Worst week ever, need to buy a new machine to take my mind off of things.

[tpmrcp]

My step-dad (only dad I have known) went to the doctor 5 months ago because of a pain in his neck. After a biopsy, they said it was cancer, and it had spread all through his body. I had no idea it was that bad. I gave my Ace 250 to my nephew only 2 weeks ago because I wanted him to get some time out of the house.

I get a call early friday morning (1 week ago) from my grandma that my dad had died the night before, and it was an awful drawn out experience. He fought death to the end. He was panicking, choking, coughing because his lungs were filled with fluids. My mom had a nervous break down from no sleep in weeks and living off of no-doze and ritilin.She begins shaking him telling him to get better. My mom and dad adopted my nieces and nephews. When he finally died, they all came to say goodbye. My nephew that I gave the Ace 250 to, put on his suit to say his final goodbye. My 8 yr old niece put this note in dad's pocket. The funeral director gave it to me and my mom. Ouch, it hurts reading it.

The next day mom mom breaks one of her side teeth in half, and its too late for a dentist. Then all hell breaks loose at the viewing because my dad's mom (who has never spoken to my mom in 15 yrs) starts pointing at pictures of my nieces and nephews on a family collage saying "Well they arent his real family" ... how evil. I tell her that she is an evil old woman and to keep her mouth shut or leave. Nobody from his side of the family came to see him when he was sick or helped my mom.

We find out his 100k life insurance policy has lapsed, and that he never signed over his pension so that my mom could get it after he passed.

Then 5 minutes into my 5 hr ride back to work I get ran off the road and smash the front of my car. Then i get a ticket 3 hrs later.

I guess when it rains it pours.

 

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[stoney56]

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. It's not easy to deal with a parent's death as my wife can attest. Please read this and know that you all (the whole family) are in our prayers and offer our condolences.
Please sit down with Hannah and have a close heart to heart talk with her. If necessary, contact your church minister and have him aid you in dealing with your loss. I know he as well as everyone here can give you strength and faith during these troubling times.
Best Wishes and all our prayers.
Jeff

 

[djui5]

Wow, I don't even know what to say. My condolences.

 

[beavis]

It's easy for me to talk at this end. Things pass and become accepted. Hang in there. You have friends here to unload to.

 

[bogeymcq]

I am so sorry to be reading this news!

Please do know that you & your loved ones are in My Prayers, Well Wishes & Warmest of Warm Thoughts

My Mother had a difficult life growing up, so much so that she spent a few years growing up in an Orphanage even thou her parents were alive. At one time she went to live with her Father but the woman he had married made it very clear with the abuse she inflicted that she wanted nothing to do with his previous life. When he passed on my Mother & two of her Aunts went to pay their respects, the step mother had police come in & physical remove them. People, even when grieving, can do the most unimaginable things!

Your niece is truly hurting The saying "out of the mouth of babes" comes to mind . . She is going to need someone to talk to, maybe outside the family as well . . check with her school about guidance for her & possible other family members, it may help . .

Oh my goodness a lot of "not so good" has taken place eh . . Yes when it rains it does pour buy please always remember : have many people around you, including those here, that are more then ready to be your umbrella!

Please take care, give those loved ones around you & extra squeeze & keep us updated!!


Bogart

 

[grizzly bare]

At this point words aren't that helpful, but know that you have lots of friends on here who are praying for you and yours.
About the family, my dad died 24 years ago and two of my brothers haven't spoken since then because of fighting over dad's "estate". hard times bring out the worst , and thankfully best, in some people. Hang in. God Bless.

grizzly bare

 

[Sandman]

My feelings go out to you in your time of grief. I am truely sorry..

 

[EDDE]

pm sent

 

[SHERMANVILLE ILLINOIS]

tpmrcp,

hang in there.

Prayers for you and yours.

Life at times can be so cruel; must be a reason.

Take care.

 

[BIG61AL]

My heart aches for your loss.

 

[NWLouisianian]

Wow.

