Postalrevnant
Silver Member
Ok this is kinda nuts I guess, but I need to open up a bit somewhere and after a careful study of the quality and assortment of peps I think this is a great place.
It pertains to the title of this post, and my life. So I ask all of you if you have the time to read this I would greatly appreciate your opinion. I would also ask for your prayers to guide me as I go into the future.
I would like to start out by saying that I have had a great life so far. Not been pretty or rich monitarily but a great one all the same. I have visited 52 contries on all but 2 continents ( S. America and Antartica ), survived 3 combats. Did all the adventure things I wanted to do and have the greatest wife in the world. I have always graduated top of anything I tried mentally. Physically I did not win at everything, but I sure gave em hell and was close on most things I have tried. So in many ways my life has been very rich.
This has came at a price. I have always given my all up till this year and it has resulted in many injuries that I just have to face up to being at only half of what I formerly was physically. I realize what I am about to tell you is probably a story that many of you face. In fact many of you have probably faced great hardships, so it will be great hearing from you.
I joined the military in high school as a guardsmen and I did so believing that I would make a difference. After a few years of college and running short of money I found myself needing a change, so off to active duty I went. I found myself on a long adventure that ended just short of 11 years. Some of the days most would probably say sucked. I have not really thought of it too much that way. Those tougher days I guess I just really drove on and did what needed to be done, I was not one to say "This sucks" and sit around complaining. After all it needed to be done and was not going to be done if someone did not do it. So I would be the one to get it started if no one else would. I know I am not giving a specific job, but we all know and have faced these situations in many different jobs so no need for specifics I know you guys know what I mean.
Some of you say I am a pretty nice person. Well you are right. I think I am very fair, and cool headed. But this year I have felt anything but. I still am trying to be as nice as I can, but this place (SE Kentucky) and the way that peps are today are certainly driving me the other way. I consider myself of strong will so I will continue to try to be as nice as I possibly can be. I cannot take credit for being nice all the time or being a saint. I am quite far from it at times. I can sure be an A$$ when I want to be. But I have not found myself being that this year. Instead this year I found myself being...
Well I have just been. To better explain this I will say that I have just sorta drifted along this year. Waking up each day at whatever time and sending out those resume's. The part that is kickin me is no matter how much I smile, joke, or whatever I do. I completely feel nothing inside. Like an empty shell this year.
Partly this brought me to you all. Partly because I always wanted to Metal Detect and partly because I really needed to find some friends and family. Ones that are strangers in some ways, and do not really care if I am perfect or anything else.
I left a job that would have eventually gotten me really paid from the experience. A first for me. A first for them too someone quitting. But I just could not stand the dishonesty and how I felt there. I opened my own business this year, but had to hand out cards and visit companies to advertise. Primarily because I do not have the necessary tools to take on all the jobs and I don't have the money to get them. However, I do have the credit, yet for the first time ever I feel that it is a risk too great so after spending my savings of about $7500ish to get me started I did not go the rest of the way. I still am ok with the wisdom behind it seeing that the average income here is 13K a year. BTW you all can look that up, its a fact. I think Wikopedia was the site and others will show you the average mean income of SE Kentucky vs. the nations average of 41k. But I am not by any means happy with my lack of energy on the matter.
Anyways this year I have certainly been far more negative than anytime in my life. I am having a very tough transition I guess. You see the military for the most part has high morale when you boil it all down. And peps pull together much much more. I wanted to finish out my life in that world but injuries stopped that.
Slowly but surely since I left early 2001 I have been growing more and more negative indeed. Not all civilians are crooks I understand that. But many just don't care and sit back. I do not wish to be a zealot, for it would be wasted here. Heck we get missionaries here all the time, from many states. We even get foreign missionaries at times to help the people of this region. WE ARE in the U.S. So you can sorta see why I feel so bleak. Nothing but negativity is around me. Most do not do anything unless they will get something out of it. Having someone do something for you for free makes you feel really bad and you feel that you need to dig into your pockets and give give give to make up for their kindness.
This week I gave a person a ride to get gas. I did not want a thing from them but they insisted and when I kept saying no they left 5 dollars in my truck. Perhaps I was too young to understand this place when I left, but it is sure a sad state when helping peps results in jealous neighbors that try to burn you, or even the good peps feel they really need to dig hard to repay you.
We did this freely in the great Military family. We work hard and put our lifes in danger for complete strangers. We see true heartbreak, true hopelessness, and even in some cases like doctors different peps too far gone for our help so we watch them die. And here I am in America in a crappy place yes, but no where near as heartbreaking as so many places I have been. Yet I swear I feel like the hope is not here.
