Rather Ugly Encounter with a Property Owner (A Builder)

[mangum]

You did nothing wrong.. Personally, I always offer to share or at least show owners what I find although construction sites are something I've never tried... I have never been given a flat "no". I'm good with people in these situations (although I suck in other social situations..) Also- people in my neck of the woods are curious but generally very nice & genuine, that's the Soutb (no offense intended). You just came across a bad situation. BUT metal detecting is a numbers game just like dating. You can't let one or 20 mid get you down, just keep going!

 

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[bkamusic]

My wife taught me the best reply to someone going off on you. As they stand there yelling and cussing, smile and laugh. They get even mader,but they are the only one acting like a fool. and you get the last laugh.

 

[Erik in NJ]

This "guy" was an anomaly. Even people up here have been quite nice about digging in yards of very expensive homes and it always surprises me, but this guy was not a homeowner, just a two-bit builder wanna-be trying to make a buck by demoing a small house on a small property in a nice town and trying to put as big a house as possible on the lot. It'll be quite funny when I have a chat with the town building inspector about his demeanor and verifying the credentials of all the "contractors" he employs.

You did nothing wrong.. Personally, I always offer to share or at least show owners what I find although construction sites are something I've never tried... I have never been given a flat "no". I'm good with people in these situations (although I suck in other social situations..) Also- people in my neck of the woods are curious but generally very nice & genuine, that's the Soutb (no offense intended). You just came across a bad situation. BUT metal detecting is a numbers game just like dating. You can't let one or 20 mid get you down, just keep going!

 

[Erik in NJ]

I knew I should have added a sixth option to the poll about donning a Nicole Kidman wig and showing up at Jeff's door asking permission to hunt his property!

 

[screwynewy]

Sounds like you won't be choosing option #1 in your poll.

 

[Erik in NJ]

Sounds like you won't be choosing option #1 in your poll.

To be honest I was leaning towards option #3 or #4, but the Nicole Kidman option would have been hilarious!!

 

[Argentium]

Well Erik , since you've asked our opinion concerning your " original approach etc.", I agree with the majority of responses ,that once he
made it clear to you that he didn't want you on the property , you should have hit the road . "he says no , he doesn't want me on the
property". While it is disappointing , there really is no room for debate here .

 

[Back-of-the-boat]

I don't think you were wrong in wanting to give your card and I would have gone off also if someone got in my face but I don"t work well with others so I just always avoid that type of situation.I only ask people I know or know through someone else.

 

[Erik in NJ]

Then I'm assuming you are also of the opinion that there was no room for debate when those Americans boarded a British vessel in Boston Harbour and tossed several tons of her dear cargo into the waters. Ironically all I tried to do was give him my card But then again he was no British gentleman

Well Erik , since you've asked our opinion concerning your " original approach etc.", I agree with the majority of responses ,that once he
made it clear to you that he didn't want you on the property , you should have hit the road . "he says no , he doesn't want me on the
property". While it is disappointing , there really is no room for debate here .

 

[etex]

I hunt with several friends, If one of us gets turned down, we let some time go by and next time a different one of us will go to the door and ask

 

[scott9050]

When I have been rejected in the past I try to leave with a positive spin usually saying something to the effect of "Well if you ever lose anything and need someone to come over and find it, please remember me" and give them a card with my info.
I never get into a confrontation because you have no idea who is crazy and who might be armed and wants to take it to another level. It simply is not worth it and they have a right to say no.

 

[Frankn]

Well I must admit that I have just gone back to the Pirate House thread location to ask permission after I didn't get an answer the first time, just a I'll think about it. I got the answer. It was no. He had my card and I told him the offer was still open if he changed his mine.
Sometimes you have to just live with his decision unless you can find some leverage.

Now as far as your NO. The big problem today is LIABILITY. The country has gone sue crazy and the guy didn't want to chance it. You need to find a common thread before you approach anyone and even then chance is involved. Hay, it took me a year to get permission on the last one! Frank...

Sometimes you can grow old waiting for the yes!

 

[squiggy]

So they tore down an old house (ca 1850) in town not too long ago and I noticed some men working outside for the first time. I stopped to see if I could obtain permission while the yard is being torn up. This around 60 year old guy with an Eastern-European accent (not that there's anything wrong with that) approaches me and I introduce myself, explain my interest in local history, and ask if I can look for relics on the property.

He gives me a skeptical look and then asks if I have insurance. I say yes. And he says no, he doesn't want me on the property. I ask him if there's any particular reason. He replies that if I get hurt that he's responsible. This is where I did not have a good answer and I wish I did (and no signing a waiver is not the answer)! So I say thank you and leave.

After lunch I get to thinking that I should go back and give him my card and show him some simple relics and ask me to call him if he has a change of heart. I can be very charming when I want to be and I fugure it was worth a shot.

When I get there I see one guy and ask where the owner is. He says "I don't speak English"--what a surprise! Then I see the owner riding this little joke of a bulldozer type vehicle moving old growth trees that he's had cut down. I figure I don't want to bother him while he's working and stand on the side of the road for a few minutes.

