Wife just doesnt get it...

[adaminnh]

So yeah, im crabby. Im really wanting to hunt today but SHE is being a pill about it. Why? Could she really want me miserably moping around doing yard work? I put off a job even so I could go out today. (she dosent know that, sorry honey). Doesnt she realize that in a couple more weeks we're gonna be burried in snow and ice making my new found addiction impossible? I havent hunted in days now. Whats it gonna be like in february? Sure i'll have tons of clad to wash...but I might go insane. I can see myself pacing down the haul with an invisible machine and a wierd twitch in one eye. How do you folks cope with a long winter. How do you cope with a wife who just doesnt get it?

 

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[Sandman]

Aside from smacking her in the mouth and spending the rest of your life sleeping in the dog house if she didn't take that too, you could always buy her a ring, rub some dirt on it and tell her you found it for her. Soon if she is like the other greedy types, she'll soon be cutting the grass and telling you to go detecting.

 

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[NYwaterhunter]

The last time I bought jewelry for my wife was her wedding band back in 1998 (same year I started detecting)
When I first started she would nag a little. Once she started picking the rings she liked, she then insisting on me going.

 

[Calvin.Coin]

I think getting your wife involved is an excellent idea! If you love each other it shouldn't be too hard for one's obsession to spill over onto the other. Plus, teaching her to use a pin-pointer might be exciting with all of the nooks and crannies you could tuck the test object into...

enjoy the hunt because treasure is where you find it,
cc

 

[Sandman]

Calvin, either you or I have a dirty mind.....

 

[Calvin.Coin]

The vibrating alarm feature on some pin-pointer's has been proven to produce the best results...Most wives have no complaints after thorough testing!

peace,
cc

 

[DaveandBlitz]

My first wife told it's either her or my hobbies...my second said it was her or the dog(Blitz), now I have a dog that loves to go with me everywhere and we go detecting, shed hunting, fishing, etc whenever we feel like it and weather permits. I only date women that like my dog and my hobbies now, and my retirement has been a blast so far!! Get her interested in detecting by hook or by crook! You'll enjoy your time together and/or she'll understand how you feel when you have to stay home and do house work while she goes metal detecting!

 

[pat-tekker-cat]

adaminnh, well, you know what they tell you, from the time you're a little kid in grade school, right?: Whenever you find yourself in a disagreement like this, the way to resolve conflict is you "talk about it" with the person. Right? Sounds so simple, and who can argue with "talking about it", right? It just "rolls off the tongue". But as I'm sure you've discovered thus far (as have a lot of us married guys), that the trouble with this "solution", is that this process of "talking about it", is never OVER...........

Jesus H. Macy. I'ma girl and that's about all the "talking about it" I can take!
tomincal, adminnh(and maybe some of you others) if you are having this much difficulty communicating with your wife, I would suspect there is a deeper problem, besides just you going MDing.

The definition of insanity is repeating the same action expecting a different outcome.
If what you have been doing has not been working, take in some new info on the subject (ie, your relationship/marraige), and see if a different approach, may be bring you some desired results. I am sure there would be info here that you can employ and share with your spouse.
Relationships | Psychology Today

Perhaps some new and better understandings could come about. If she don't think it's important (your relationship/marraige) to learn and nurture it, well, that may not be a good sign. If you don't feel it's important (your relationship/marraige) to learn and nurture it, well........again, not a good sign. Failure of either partner to accept that their relationship/marraige is important and matters, would cause these last two articles, to make even more sense, at least to me.
Narcissism
Strategies to Deal with a Victim Mentality | Psychology Today

Isn't it all about what's important in life and how to get what you want out of it?
Good luck with them wives guys!


Metal Detecting: The only hobby that you don't have to worry about what he is chasing!

 

[Tom_in_CA]

pat-tekker-cat, when you say this dilema is: " .... difficulty communicating with your wife ....", then sure. We'd all like better "communication". The trouble is, the definition of communication is..... for some persons .... is that it's only "over" when you've uttered the words "yes dear". Otherwise, ....... well ... the discussion isn't over yet.

So you see, it's possible that some persons (husbands can be JUST as guilty for the their input on the desires of their wives) who simply look at any such communication as on-going, until you concur and agree. Short of that, well .......the "communicating" isn't over yet, since there's not mutual concurance. You see how couples who are each ... uh ... "self confident" in nature, it can, indeed, create situations of "ties" or "impasses" that no amount of "talking about it" causes the other person to perk up and say "oh yeah, now I get it. It IS a good idea that you metal detect" (or buy the 100th pair of shoes, or whatever).

