Forgiveness.

[BC1969]

What does that word actually mean.
Yeah, I can read the definition, but I need to know what it means to real people?

Someone told me recently that forgiveness isn't for the person who wronged you, but rather for yourself ?

Please help me understand this!

Mike.

 

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[controlfreq]

In essence, it's making the decision that something is no longer going to cause you emotional strife or become baggage. Things, events, people, etc. can only get to you if you choose to allow it. It can be a lot more difficult than it sounds but there are sound reasons for doing it. It's sort of like when some one says "they offended me". No, that person chose to be offended. It's really about how much control you give you someone else. As Long as you carry animosity or hatred against someone, they have some control over you.

This doesn't mean you can't learn from it. Say a person "does you wrong", just keep that event as a learning moment for future contact but don"t dwell on it because it only hurts you. Learn the lesson but drop the emotional baggage. I've had to embrace this myself due to a "person". Took a while but realized the futility of it and moved (trying to) on.

IMHO

 

[smokeythecat]

Forgiveness is unnatural to most humans. With that said, if a person truly forgives another, a weight is removed from them (I should know as I have learned to forgive by the grade of God), when the weight is removed freedom comes. A lot of what we are seeing in the violence in the streets comes from the "self' any individual that is, putting themselves on the throne of the universe and CHOOSING their rights and authority above others. Not a good thing. Nothing good comes from unforgiveness.

A good definition is say, someone really insults you. You CHOOSE to let it go. You get rear ended in a wreck, you have a stiff back for a couple days, a truly very minor then but CHOOSE to let the insurance company handle it, instead of suing the snot out of the other folks.

Forgiveness ultimately comes from God, who provided the ultimate forgiveness to us through Jesus. Folks who have ignored or rejected this ultimate forgiveness normally cannot or will not forgive others.

Forgiveness is letting a wrong go, and not holding onto it. The ultimate "revenge" is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In other words, the fruit of forgiving someone is love.

 

[BC1969]

Thank you both for sharing that with me.
I understand now.

I don't believe that I can erase it like that.
Between the PTSD and near complete photographic memory, I don't honestly feel that I will ever be free from this torment.

I feel solely responsible for what was done to me..wow, it'll be 40 years soon.
That's a long time to carry pain.
Silence of pain and keeping it internal is my mistake.
A decade or more ago, I helped form certain groups such as the MeToo movement.
I caught a lot of "Snowflake" and other derogatory terms for sharing my pain.
I've been looked upon with suspicion because of some supposed statistics that say boys who endured what I did, go on to be the same way.
What a crock of crap!

Anyways, back on track.
Laws actually protect certain criminals.
That's a tragedy for those who bury the pain within.
Some wait decades before speaking out.
It took me 26 years roughly to reveal what I HAD to live through.
Most never break the silence for what people say about them and how they judge you.

I HAD to survive what I did, otherwise there won't be anyone left to tell our story.
A story of 21 months of my life imprisoned in a child psych ward.

PLEASE MODS DON'T DELETE OR MODIFY ME BARING MY SOUL!

I'm almost done writing it.
The horrors put on myself and countless other boys who passed through there in my 21 months inpatient there.
Forced everything!
Too graphic for this forum.
ECT as a punishment.
The damned rubber rooms.
The shots of thorazine for making us, well, comply.

I honestly don't know how to think for myself from my time there.
They told us what to think.
Reverse psychology warfare against us.
What was good behavior this day, was punished the next!

I was big enough to stop them.
I was smart enough to know NOT to stop them!
After all, I didn't really want to go for a swim in the "Ool, notice there is no P, keep it that way"
That sign was near the indoor swimming pool.

A number of my friends didn't know how to comply.
Friends who went for a swim and never came back.

I can finally finish my autobiography simply because the Men who did these things to me and many other children have passed away from old age.

I followed their lives.
The Statute of Limitations protected them!
I'd be subject to lawsuits for breaking the silence!

Forgiveness...
In hindsight, after all these years of pain and torment of what if...
I'd rather have went for a swim in the Ool!

Sorry for sharing my pain!!

 

[Chadeaux]

What does that word actually mean.
Yeah, I can read the definition, but I need to know what it means to real people?

Someone told me recently that forgiveness isn't for the person who wronged you, but rather for yourself ?

Please help me understand this!

Mike.

Recite "The Lord's Prayer" . . . the answer is there.

 

[Garscale]

Smokeythecat did a great job with his post. Ask for forgiveness yourself and ask Jesus to help you forgive. Then ask for peace in your heart. Jesus is the Prince of peace. What happened to you sucks . Please try to let it be washed away so it doesnt continue to hurt you.

I will pray for you now. Steve

 

[releventchair]

[forgiveness isn't for the person who wronged you, but rather for yourself ?]

It can be.

As the knawing ceasing is a relief of sorts. IF you can deliberately puke out the ulcer. Or better put , wave good bye to a ghost that wronged you saying what is done is done but I'm going forward away from you , not backwards towards you or the hurt . and close the door.

By waving them off and not continuing to hold the imbalance of an unhealthy relationship/event(s) you can live without keeping it festering.
Yes you are letting them off the hook in away. But yourself as well.

Change what you can. Not what someone in the past made you think you couldn't.

There's another saying.
"It's easier to forgive , than to forget". But you have to get through the first part first to work on the second.
And do we really want to forget being wronged? As in going forward being ignorant of potential hurt or harm?

So , in a way , forgiveness is dropping the charges when our odds of even seeing a trial here are low or rare to non-existent , let alone anything potentially being done to make us think there has been any recompense....
Then...Settling the matter ourselves leaves the hazard of becoming as bad as those who harmed us in the first place. Do we want to go there?
We know the thoughts about revenge. Or our interpretations of justice....

But when dropping those charges it does not mean continued abuse me/you again. It means never again.
A barrier exists , as vulnerability is gone."
Fool me once...
One strike rule.
"Get thee behind me". Ghost of past is not at the wheel. Nor am I looking for it in the mirror. Not the direction I'm going.

 

[Garscale]

How are you today?

 

[releventchair]

How are you today?

Oh , fair. Partly cloudy. Slight chance of the jitters later in the day.


(I realize you were asking B.C..)