After a while I decide to leave and get in my car. The owner comes over to me and yells "Stop bothering me!! Get off my property!!" A bit shocked, I replied that I only came to give him my card and he goes on with his rant. Well those who know me here know that I don't mince words and this guy's attitude was about the worst I've encountered so I gave him an earfull which I will not describe here, but let's just say I made a few comments about him that he'll remember Then I called the shade tree commission here in town to make sure he's got the permission to cut down those trees. Unfortunately he does, but I was sure to tell the head of the commission what the guy was like. She remembered me from a pruning clinic last year and asked me to join the commission!

So this was an ugly encounter with an idiot that I don't wish to repeat...any suggestions on my original approach, etc? I have found several builders in my area to be very difficult when it comes to detecting and I'd love to be able to find a way for the borough hall to come down on them the way they have tried to come down on me.

YOU should have respected the boundary he set when he said NO!
He managed this correctly YOU DID NOT!

Sent from my VS920 4G using Tapatalk 4 Beta

 

[Argentium]

No , I most certainly would not equate your situation with a decision on the part of the colonists to defy tyranny - A decision I wholeheartedly
applaud . I apologise for using the words "no room for debate" in expressing my disagreement with your decision. One of the great things
about this forum , is that there is room for debate !

 

[Schemp]

IMHO, while he may have said NO he still had no right whatsoever to come off as he did when you went back to just give him a card. He simply could have said, I said no the first time and left it at that, walked away without ever taking your card. Theres no harm in asking a second time, people do change their minds all the time. His culture as an excuse for his behavior is just an excuse, and shouldnt be tolerated by anyone, in any culture. Maybe he had a bad day, it was hot, his boyfriend left him and wife divorced him, dog ran away, and the truck radio broke, who knows but it still doesnt give him the right to act that way towards anyone plain and simple.

Heck its of my opinion now, since he made your day crap, its only fair to try and make his day crap Building Inspectors are your best friends, or worst nightmare this I know all too well......

OR you could just walk away since ya already gave him a piece of your mind in return, people like him usually get bit in the ass later down the road anyhow.

 

[Oneshot]

If you go back a third time you risk one of two scenarios: He is either going to think there is something really wrong with you *or* He may think you like him and are not really there for the hunting, in which case you may have another problem on your hands, depending on how you feel about it!

 

[Erik in NJ]

Hear! Hear! My sentiments exactly! I just went back to hand him a card that I did not have with me the first time. I didn't bother him while he was working--I stood off the property waiting to see if he would take a break. Heck, I had no intention of asking him for permission a second time unless the conversation naturally turned around. Anyway to those who say I didn't "manage" the situation correctly--sorry, I don't tolerate rudeness. The guy obviously has issues and his demeanor bears that out!

IMHO, while he may have said NO he still had no right whatsoever to come off as he did when you went back to just give him a card. He simply could have said, I said no the first time and left it at that, walked away without ever taking your card. Theres no harm in asking a second time, people do change their minds all the time. His culture as an excuse for his behavior is just an excuse, and shouldnt be tolerated by anyone, in any culture. Maybe he had a bad day, it was hot, his boyfriend left him and wife divorced him, dog ran away, and the truck radio broke, who knows but it still doesnt give him the right to act that way towards anyone plain and simple.

Heck its of my opinion now, since he made your day crap, its only fair to try and make his day crap Building Inspectors are your best friends, or worst nightmare this I know all too well......

OR you could just walk away since ya already gave him a piece of your mind in return, people like him usually get bit in the ass later down the road anyhow.

 

[Tom_in_CA]

reply

Erik, I haven't read all the other replies to this point, but here's my take: I disagree with those who say you should never have gone back and tried again. I have .... on occasion, tried more than once, and have INDEED gotten someone to reconsider. It's not impossible. Although yes, you might continue to get a "no". Even a rude one. Those people here who are saying things like "you should have understood that no meant no" and "what part of no don't you understand", are falling victim to the following pyschology: They are seeing this in slow-motion replay, so OF COURSE it's easy to say what they're saying. If it had gone the other way, and the fellow had had a change of heart, those SAME people would be saying: "see? it doesn't hurt to try. congradulations!". doh!

Kind of like when we all watch NFL. When a key play happens against our team (an interception, a fumble, etc...) we all groan, right? And SURE ENOUGH, the slow motion replay comes up, and the sportcaster will invariably show how a receiver on the left side of the field was totally open. But instead, the quarterback threw to another receiver who was better covered, and got intercepted. So what do we all do when we see that slow-motion replay?? We shout: "That stupid quarterback should have thrown left, NOT right". See what geniuses we are? Heck, WE should be the quarterback, since we are seeing what that quarterback was too stupid to see. It's a plain as the nose on your face, when you watch it in slow motion replay, right? You see the trick why it's easy for someone to say "what a dumb move for you to go back and ask 2x". They're falling victim to this 20-20 hindsight trick.

 

[Tom_in_CA]

Also I want to say, that sometimes in this hobby, you have to have a thick skin. Not everyone is going to love you, or your hobby. Unfortunately, too many people in this hobby can't handle an occasional booting, or the indignity of a "no" etc.... It's gotten to where I just roll with the punches, and be prepared for an occasional no or booting, etc... It's kind of like when someone flips you off in traffic (because perhaps they think you did a poor lane change or whatever). Do you go to them and try to get them to "love" you? No. You get away from them, avoid their gaze, etc... So too is it with metal deteting sometimes. Your not going to get everyone and every archie to "love" you. Some md'rs just can't deal with the fact that the red-carpet isn't always rolled out for them.

 

[Oneshot]

Sounds like OCD.