I really respect and salute my wife for her strength. She basically raised her brother's and sisters when she was growing up. I have tried hard to find a job during the last few months. But I have done so with a smile, but inside I just knew I did not stand a chance. Of couse I was right, but did that effect me getting the job. I wonder if someone can feel negativity eminating from someone else?
Gah I had so much more to say but I just keep erasing it. Needless to say many of her family and freinds say I am a bum because I am not working. I DO not care but I hate seeing it wear on her.
BOILING IT DOWN!!! I am pretty F angry overall. I get the bum look because I wish to wait for a better chance for us to leave this place to complete my simple dream of our own home, nothing fancy. I keep getting my butt kicked either by someone who has 4 years of experiece at working at one company with 10 computers or my former company is killing me. I feel this because I just know some of the jobs were mine last month, and then during the time that they would be calling former bosses I never heard from them again. And before handing over thousands of dollars in computer equipment to someone, they don't even test!! The questions are simple they ask, most not even computer professionals can do answer the questions. I know there are many peps out there more experience than me, but really I have always been able to get hired. I beat out many experienced peps out of college to get the job at my former company as high level support to hundreds of companies.
Gah enough!!!! That is the reason of this post.
If there is nothing else that you have read on this then please read this part. I am not asking for any sympathy because that I really do not need. I just ask for your strengh and prayers for one thing: Please help to pray, keep fingers crossed, or whatever is good luck to you. TO help me in doing this one simply thing. In me finding myself again. Finding out who I am now. Getting back my drive and most of all Shedding all of this negativity.
Tomorrow I wake up and hope to begin anew. I hope that my wife can take another month of me not having a job, because I won't be looking for one. Instead I want to go out and visit peps at old folks homes, I want to try to help out peps this month as much as I can. I really want to get my drive and spirit back up to push forward and take chances if necessary. Most of all I wish to find trust for my fellow man again. And if it takes getting mad and driving forward hard to do so then that is what I will be doing. Either way I really need to regain who I am.
That is what I wish to ask you for. I don't expect any responses to this, that is direct responses pertaining to my life. I would enjoy points of view of perhaps what helped you threw your tough times. I realize many of you might have went through this or are having a very hard time yourself. All you need to do is ask and you certainly have my prayers for you and your success btw. Just PM me and say give me a prayer or think of me and I will do so.
I came to this site after careful reading not just because of the posts of the great treasures, but because I saw peps genuinely caring for one another. I know you might think I am crazy, but ask Night Stalker. Peps in SE Kentucky are great peps, but if they don't know you they are tired right now as well and you will not feel genuine care for you around here at the moment. Since we (my wife and I) were gone for so long our friends are gone, or are behind still in the other world, the military world.
Now I really hope tomorrow and this month I can return to who I was. I am a good person fully. I have a great heart, but its been hardening a lot of the last few years. I am happy to see all the great things you all find, and when I wish for you to strike it rich I am being honest. I do wish this for all of you. But that is here. And thanks to you guys here I have decided not to totally harden and make my goals happen even if I need to step on others like most everyone else is doing here. Honestly before I saw this site and I met a few peps in real here, I was turning fast toward what I never wanted to be.
And yes if you see enough death and other atrocities as I have its not really that hard of a step to change from being as nice as possible to becoming something else to make your families dreams come true. Now I really hope that I would not have resorted to that, but honestly for once in my life could not fully answer no way until more recently. I have you all to thank for 1/2 of my revival. Now I need to take myself the rest of the way.
I will be a stranger here for a bit. Will be checking in on this post though to see if something helped you to turn around or if you have had a similiar experience. No worries though LOL I will greatly enjoy responding to all of your great finds, hopefully as more myself.
BTW what you see here is pretty much me. As mentioned above I am kind, nice and lucky to have a great family. That is the real me here. But I am unable to be that person out here in real life where I need it the most.
Thanks for the read. I will sure need your strength, so please keep me in mind if you can. I realize many of you might have it worse. I will not ever dispute that I do not have it good in many ways.
I am just struggling enough to know I will need as much strength as I can muster for revival. I know I will find a job, even if not in computers, but no matter what it is, no matter if its low paying it will be an honorable one with good peps. Not a bunch of crooks like before.
Thank you all. OF all the great finds...etc...I have just shared the greatest find I can with you. That is myself and what is troubling me. That says a great deal about what I think and feel about some of you.
Doug
Ok some of you will say I should never post this. Well all I can say to you is if you have not faced crisis yet then you have not lived. I have faced a great deal of crisis and danger and made it. But I do not currently feel as though I am living. And that is a problem to me.
