Weird things always happen to me, and still are!!

[Monty]

? ?Apart from the dead cat deal a lot of weird things have always happened to me over my entire lifetime. I have often wondered if it is just me?? For instance:
? As I was checking out at a drug store a cashier asked me for medical advice.? I said I hadn't a clue as I'm not a doctor.? She became upset with me and said, " Well if you're not a doctor you shouldn't go around wearing a suit and buying Aspirin"!? Go figure?
? A fellow uniform office and I were sitting at the bus station coffee shop on break when an little old lady approached us and asked if we were twin brothers.? I'm 5'9" and he's 6'2", I weighed about 170 lb and he was well over 200 lb.? We said no we were not related to which she responded, "Well why are you dressed just alike"?
? ?A jogger approached me in a local park where I was detecting and wanted to know where I got that quiet weedeater....did it run on batteries?? I like to never convinced him I wasn't weedeating!? A couple other people have commented they thought I worked for the park department and was weedeating.
? ?When I worked sex crimes for a few months I got a case assigned where an 80 some year old woman reported a rape.? I asked when the rape occured and she said several years ago.? I asked why she was just now reporting it.? She said, "Oh I don't want to report it I just want to talk about it"!
? A young man called the police to say he had been assaulted by a pervert in a park restroom.? I was assigned the call and when I arrived he was standing by the public restroom with an open door and a divider to hide the urinals and stalls from public view.? I asked the young man where the pervert was now.? A voice from inside the restroom said, "I'm still in here"!
? That's just a sampling of the many werid things that have happend to me in my too short lifetime.? As I recall more of them I will post them as some are really funny.
? ?

 

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[jeff of pa]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Serves You Right For Buying Aspirin



I enjoyed the Stories, Jim
Keep Them Comming .

jeff

 

[Monty]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Oh, I just thought of another one......Ready?
I backed an officer who had pulled over a stolen car. It contained a male driver and a female passenger that turned out to be a mother and her son. The son began to fight us when we attempted to handcuff him. The arresting officer in the heat of the struggle said, "Stop fighting us you S.O.B."! His mother jumped into the fray and screamed, "Don't call my MFing son a S.O.B."!! Now that's a close family!

 

[jeff of pa]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Damn Right?

Guess she took it Personal

 

[vic910]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

These are great!! The humorous side of "Cops"! Keep 'em coming!

vicki

 

[surfrat96]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Jimmie, looks like you're a magnet for stupid questions! lol

 

[dano91]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

I asked a pharmacist if he had cotton ball's, and he yelled at me "Do I look like a teddy bear"

 

[Rebel]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Yo! Rebel here: Ha jimmileo! Former Prison Administrator here... weird stuff ?!? Ha! How about silent lights in the sky... watching em from guard tower... (many times...) Ha! Get book... "Hidden
Files" by Sue Kovach... "google" (do engine search) on BLUE SENSE... (playing "Twilight Zone" theme song in background...)

 

[stoney56]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Oh dang! My side is hurting! ROFLMAO . Joseph Wambaugh's "The Choirboys" II. Jim, sounds like book writing time-those are priceless!
Kind of like the guy running into the police station here and yelling that needed a priest "Quick" as friend was possessed and needed an exorcism so the Sgt. said "I'm Catholic-show me". Turned out apt was full of meth, acid, pot, and his friend was runnig around naked yelling and screaming. Turned out was just sampling a bit too much of the merchandise. Until th Sgt. retired a while back he had to live with the nickname moniker "Father".

 

[JARMAN]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Jim,Tho's are so ,You should do a book,My life as a cop Or send them into Readers Digest.Can't stop .Bring on the rest.