So the issue here is, "what do you do in the case of ties"? To say "talk about it" (or "communicate" or whatever word you want to use), is circular. Because the very definition of a "tie" implies that the couple has already talked about it, to have arrived at this "tie" to begin with (lest there wouldn't be a "tie"). It's certainly not fair for a man to always detect, and ignore all domestic and husbandly love and attention. But conversely, nor is it fair that there be a wife who stops her husband from going out, when he really wants to. Like when the storms are eroding the beach, or a sidewalk demo. just occurred in the heart of old-town that's only going to last 1 night, etc.....

"If what you have been doing has not been working, take in some new info on the subject (ie, your relationship/marraige), and see if a different approach, may be bring you some desired results. "

Those of us, in the predicament of this thread's discussion, would love to know that "new info", and "different approach", that will melt our wives, and allow us to hunt without being in the dog-house.

 

[JT1080]

JT1080, yes that's your opinion, and yes, that's what he asked for. So do-tell, when you tell your wife "I want to enjoy the outdoors and blow off steam" (as you say you say, in honesty), do you get to go detecting? Or does it result in a "talking about it" that results in your eventually tiring, and simply staying home? Or perhaps she says "sure, go ahead", (in which case, you have a great wife!). I'm just curious, as this is a very contentious thing for me right now.

One time, I was in the middle of a howling storm, where the beach had eroded down to bedrock, and the time of low tide was late-at-night. My wife called right when I was in the thick of things and said "where are you? why aren't you home yet?" and "It's late, time to come home now", etc.... Now mind you, I was digging coins hand over fist (multiple coins per basket, as fast as I could dig), ...... so ....... what do I do? Engage in a elongated cell-phone call over the pros and cons of "whether it's time to come home and help hang pictures" ?

I'm sincerely interested in what to do in cases like this, when ...... sure ... none of us men would say to "be a j*rk" and "lie" etc.... however, "being honest" and saying "gee honey, I'm doing really good right now, I want to stay longer" simply has no effect on some women. They would simply engage you in a conversation, where ......... you eventually give up, and say "yes dear" ?

Here is the short of it. I'm not a lazy a** who sits around and procrastinates. If something needs to be done around the house, I do it.. Immediately. Why wait to the point where you have to feel like you wife is "nagging". I never understood that and I never will.

if you're not confident or capable of being honest with your wife, well, that's not my problem and it's probably something that needs to be worked on.

As far as the continuation of this thread, it's over for me. Last I checked it was a treasure hunting forum. When it starts to deviate from that, it's where of hop off the train.

 

[Escape]

Your right, she's just not getting it! Go and buy her a nice ring and tell her you found it metal detecting. She will be pushing you out the door to go and hunt.

 

[AC1955]

Buy her her own detector (Ace 250-350, Coinmaster) and get her out with you! These are lightweight machines, easy to use. (I use a Coinmaster). Even if she has no interest in MD, bring her along. If you beach hunt, she can sit on the beach with a book or walk the beach while you hunt. If you park hunt, she can also bring a book or walk around while you MD. Has she ever been MD with you? She might not know what's she's missing! Try to take her out for a short hunt - I recommend to the beach as the digging is easy and you can usually find at least some clad. (Here I am assuming you are near a beach - sorry if I'm wrong).

Tell your wife this is how to spend quality time together, outdoors in the fresh air, little talking involved (headphones make it difficult). Go out for a nice meal afterward. My husband and I detect together every weekend. Even when I don't take my machine, I walk with him, help him dig and I get to hold the "goodies". Maybe we are a "strange" couple...we LIKE to spend time together!

If your wife has really no interest in MD, push her to take up her own hobby (quilting, knitting, scrapbooking?) and encourage her strongly to pursue it. When she is spending time on her own hobbies, she can't really complain about the time you spend on yours.

From a woman's point of view (and as a homeowner), there are sometimes you just have to "suck it up" and work on the house, do errands together, etc. Talk (and this is the key) to each other. If there are things that need doing at home, compromise. "I plan to go MD on Saturday and will fix/do the "X" on Sunday. Want to join me?"

Hope this helps.

HH,
Anita

 

[adaminnh]

Whoa! I apologize... I didnt mean to cause any tension or create a marrage council forum. Relax folks. I didnt go...but I am today.(job still not ready wink wink). Everyone had good points. I chose to ''pick my battles''. I'll save my good(lies) for when my buddy takes me to hooters for my birthday. Hint hint roland...just for the wings...i swear...they're yummy.

 

[pat-tekker-cat]

Oh Lordy, I was worried I was gonna hafta claim PUI this morning! I think I can live with this. LOL!
*tucks get out jail free card back into pocket*

Those of us, in the predicament of this thread's discussion, would love to know that "new info", and "different approach", that will melt our wives, and allow us to hunt without being in the dog-house.