It pertains to the title of this post, and my life. So I ask all of you if you have the time to read this I would greatly appreciate your opinion. I would also ask for your prayers to guide me as I go into the future.
I would like to start out by saying that I have had a great life so far. Not been pretty or rich monitarily but a great one all the same. I have visited 52 contries on all but 2 continents ( S. America and Antartica ), survived 3 combats. Did all the adventure things I wanted to do and have the greatest wife in the world. I have always graduated top of anything I tried mentally. Physically I did not win at everything, but I sure gave em hell and was close on most things I have tried. So in many ways my life has been very rich.
This has came at a price. I have always given my all up till this year and it has resulted in many injuries that I just have to face up to being at only half of what I formerly was physically. I realize what I am about to tell you is probably a story that many of you face. In fact many of you have probably faced great hardships, so it will be great hearing from you.
I joined the military in high school as a guardsmen and I did so believing that I would make a difference. After a few years of college and running short of money I found myself needing a change, so off to active duty I went. I found myself on a long adventure that ended just short of 11 years. Some of the days most would probably say sucked. I have not really thought of it too much that way. Those tougher days I guess I just really drove on and did what needed to be done, I was not one to say "This sucks" and sit around complaining. After all it needed to be done and was not going to be done if someone did not do it. So I would be the one to get it started if no one else would. I know I am not giving a specific job, but we all know and have faced these situations in many different jobs so no need for specifics I know you guys know what I mean.
Some of you say I am a pretty nice person. Well you are right. I think I am very fair, and cool headed. But this year I have felt anything but. I still am trying to be as nice as I can, but this place (SE Kentucky) and the way that peps are today are certainly driving me the other way. I consider myself of strong will so I will continue to try to be as nice as I possibly can be. I cannot take credit for being nice all the time or being a saint. I am quite far from it at times. I can sure be an A$$ when I want to be. But I have not found myself being that this year. Instead this year I found myself being...
Well I have just been. To better explain this I will say that I have just sorta drifted along this year. Waking up each day at whatever time and sending out those resume's. The part that is kickin me is no matter how much I smile, joke, or whatever I do. I completely feel nothing inside. Like an empty shell this year.
Partly this brought me to you all. Partly because I always wanted to Metal Detect and partly because I really needed to find some friends and family. Ones that are strangers in some ways, and do not really care if I am perfect or anything else.
I left a job that would have eventually gotten me really paid from the experience. A first for me. A first for them too someone quitting. But I just could not stand the dishonesty and how I felt there. I opened my own business this year, but had to hand out cards and visit companies to advertise. Primarily because I do not have the necessary tools to take on all the jobs and I don't have the money to get them. However, I do have the credit, yet for the first time ever I feel that it is a risk too great so after spending my savings of about $7500ish to get me started I did not go the rest of the way. I still am ok with the wisdom behind it seeing that the average income here is 13K a year. BTW you all can look that up, its a fact. I think Wikopedia was the site and others will show you the average mean income of SE Kentucky vs. the nations average of 41k. But I am not by any means happy with my lack of energy on the matter.
Anyways this year I have certainly been far more negative than anytime in my life. I am having a very tough transition I guess. You see the military for the most part has high morale when you boil it all down. And peps pull together much much more. I wanted to finish out my life in that world but injuries stopped that.
Slowly but surely since I left early 2001 I have been growing more and more negative indeed. Not all civilians are crooks I understand that. But many just don't care and sit back. I do not wish to be a zealot, for it would be wasted here. Heck we get missionaries here all the time, from many states. We even get foreign missionaries at times to help the people of this region. WE ARE in the U.S. So you can sorta see why I feel so bleak. Nothing but negativity is around me. Most do not do anything unless they will get something out of it. Having someone do something for you for free makes you feel really bad and you feel that you need to dig into your pockets and give give give to make up for their kindness.
This week I gave a person a ride to get gas. I did not want a thing from them but they insisted and when I kept saying no they left 5 dollars in my truck. Perhaps I was too young to understand this place when I left, but it is sure a sad state when helping peps results in jealous neighbors that try to burn you, or even the good peps feel they really need to dig hard to repay you.
We did this freely in the great Military family. We work hard and put our lifes in danger for complete strangers. We see true heartbreak, true hopelessness, and even in some cases like doctors different peps too far gone for our help so we watch them die. And here I am in America in a crappy place yes, but no where near as heartbreaking as so many places I have been. Yet I swear I feel like the hope is not here.I really respect and salute my wife for her strength. She basically raised her brother's and sisters when she was growing up. I have tried hard to find a job during the last few months. But I have done so with a smile, but inside I just knew I did not stand a chance. Of couse I was right, but did that effect me getting the job. I wonder if someone can feel negativity eminating from someone else?
