The Big Breasted Woman and the Cicada Shell

dirtlooter

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Several years back, several of my wife's family came to visit us here in Arkansas. Her oldest sister, Rose, was a very short woman in her mid 60s. Rose was also very well endowed upstairs for such a short person. Everyone was outside in the garden down below the house except for Rose, her husband Jim and I.

I had put something in the slow cooker and went to check on Rose and Jim to see if they needed anything. They were lying on the bed and watching everyone outside when I asked if they needed anything. Rose turned over and told me that everyone in Arkansas must have a chainsaw and cut wood constantly.

I laughed and tried to explain that the "buzzing noise" that she was hearing was actually a bug, a Cicada or 17 year locust. She argued that it had to be chainsaws and so I decided to go out and find one. I started out looking for a live one, they are usually everywhere (except when you need one) but I couldn't find a live one or a dead one. So I decided to look for one of their cast off shells from when they come out of the dirt and climb onto something to emerge into an adult and fly off to breed.

Well, couldn't find one and I was looking everywhere for one. Finally I found one and hurried back to show them. When I walked in the room, both turned over to see what I had. I began explaining the life cycle of the cicada to them. Now Rose was the closest one and I was holding the cicada shell up high above her. Rose had on one of those low cut shirts that allowed a lot of her cleavage to show.

So, being the guy that I am, I "Accidentally" dropped the shell and where did it go? Right in amongst No Man's land! They were both fixed on the shell and watched as it dropped in between her breasts. Instantly Rose screamed louder than any 15 year old could with her hands and arms shaking like crazy.

She began screaming at me to "Get it out! Get it out now!" I looked over to Jim and told him, "I ain't reaching in there, you'll have to get it out." Jim grinned and proceeded to get it out. Meanwhile, the house had filled up to see who was being murdered. Of course the shell was crushed and she had to go to the bathroom to "clean up".

So, that year for Christmas, I sent her both a dead cicada and of course another shell. Jim had to tell everyone the story. I never knew that older women could scream like that but I do now LOL.
 

Oct 5, 2014
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Another wonderful story, thank you for sharing! :occasion14:
 

smokeythecat

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Nice story. I needed that.
 

Icewing

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Admit it, you were hoping she would panic and shed like a cicada (get naked)
 

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dirtlooter

dirtlooter

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Admit it, you were hoping she would panic and shed like a cicada (get naked)

not really, she was like 67 or 68 then, could have been shocking LOL
 

devldog

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Lol. That Cicada must have felt like he was between a sock and a soft place.
 

sandchip

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I've found that running a circular saw will draw in the live ones. If they're around, they'll light on me most every time I'm out cutting something. Something about the racket, I reckon.
 

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dirtlooter

dirtlooter

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I've found that running a circular saw will draw in the live ones. If they're around, they'll light on me most every time I'm out cutting something. Something about the racket, I reckon.

good vibrations...there should be a song about that
 

A2coins

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Be glad your a guy and dont have to lug those around with possible back problems
 

Icewing

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Be glad your a guy and dont have to lug those around with possible back problems


Trust me, if they were so bad breast augmentation surgery wouldn't be so popular.

Err... I mean, yes every time I see a large breasted woman I instantly pity her plight and misfortune.
 

TommyB

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Another cicada story. Several years ago my wife and I went to Downers Grove, Ill. to visit her aunt. That week, their next door neighbor came over to show us the wedding band he lost in his garden 17 years prior. Those noisy cicadas were coming out of the ground and brought his ring to the surface. I believe the local TV news station came out and did a story about it. That is a hard way to treasure hunt :laughing7:
 

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