 

[pepperpump]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

LOL!!!
Pepperpump

 

[Monty]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

? Oh, It's not just cop stuff that happens to me.? These things go on all the time.?
for instance....I went to Wally World about a week ago and had trouble finding a parking place.? Even though I have a handicapped tag, I wound up parking way out on the north forty.? I could barely see the Wally Sooper Dooper Store from my car and it was in among thousands of others just like it.? It seems when I bought my mid-size silver Malibu, everyone within a hundred mile radius bought one that looks just like it.? Needless to say when I came out with my groceries I couldn't find my car.? I knew just about where it was so I took the half mile stroll out in that general area.? Dammit!? I still couldn't see it!? Was I having a senior moment? Probably.? Anyway, I suddenly got a bright idea, I have my auto trunk opener with me so I'll just pop the trunk and watch for the silver car with the open trunk.? So, I push the button and stare into the sea of silver and .......nope, don't see it.? Well, it must be wrong row,? and maybe I'm out of range.? I move over a row and push the auto trunk lift button again.....nothing!? Still don't see it.? This same routine goes on for about five rows of cars and I am beginning to sweat, it's hot out there on the concrete pushing that heavy cart, my ice cream is melting , my frozen shrimp is beginning to drip and I am leaning on the cart with my tongue hanging out as I don't walk distances well anyway.....and then I see it, right there where I put it an hour ago!? I limp over to my car and as I approach I notice an older lady standing by my car looking around.? I thought, well I'm not the only one who is lost as I sigh in relief.? ?When I start to load my groceries the lady approaches me and says, "Is this your car?"? And I think, "No, I always load groceries into other people's cars."? Biting my tongue, I reply to the affirmative.? The lady says then, "Well you better get your trunk fixed."? "I've been standing here by it for some time and your trunk keeps coming open." "Don't worry, nothing is missing because every time it opened, I shut it for you real fast!"? ?Aaaaaaaaagh!

And, oh yes, there was the one about the guy with the gender identity crisis......... kidding Pete. Don't forget, paybacks are hell!

 

[Nana40]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

OH Jimmileo-----These are SO FUNNY!.....I was telling my family about the story of the weed-eater and I thought they were going to die! Now I'll have to tell them about the trunk!........These stories ARE SO FUNNY!

Thanks for the chuckle!
Nana

 

[Monty]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

A few years ago I had some surgery and the doctor told me to walk a mile a day to get me back in shape. We live close to the Arkansas River and when the river is low there are big sandbars with lots of interesting things that washed up. See, my yen for "stuff" came before my metal detecting addiction, it just feeds it. To get to the river bottom you have to walk down a railroad track for about a quarter. When I left the house I remembered I had seen some snakes along the river before and grabbed the first handgun I came to from my gun safe to take with me. I was dressed in my finest....what you might call detectin' clothes and hadn't shaved since my surgery, pretty scruffy even for me. ( There are a few hobo tent cities along the river I should explain). As I was walking along the railroad tracks along comes a little electric car on rails with a couple of burley railroad workers riding it. The pull up next to me as I step off the tracks and start hassling me lilke I was one of those hobos. Things like worthless lazy bum, get a job etc. One of them asked if I was hunting. I said no, just walking. They then proceeded to threaten to have me arrested for hunting on railroad property. Getting more than a little irritated I repeated that I was not hunting, just walking. One of them then asked me if I had any money. I said what do you have in mind and he said said , "You want to stay out of jail don't you?" I'd had enough so I pulled back my coat exposing my weapon that just happened to be a .44 magnum with a 7 1/2" barrel and me being not too tall it hung half way down my leg. I said, " I'm not worried, are you?" At which time it was, "We were just kidding SIR!" We'll just be on our way now SIR!" Have a nice day SIR!" Last time I saw them there was sparks flying off the wheels of that little rail car! All they needed was an attitude adjustment!

 

[omnicognic]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

I was exiting K-mart and while in the parking lot a gentleman came out, got in his car, started it and began to pull out. The car sropped very suddenly and pulled back into the spot. He got out of the car and shot me a sheepish grin and said "that wasn't my car!" he then goes one row over and the same new model and color car gets in and drives off! I have also gotten the weed wacker line, I'm tempted to tell them that it's the new laser model! A friend of mine and I were downtown by the courthouse and there was an older woman in a parallel space going back and forth not getting anywhere. so I got up front and my friend takes the rear and we give her directions for about 5 minutes (big car, small space) eventually I was able to announce "there you go, parked perfectly!" at which she angrily replied "I was trying to get out!" LOL!