Guys, I'm gonna assume you married your wives, because you love her more than anyone else on the planet. She's hot, loves you back, and just rocks your worlds! Plus, she probly makes a mean sammich.
Imo, and adult to adult relationship, with win/win situations and outcomes, is a must. i have found that humilty, is one of the best ways to approach the misunderstood situations. Regardless of what Webster or anyone else defines humility as, I define it as; The ability to cooperate with anothers' good intentions for the better of all. In giving humility, it is what you receive in return, that others will cooperate with YOUR good intentions for the betterment of all. win/win
I just happened to stumble across this article on the subject, though I hate pop-up ads that don't shut-up, I was able to make it through this read, perhaps a little wiser. Maybe you can, too.
Humility: How Can You Have It? | Lifescript.com

Whoa! I apologize... Relax folks. I didnt go... but I am today......
I chose to ''pick my battles''. I'll save my good(lies) for when my buddy takes me to hooters for my birthday. Hint hint roland...just for the wings...i swear...they're yummy.

Why you apologizing? You have a valid point, in that something that is important to you, is not being met. Your wishes and desires are important and should matter to your wife. Btw, you BETTER be out there today getting her that 2 carat diamond, in that 18k gold, ring today, too! hehehehe Please refer back to my first post.

I know the maternal instinct in women can be strong, but I gotta wonder sometimes, why and how does a wife turn into a mother to her spouse? (please remember adult to adult.....) I like this next article, helps one recognize what type of beast they are dealing with. I do however, think it should be entitled; Is This Your Mom or Your Wife?
Is This Your Mom? - Will I Ever Be Good Enough

Again, ya married her for a reason, make it work! People make happen what they want to make happen!
Sorry bout derailing your thread, too adminnh, I'm good about that! LOL!
Oh, and bring me home some chiken wings, too, please!
With much love, cat out! Rawr!


eta, Marraige is not a spectator sport. It is a full on contact sport. It requires participation.

 

[releventchair]

She don,t get it. You detect.(a hobby?). I could see compromise of going same day,times allowing her to go allso or do what she wants.
Having been divorced twice i now stick to coming and going as i please and pursuing"hobbies"when timing right. But am chief dish washer and many other things in home,not dodging anything needs doing but its on my timing. Gal living here don,t like it she's free to go. Its a hobby not a crime. I encourage hers that she likes i don,t try to find anything for her to do,(two way street that). She doesn't,t call when i,m hunting,welcome to if its important.
Of all the goofy descriptions of love a favorite of mine is from an old episode of kung fu, "love is harmony in dischord."
A couple without has bigger problems than hobbies!

 

[NYwaterhunter]

Plane and Simple...
It comes down to two things
Maturity and Trust.
My wife can do as she pleases and same with me.
When we get home it makes it all the better and we are home every night!
Wouldn't trade her for a million gold rings. (sure would have to think twice!)

 

[kayden]

Use this line: Look honey, you got two choices..you can get mad or you can GET OVER IT.....Then walk out the door and go...it's as easy as that.

Enough said.

lol....Gee Ill remember that the next time I call your house to see if you can go detecting with the guys!

 

[Treasure finder]

I bet this becomes one of the longest threads on Treasure Net.
Rich

 

[cti4sw]

I have this problem every single time and ends up with wife saying "you care more about metal detecting than you do about us (her and son). But, she changes when i find something good!

This is why I don't give in...

 

[Sandman]

Sometimes a male has to do what he has to do.

 

[pat-tekker-cat]

Welllll, looks like ya'll ain't done "talking about it"! LOL!

I don't mean to be so "preachy" about it all. I just come off another forum, that has a bunch of whiney-azz, armchair world of warcraft (wow), kids, who hate women, themselves, and the world. They see themselves as victims, and for the life of them, couldn't catch a clue, if you melted it down and poured it over their heads.
I been asking for a long time now, What is WRONG with people now a days! In fact made a craigslist rant and rave about it, got lotsa responses from all over the country! LOL! (Positive responses, btw). LOL!

I have this problem every single time and ends up with wife saying "you care more about metal detecting than you do about us............

I can't stand when someone tries to shame or guilt me into to their agendas! Yeah, I gotta a friend, thinks she gonna play that game. Too bad, my boundries don't allow me to feel guilty, cause I don't always do what you want me to do!

And we wonder why we have such a problem with bullys in school and with the kids. Where ya'll think they learning this stuff from? ADULTS!
Perhaps we start teaching PROPER interactions with others, and how to develope, love, and respect for others and self, and that ppl are accountable for their words and actions, sometimes with NOT GOOD outcomes! Hey, that's life!

What is the saying? A person who does not take responsibility for their actions, will forever believe himself to be the victim of others. And that his life, is nothing more than fate....... something like that! LOL! I know what I meant! LOL!