Gah I had so much more to say but I just keep erasing it. Needless to say many of her family and freinds say I am a bum because I am not working. I DO not care but I hate seeing it wear on her.
BOILING IT DOWN!!! I am pretty F angry overall. I get the bum look because I wish to wait for a better chance for us to leave this place to complete my simple dream of our own home, nothing fancy. I keep getting my butt kicked either by someone who has 4 years of experiece at working at one company with 10 computers or my former company is killing me. I feel this because I just know some of the jobs were mine last month, and then during the time that they would be calling former bosses I never heard from them again. And before handing over thousands of dollars in computer equipment to someone, they don't even test!! The questions are simple they ask, most not even computer professionals can do answer the questions. I know there are many peps out there more experience than me, but really I have always been able to get hired. I beat out many experienced peps out of college to get the job at my former company as high level support to hundreds of companies.
Gah enough!!!! That is the reason of this post.
If there is nothing else that you have read on this then please read this part. I am not asking for any sympathy because that I really do not need. I just ask for your strengh and prayers for one thing: Please help to pray, keep fingers crossed, or whatever is good luck to you. TO help me in doing this one simply thing. In me finding myself again. Finding out who I am now. Getting back my drive and most of all Shedding all of this negativity.
Tomorrow I wake up and hope to begin anew. I hope that my wife can take another month of me not having a job, because I won't be looking for one. Instead I want to go out and visit peps at old folks homes, I want to try to help out peps this month as much as I can. I really want to get my drive and spirit back up to push forward and take chances if necessary. Most of all I wish to find trust for my fellow man again. And if it takes getting mad and driving forward hard to do so then that is what I will be doing. Either way I really need to regain who I am.
That is what I wish to ask you for. I don't expect any responses to this, that is direct responses pertaining to my life. I would enjoy points of view of perhaps what helped you threw your tough times. I realize many of you might have went through this or are having a very hard time yourself. All you need to do is ask and you certainly have my prayers for you and your success btw. Just PM me and say give me a prayer or think of me and I will do so.
I came to this site after careful reading not just because of the posts of the great treasures, but because I saw peps genuinely caring for one another. I know you might think I am crazy, but ask Night Stalker. Peps in SE Kentucky are great peps, but if they don't know you they are tired right now as well and you will not feel genuine care for you around here at the moment. Since we (my wife and I) were gone for so long our friends are gone, or are behind still in the other world, the military world.
Now I really hope tomorrow and this month I can return to who I was. I am a good person fully. I have a great heart, but its been hardening a lot of the last few years. I am happy to see all the great things you all find, and when I wish for you to strike it rich I am being honest. I do wish this for all of you. But that is here. And thanks to you guys here I have decided not to totally harden and make my goals happen even if I need to step on others like most everyone else is doing here. Honestly before I saw this site and I met a few peps in real here, I was turning fast toward what I never wanted to be.
And yes if you see enough death and other atrocities as I have its not really that hard of a step to change from being as nice as possible to becoming something else to make your families dreams come true. Now I really hope that I would not have resorted to that, but honestly for once in my life could not fully answer no way until more recently. I have you all to thank for 1/2 of my revival. Now I need to take myself the rest of the way.
I will be a stranger here for a bit. Will be checking in on this post though to see if something helped you to turn around or if you have had a similiar experience. No worries though LOL I will greatly enjoy responding to all of your great finds, hopefully as more myself.
BTW what you see here is pretty much me. As mentioned above I am kind, nice and lucky to have a great family. That is the real me here. But I am unable to be that person out here in real life where I need it the most.
Thanks for the read. I will sure need your strength, so please keep me in mind if you can. I realize many of you might have it worse. I will not ever dispute that I do not have it good in many ways.
I am just struggling enough to know I will need as much strength as I can muster for revival. I know I will find a job, even if not in computers, but no matter what it is, no matter if its low paying it will be an honorable one with good peps. Not a bunch of crooks like before.
Thank you all. OF all the great finds...etc...I have just shared the greatest find I can with you. That is myself and what is troubling me. That says a great deal about what I think and feel about some of you.
Doug
Ok some of you will say I should never post this. Well all I can say to you is if you have not faced crisis yet then you have not lived. I have faced a great deal of crisis and danger and made it. But I do not currently feel as though I am living. And that is a problem to me.
![:-\](https://www.treasurenet.com/smilies/undecided.gif "Undecided :-\")
