that little Italian diner?
Her: Oh, not really in the mood for Italian.
You: Ok, then where would you like to go?
Her: I don't care. Just about any place would be fine.

Dear bigscoop;
What's up with that anyway? It's like a woman says "Surprise me!" and you pull into the closest Taco Bell and they have the NERVE to get upset! Don't say "Surprise me!" to me because I can virtually guarantee that it WILL be a surprise! It'll be (in order of preference)
Whataburger (I am a Texan, what can I say?)
Dairy Queen (only those in Texas, however)
Sonic
Der Weinerschitzel
Church's (KFC in a pinch)
Taco Bell

And if I am in the mood for something really fancy, then it's the local PIZZA HUT!
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[bigscoop]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Her: Let's go out to eat.
You: Where would you like to go?
Her: Don't care, suprise me.
You: How about Red Lobster?
Her: No. Don't want to go there.
You: Ok, how about the The Road House? Get a good steak dinner?
Her: No, not in the mood for steak.
You: Ok, how about that little Italian diner?
Her: Oh, not really in the mood for Italian.
You: Ok, then where would you like to go?
Her: I don't care. Just about any place would be fine.

Dear bigscoop;
What's up with that anyway? It's like a woman says "Surprise me!" and you pull into the closest Taco Bell and they have the NERVE to get upset! Don't say "Surprise me!" to me because I can virtually guarantee that it WILL be a surprise! It'll be (in order of preference)
Whataburger (I am a Texan, what can I say?)
Dairy Queen (only those in Texas, however)
Sonic
Der Weinerschitzel
Church's (KFC in a pinch)
Taco Bell

And if I am in the mood for something really fancy, then it's the local PIZZA HUT!
Your friend;
LAMAR

And then, after years of enduring this secret test, it comes to, "You never take me out for dinner anymore."

 

[Saturna]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Like Al Bundy once said ...


"Ahh, women. You can't live with them ...."




<picks up TV remote and settles back>

 

[Felinepeachy]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Well women can go through the trouble of slaving in the kitchen half the day to make a nice dinner. Carcass and all the trimming, everything from scratch. You serve it up and wait for a resonse. You finally ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great" Ummmm okay.

Next day, you've been busy all day, don't have time to make anything fancy. You reach for a box of Hamburger Helper, cook it up, slop it on the plate and ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great"

You're like, why bother

But put on a new teddy and, well you get the point

 

[bigscoop]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

After 10 - 20 years of marriage, if a guy can hit the right place for dinner on the very first attempt he should win a new corvette!

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Well women can go through the trouble of slaving in the kitchen half the day to make a nice dinner. Carcass and all the trimming, everything from scratch. You serve it up and wait for a resonse. You finally ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great" Ummmm okay.

Next day, you've been busy all day, don't have time to make anything fancy. You reach for a box of Hamburger Helper, cook it up, slop it on the plate and ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great"

You're like, why bother

But put on a new teddy and, well you get the point

Dear FelinePeachy;
This is because you don't understand a man's priorities. Food is basically just food. I've taught myself to cook, even though I don't like to cook. On the other hand, I don't like starving to death either, therefore I don't have a lot of options at my disposal.

A man always judges the quality of a home cooked meal against the the meal's nearest canned or frozen competitor. For example, if you prepared a turkey dinner a man will grade it against a Hungry-Man frozen TV dinner. If it tastes better than the TV dinner, you're a winner! If not, well, you get the point...
Your friend;
LAMAR