What Would You Do?

[GoldieLocks]

I gifted my parent ancestry DNA. But after lots of genealogy in the recent past...it looks like she was adopted and may NOT know it?
She is 79, and our relationship is totally on the fritz!

 

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[releventchair]

Hug her if you can. Send her a hug if you can't.

Tests are not always 100% anyways.
And some family members are closer without blood ties too.
Family is who we want to be family. Even when we don't get along....

 

[KEYSHUNTER]

well,you have to forgive to forget any misdeeds by family...your lucky to still have your mother....who in the furture does this matter really going to matter...

 

[DeepseekerADS]

For years my "brother" has asked me to do the genetics check and I've always refused.

After all these years why would I?

Got nuthin to prove to nobody. My brother has rejected me all our lives, so what else is new?

 

[SusanMN]

What makes you think she is adopted? The only way you could possibly know that is if in your matches there are individuals identified as “close ” family that you know for sure aren’t family members. Even then it could be an aunt or uncle that for one reason or the other was unknown to your family.

Assuming you have definitive proof, I would still not tell her. She may already or she may not want to know.

 

[Back-of-the-boat]

Parents sometimes don't let their children know what they know about their past, so she may actually know and just never told you.Also sometimes skeletons in the closet should be just left in the closet, ask yourself if it would benefit your Mother to know that she might have been adopted and if she was, she still thought of her adoptive parents as Mom and Dad so bringing up something to her at her age wouldn't change the fact that two people had enough love in their hearts to bring in a child to raise as their own.Just my opinion but I have a friend that has found out she was adopted but she is still young enough that she can still meet her other family members and with some it has been happy reunions but with her biological Father it wasn't, he doesn't want any kind of relationship.But in the long run the people who adopted her and she grew up with are still Mom ,Dad and sister and brother even if not biologically.

 

[Charlie P. (NY)]

If your parents took the DNA test . . . how would they determine your Mother was adopted? Do they also have DNA on her parents?

 

[SusanMN]

If your parents took the DNA test . . . how would they determine your Mother was adopted? Do they also have DNA on her parents?

Ancestry would not tell you that. They simply provide 1) your ethnic background based on your DNA and 2) a list of other individuals who have taken their test in order of those that have the strongest match to your DNA. So for example if one of your biological parents had taken the test they would show as your closest match, full siblings below them, and cousins some where further down on the list. It is therefore possible to have an unknown biological parent take the test and show up on your DNA list as your closest relative. But in this case it’s unlikely because of her mother’s age that she had a surviving parent taking the test.

But it is still possible to see something is amiss if you cant identify other close matches you have that could be at the sibling or aunt/uncle level. Most of us know those names in our families in both sides. But user names aren’t always a match to actual name so it takes some research sometimes to recognize or not your matches as family. I actually went through this process to identify my father’s biological father even though he had been dead for 70 years.

 

[Raider19962]

Maybe YOU are the one adopted!

 

[GoldieLocks]

Yes, it's glaringly obvious if someone thinks about it at all. It's something like, everyone was told that grandma was 100% German, so mom should have been 50%. Instead there is zero German and she's, SURPRISE, 25% French instead! Only the father's genealogy looks plausable for the genetic areas mix.
So fathers sister could be real mom, or its a mistresses baby, or a full fledged adoption occurred? Or from a distant cousin and I mean distant due to the DNA mix!

 

[GoldieLocks]

Maybe YOU are the one adopted!

My DNA hadn't been run. This about my mom and her parents whom are now both Lind dead. No one is around anymore from that generation to answer questions at all!

 

[GoldieLocks]

I am wondering if my cousin, my moms sis would do dna to look for a smoking gun to prove her moms DNA levels aren't German either! Sigh.

 

[GoldieLocks]

I am wondering if my cousin, my moms sis would do dna to look for a smoking gun to prove her moms DNA levels aren't German either! Sigh.

 

[Kray Gelder]

Some cans are best left unopened. Do you love your mother? Let her know. Drop the DNA nonsense.

 

[SusanMN]

You absolutely cannot assume anything based solely on genetic makeup. Maybe one of her parents or grandparents was adopted or maybe they immigrated from another country early in their lives. They could be born in Germany and live their all their lives and not be 100% genetically German. In fact that would be a bit unusual. You have a great deal more research you need to do before reaching a conclusion.

 

[TooManyHobbies]

I think more research may be in order. Just because the family "story" is German heritage, doesn't make it so.
For example: One of the women that ran for president was allegedly told she was native american, we all know how that turned out.
Keep an open mind and let the evidence play out.