Jan 26, 2017, 12:11 AM
I like the "don't leave valuable things around the house". However, you need to trust your family.
Not sure I or anyone else who does not know the whole situation can give good advice, but I think from the examples you provided already, you know what likely happened. By the time I was 11 I knew where everything my Dad owned was. Sometimes he would be angry because he could not find something that I knew where it was. I had to keep my mouth shut. I looked through his stuff because I liked it. She probably likes your stuff too.
I like the advice that you are the boss, but don't be a di@k. Be firm but show compassion.
Jan 26, 2017, 12:56 AM
How community oriented are your local cops? See if one of them would help getting her steered in the right direction. Stash a few of her prized possessions. After a day or two ask her if she's missing anything because you're missing some stuff. When she says she's missing stuff too you say we need to get the cops involved and call your cop. When he / she shows up and starts asking your daughter if she knows what's up, I'll bet she'll cop to taking the items for whatever reason. Guaranteed she'll learn this behavior isn't good. We had one little guy wet himself, and I'm very glad to say I ran into him 13 years later & he thanked me and he turned out to be a great guy! Oh, he was swiping dads coin collection little by little and using it to buy candy. Over $200 of candy!?!? I was surprised he had ANY teeth.
I know it's here, just need a bigger coil!
I think I know what my last words will be....
"Hold my beer and watch this!"
Jan 26, 2017, 01:13 AM
I think she's showing off the riches. You got to cancel that show.
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Jan 26, 2017, 01:49 AM
I have no doubt after the watch incident my daughter would be on lock down indefinitely. I have zero problems revoking her freedom when she screws up.. which happens from time to time. They can't learn if you don't teach them. I would say; certainly tear her room apart.. I would also go to her school and speak with every teacher she has and see if they saw the bracelets. This isn't the time to make nice. Explain trust to her; and when the watch incident happened the trust meter dropped to zero and will need to be refilled overtime.
I think that if you personally lost two diamond bracelets (one that isn't yours) you are extremely careless or irresponsible... I'm guessing that's not the case; so.. that means she took them.
However.. loosing 3! really nice watches for a couple weeks and nobody knows where they are? Whip would have been cracked that day. It almost sounds like you were scared to confront her or just blew it off.
What was the punishment for the watch deal?
Man up and confront her.. if you are wrong; apologize.
Nothing I wouldn't tell anyone in my family.
Jan 26, 2017, 01:51 AM
Crack'in me up..!
Originally Posted by Truth1253
Jan 26, 2017, 06:53 AM
The Hoover Boys
BK, your daughter has them. She lied about the watches, you found them. She lied about your wife's item, you found it. You didn't simply misplace a few thousand dollars worth of jewelry. You don't have a ghost hiding objects in your house and you don't have a cat that is nesting with pieces of metal.
Go ahead and set the camera up with a bait ring and then come down on her. Lying and stealing--common lessons to have to teach your children about. Do it for the common good, even if it makes you uncomfortable. If you don't tell her right from wrong, who will?
My hunch is she is simply giving them away to friends. "Oh yeah, we have so much of this stuff lying around, yeah, you can have it!" Just like that your 11 year old girl is the most popular thing in school--what more could she ask for? Besides a few more bracelets lying around.
Take care 'o your bidness!!
Jan 26, 2017, 06:55 AM
Thread moved, not Garage Sale related.
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Jan 26, 2017, 09:33 AM
Cat teaches man, not everything here serves him.
Wishing you the best in handling this situation.
Perhaps, go to the school, talk to the principal, let him be aware and then go talk to her homeroom teacher. Inquire if she has noticed your daughter with "items". If she has an assigned desk or locker, check that, too.
Like one poster said, if you know some community involved Leo's, perhaps...... one could visit under the guise of "another persons valuables" are missing and they are "pressing charges", need to "investigate", something along those lines, gently(not to damage her mentally), but severe consequences DO happen in real life..... I'd only ask the police for help, as the last resort(wrong person, they'll be handcuffing her, taking her to juvie).
If she is "acting out" trying to test her own individuality, who she is, where she can belong and fit in, best to nip it quick, lay down the law, and be the boss. Set bad attitudes and misconduct straight, quick!
Good luck and best wishes, I know it's tough.
correction, *acting out
Last edited by pat-tekker-cat; Jan 26, 2017 at 09:59 AM.
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Jan 26, 2017, 09:39 AM
How would you approach this...
I would seek professional advice from a counselor. Have you considered the cause may be an absent or distant parent. She takes the items because they take from her in the guise of a parent. I would do some soul searching on how much time you spend picking and time spent with your daughter. I am not accusing you but just trying to show a different view of it. Sometimes the cause is the issue not the act. I hope it works out.
Last edited by JimDon; Jan 26, 2017 at 02:06 PM.
Jan 26, 2017, 07:38 PM
If you are in Fl you might want to look into the Baker Act.
Kleptomania is in fact a disease. The sooner mental illness is diagnosed the better the chances for effective treatment. Could be nothing but better to err on the side of caution IMO.
At least consult an appropriate doctor.
"Some things are believed because they are demonstrably true, but a great many other things are believed simply because they are asserted repeatedly." - Thomas Sowell
Jan 26, 2017, 10:32 PM
I recommend trusting your gut and not the advice of strangers. You're a good dude, you will figure it out.
Originally Posted by Duckshot
Jan 26, 2017, 11:44 PM
The last resort would be consulting a "doctor".
Jan 27, 2017, 12:14 AM
I feel your pain. I've been there too. I turned my daughter and her 2 friends into the Walmart manager when they were 12, and I had caught them red handed.
I let him take over.
Getting caught at that age, and having to face humiliation and stark fear of the unknown...
I figured their life lesson was worth it.
Because that is a lesson they will never forget. And not likely to repeat.
It's hard. Parenting is hard. You have to make tough decisions sometimes, and sometimes its worth it.
Jan 29, 2017, 04:44 PM
Some kids steal others have boundary issues. There is a difference in that the one that steals intends to keep/sell the loot. The one with boundary issues is way more difficult IMO. They don't recognize ownership or when they are crossing someone elses boundaries.
They take things to their space and possess them. The space can be their room or where ever they live later. They also will cross other boundaries like personal things where you might want to say "That's non of your business."
For this mindset, normal boundaries don't exist.
From here your going to need to figure out what your Daughter is all about and that might take some form of intervention professionally speaking. Age 11 is the pivot point for many kids. They are still building a sense of conscious 9 right/wrong) and sometimes need a little push.
Jan 29, 2017, 04:53 PM
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