Loss of words.... Know that i will be praying for you. It's amazing how you can hear something so sad that someone is going through, not even know them and tear up for them. God bless you and your family.

nwlouisianian

 

[ivan salis]

wifes normally by law are entitled to 1/2 of their husbands pension as a form of survivors pension ---its to keep housewifes from being dumped by their hubbies when they hit retirement ----a lot of guys used the wife (as a house keeper bed mate) until just before retirement and then dumped them --then they retired and got younger "chippie" as a bed warmer--- this was fairly common sadly--- so they changed the law---and said if married (for 10 years or more) she gets half--- unless they "formally" sign away their rights / which allows for a bigger pension which stops when he dies--- by the way if his pension included health care coverage for "her" it most likely will only last 6 months after his death at most then stops no matter what--- if that ---personally on the no money for her pensiuon deal--I would check on that a bit closer to be sure---sorry to here about all your problems---Ivan

 

[Kilika]

Wow... terrible week

Cars and tickets... those are just 'things' (frustrating, I know)

Sounds like the people in your family need some extra care right now. Know that we are thinking of you with the tenderest of thoughts. I hope you can take some bereavement time off to spend with those that need you, or even just to take care of yourself. Stress and grief can make you a prime target to get sick or have a serious accident. (Hope you weren't hurt when your car got wrecked)

But, really, cut yourself some slack, take a break. And I hope you have some good friends close by. I know many of us here will be thinking of you often in the weeks to come.

Kilika

 

[Ray S ECenFL]

God Bless You and yours.

 

[Kya]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[checkmate]

I'm sorry too, hope you feel better soon. You have had a terrible ordeal.

 

[BioProfessor]

I am so sorry to hear about your ordeal. It sounds like it is as bad as it gets. Stressful times like these make people do and say things that either touch your heart or eat at your soul. Things get said or done that sometimes make things worse in dealings with the extended family. It is something that can eat at your for years if you let it. I have found that seeking out some professional help is useful at this time. A professional who can help explain to you why certain things happened or were said or done. I am not talking about a pastor. I am talking about a licensed psychologist. If you spend 5 sessions with this person, it will be the most beneficial 5 hours in your life. It will make a difference in how you come out of this. Time will pass and you will get through this. You just want to come through this without permanent changes to you life that will not allow you to move forward in a positive way.

I speak from experience. My uncle committed suicide, my father committed suicide, my mother committed suicide. My grandmother tried to commit suicide 3 times. There are some things you just can't get your head around by yourself. Use the professionals. They do help.

I know you have more on your plate than you think you can handle but you need to check out a few things. You say the life insurance policy had lapsed. Many times, life insurance policies accumulate cash value. If for some reason the premium is not paid, they can deduct some of the cash value to pay the premium and keep the policy in force. I know it happens because I am doing it right now. You need to get information on the pension benefits and laws governing surviving spouses. The Human Resources Department where the pension plan was developed should have all the information you need or refer you to some place that can help. Other benefits like health insurance, etc. may be an issue. If there was a policy in force, there is a strong possibility that it can be continued with no lapse in coverage. Again, the Human Resources People at his place of work can help. I know it will be hard but you really need to make sure the information you have is correct. There is a window of opportunity to make these changes and once it closes, it's gone.

Please use the people on this forum to help as much as we can. It helps knowing there is a group of people who care about you and what is happening in your life. People who will listen. Give us a shot. Don't say we can't help before you let us try.

Hang in there. I know how tough it is. Try to eat something, anything, just get the calories in. It will make a difference. Get some sleep. If you can't sleep, get some meds from your doctor. It will make a difference. I don't know (and it is none of my business) if you enjoy alcohol. But this is one time NOT to use it to relax or unwind or forget or whatever. It is a depressant to your body and mind and WILL not make things different or better. It disrupts your sleep, it changes your thinking, it makes you feel like crap the next day. Again, personal experience.

You will get through this. You will come out the other side. Lean on other people. Now is the time.

The one thing I had the most trouble with was laughing again. I somehow felt guilty showing joy or happiness. It took me a long time to realize that it is ok to laugh. It is ok to smile. It will take time but if you feel like it, do it. It is a positive thing.

I wish you peace and understanding.

Daryl

 

[Dinker]

Being there for your mom and the niece and nephew is the best thing you can do. I find comfort in reading my Bible, especially during times of trouble. Two of my favorite passages are

Isaiah 40:31

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint."


Isaiah 41:10

"Fear not; for I am with thee. Be not dismayed; for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."



REMEMBER: We never get too high or too low to look up. God is always there for us. Prayer does indeed change things. I will remember you in my prayers.

 

[mountainplayer]

I'm so very sorry for your (and your family's) loss. While nothing can speed the healing process, I hope that you can take some comfort from the support of your family and friends (that includes us!), and that your dad isn't suffering or afraid any more.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

MP

 

[Ricardo_NY1]

My sincere condolences to you and your family. I have a daughter and would be heartbroken in my death if she had to go through my loss that early in life.