HH omnicognic 8)

 

[Monty]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Even my family is weird! My Grandmother was a litttle Cherokee Indian woman about 5'2" tall and full of vinegar. She dipped Garretts snuff right out of the can all her life. She swore like a sailor but as long as she didn't use God's name she said, "That ain't cussin'!"She had 8 kids, three sets of fraternal twins and my uncle Bill. Bill was the only one with a name. She had nic names for all the others and I never heard her call them by their given name. Bill was the baby of the family. Dad's older twin brothers were "Nigh" and "Jake", really Clarence and Clyde. Another of her sons was "Red Roni", just like macaroni. He wasn't red headed and I never saw him eating macaroni either! His real name was Claude Alvin. Dad was "Littleun'" and his twin brother was "Bigun". Neither boy had a name. Dad's given name was just J. W. and my uncle Bigun was just J. C. The army insisted they had a name when they were drafted in WWII so Dad picked James William and my uncle chose James Carol! This was James and his other brother James! There was another boy and girl twins that was never named at all. Grandma said he was called Lazrus but that wasn't his name. The girl was just," my girl." I'm sure Grandma had some reason for the things she did but I never thought to ask while she was alive. She told me once that Dad was the smaller of the twins so he was called Littleun and my Uncle Bigun, well you can guess. She was the only one in my family who called me Jim, everyone else called me Jimmy. When she did call my name she had to run through all the boys names before she got it right, She'd say, " Littleun, Bogun, Jake .....Jim, dang it I do know your name! She didn't have an inside toilet until 1967. She said, "It ain't right for someone to $hit in the house!" She had two razor strops, one red and one black that she always threatened to spank me with. She called one Hitler and the other Mousilini! Hitler was black and Mousilini was red. She use to laugh and tell Mom, Jim said it was ok to whip him with Hitler but don't use that old Mousilini." She always kept me entertained. I was the oldest grandchild and her pet. She use to put coffee in a cup and let me "paint" her woodwork with it. She always fried curley eggs and had balogna and Vess soda pop for lunch. Always! She never left a fire on at night for fear of suffocation and put a dozen blankets on her bed. She kept a chamber pot under the bed and emptied it every morning at daylight. She said comin' and goin' and ifin this and ifin that. We'll go to town tomorrow ifin it don't rain. When I jumped on her bed she said, "Get offinat". A bootlegger lived next door and a continuous stream of winos came across her yard. I thought it was natural and heck didn't all Grandmothers have winos in their yard? She always met them at the door with a big butcher knife when they got the wrong house. More often than not she'd threaten to cut their dang guts out iffin they didn't get offin her porch. Her house was just gray wood and was never painted. She said to paint is was puttin' on airs and she was from poor folk. As she got older she got funnier and told me the story about the preacher and the grizzly bear a thousand times at least, her only joke. "Lord if you can't help me, please don't help that grizzly bear!" I miss her.

 

[stoney56]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

ok, that explains a lot.

 

[Nana40]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

AWWWW! That's not a weird family......Your Grandmother sounds like mine! Only my Granny used Bruton snuff! HAHA! I remember once when she and my Aunt Eula decided to drive to California......Aunt Eula got pulled over by a police officer on the free way for going to slow! And then once they did get there, Granny found out that she couldn't buy Bruton snuff in California so she had my Mom send her some! PRONTO! HAHA! I know how you feel........I really miss my Granny too!
I absolutely love your stories!

Nana

 

[bk]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Thats not as bad as leaving the plastic wrap on it.

 

[stoney56]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Or my wife's great-grandmother who ran a restraunt out of a hotel in Olkmulgee. Was widowed in a farm altercation over property ownership. She had like 9 kids to feed and support so she ran moonshine out the back door of the restraunt. Was doing some geneology research at the state historical museum in Okla. City. There on the fron page of Olkmulgee's newspaper was the arrest and story. They subsequently busted her several more times for the same thing, but she always seemed to have gotten a suspended sentence. Guess the judge must have decided she needed the extra funds more than jail.