Lamars Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Well women can go through the trouble of slaving in the kitchen half the day to make a nice dinner. Carcass and all the trimming, everything from scratch. You serve it up and wait for a resonse. You finally ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great" Ummmm okay.

Next day, you've been busy all day, don't have time to make anything fancy. You reach for a box of Hamburger Helper, cook it up, slop it on the plate and ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great"

You're like, why bother

But put on a new teddy and, well you get the point

Dear Feline Peachy;
There's an old European saying about why men gain weight after they've been married for a few years:

A single man is in the mood for a good supper. He goes to his refrigerator, opens the door and sees the same ol' things and then he decides to go out and find a woman instead.

The same man is now married and he is in the mood for sex. He goes to the bedroom, open the door, sees his wife lying on the bed, and then he goes to the kitchen to see what's in the refrigerator.
Your friend who is full of ol' European sayings (or full of something);
LAMAR

 

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[Felinepeachy]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

There is something wrong with this picture LOL

 

[extractor]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Well women can go through the trouble of slaving in the kitchen half the day to make a nice dinner. Carcass and all the trimming, everything from scratch. You serve it up and wait for a resonse. You finally ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great" Ummmm okay.

Next day, you've been busy all day, don't have time to make anything fancy. You reach for a box of Hamburger Helper, cook it up, slop it on the plate and ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great"

You're like, why bother

But put on a new teddy and, well you get the point

Felinepeachy,, Your cooking from scratch is beond Great

 

[bigscoop]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

There is something wrong with this picture LOL

Let me guess, the guy standing at the frigerator is overweight and he's wearing faded boxer shorts and white socks, his right hand scratching his left underarm as stoops over to get a closer look at all the leftovers.

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Dear group;
Never ever allow a woman to pick out a tie. It just doesn't work out very well, my friends.
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[DigginThePast]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Well women can go through the trouble of slaving in the kitchen half the day to make a nice dinner. Carcass and all the trimming, everything from scratch. You serve it up and wait for a resonse. You finally ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great" Ummmm okay.

Next day, you've been busy all day, don't have time to make anything fancy. You reach for a box of Hamburger Helper, cook it up, slop it on the plate and ask, "How is it?" They respond with, "Tastes great"

You're like, why bother

But put on a new teddy and, well you get the point

This happens because once we find an answer that doesn't get us in trouble we have a tendency to stick with it.

Dear Lamar;
Are you planning to post on this topic my friend? The reason why I am asking is because if you are, I am going call it an early night and get some rest. A LOT of rest, as it were.
Your friend;
LAMAR

Lamar - Umm......You okay? Alter ego?

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Dear group;
For all men who are thinking about doing the *M* thing, I would like to propose that each of you conduct an experiment:

"Take your fiance and your dog, and lock them both in the trunk of your car. Wait for one hour then open the trunk. Observe which of the two that will be the happiest to see you."

From the results of this experiment, a light bulb should begin to illuminate in your obviously obscured and preoccupied little brains. Merely by conducting this experiment, it should therefore become a simple matter of making the right choice.
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[naturegirl]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage



you've been spying on our 30 year marriage!

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

you've been spying on our 30 year marriage!

Dear naturegirl;
No, I haven't been spying, my friend. I am merely bored to tears because the RELIGION section is currently out of order, and since I can't proselytize at the moment, I then decided to give another forum member the business over his recent decision to do the M thang. And from that fiasco, this topic just sort of evolved. By the way, are you Catholic?
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[Chug And Red]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

How come it's so hard for a man to put a fresh roll of toilet paper on the roller? I mean, if you can get the roll out of the closet and make it to the counter top that's next to the toilet, why can't they take that one extra step and actually put the TP on the roller. It's like they ran out of energy and couldn't do...... one..........more..............thing

Guys try this when your wife is gone take the TP holder off the wall the remount it vertically then make sure to put a roll of paper on it for her!!! BAD BAD Chug!!!

 

[dld]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Dear group;
For all men who are thinking about doing the *M* thing, I would like to propose that each of you conduct an experiment:

"Take your fiance and your dog, and lock them both in the trunk of your car. Wait for one hour then open the trunk. Observe which of the two that will be the happiest to see you."


Your friend;
LAMAR

Take your fiancée and your dog, have one or the other lick you all over, oops lost my train of thought, sorry

 

[Felinepeachy]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Hahahahahahahahaha

 

[DigginThePast]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Lamar - Surely there must be more pearls of wisdom to add to this thread.

 

[Felinepeachy]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Maybe he is gonna sell some to the highest bidder LOL

 

[DigginThePast]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Maybe he is gonna sell some to the highest bidder LOL

Not sure I can afford it then. That info is priceless!

 

[lamar]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Lamar - Surely there must be more pearls of wisdom to add to this thread.

Dear DigginThe Past;
Oh, there is so much more to add, my friend. From this point onwards, it will be my own personal opinion, therefore please bear with me:

God created women and men so differently in order that we compliment one another. It's like God gave both men and women equal measures of bad and good and together, men and women must figure out how to let good shine forth whilst suppressing the bad. Unfortunately, when God did this, He didn't include instructions regarding how men and women were to get along, therefore we must stumble along without the benefit of written guidelines.

Some people avoid this issue entirely by joining religious Orders, most likely in order to ensure a little peace and quiet in their lives. They call living apart from the opposite sex a *voluntary form of self-sacrifice* but in my humble opinion, I think they are giving up members of the opposite sex in order that they may live their lives in spiritual bliss. All of that *self-sacrifice* stuff is just a big put-on. If the truth were really known, there would soon be a rush to join a monastic group and thus they would quickly run out of room.

Men and women also have certain inherited gender specific traits that can be traced back to Biblical times. For example, the reason why Moses and his tribe wandered around in the desert for 40 years is because even back in those days, men simply would not ask for directions. We are incapable of doing this. I know that I never ask for directions, nor did my father nor did my grandfather. The GPS system was invented by a married woman who grew tired of getting lost with her husband every time they took a trip.

Staying with the Bible for a bit, I can prove that God knew EXACTLY what He was doing when He created man and woman. Many modern women's libbers like to point out that God may not have created Adam first and that the history of the Bible was written by a bunch of ancient male chauvinists. This is completely untrue, of course. God actually DID create Adam first and He did so for one very good reason. That was so Adam could have a chance to say something. Otherwise, poor Adam would have never been able to have gotten a word in edgewise.

Also, God most likely created Adam first because He probably didn't want any advice on how He should create Man. Think about that one for a minute, everyone.
Your friend;
LAMAR

 

[bigscoop]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

Lamar - Surely there must be more pearls of wisdom to add to this thread.

Also, God most likely created Adam first because He probably didn't want any advice on how He should create Man.
Your friend;
LAMAR

Thank God! Just imagine what that thing would look like if they would have had any word in it.

 

[piegrande]

Re: Lamar's Hysterically Funny View on Marriage

I do not go back to the States unless I have to.That means my wife sometimes takes the overnight bus to see her grandson.

When she is not here, housekeeping rules change.

Like, just before she comes back, I clean the house. Clean the bathroom; the kitchen; wash the dishes, etc. Let me repeat. Just before she comes back, I clean the house. Why clean it more than once

She was gone in November for some weeks. One day I was up visiting a cousin whose wife is my wife's best friend. Her whole house gets mopped every day.

I mentioned I had to wash dishes, hadn't done it in a week. She looked horrified, and said I must have a mountain of dirty dishes.

I said, "Only one."

She looked extremely horrified. Then, her husband laughed, and said, "I used to do that when I worked in Mexico City." What comes after "extremely"?