Permission Rejection Psychology

Deep1

Sr. Member
Dec 30, 2018
374
840
Carolina Lowcountry
Detector(s) used
XP Deus, Nox 800, Garrett Sea Hunter Mark II, Poor ole wore out Fisher 1266 that still finds stuff.
Primary Interest:
All Treasure Hunting
I'm gonna try to give my thoughts on not gaining permission and fear of asking for it.
And making it easier on you to ask for it.
I've been MDing for 45 years.
More importantly, I was in sales for 35 years. Spent most of that time cold calling. Toughest sales job of all, convincing strangers to trust you and your product or service.
When I started MDing in the 70s, it was so easy, no idiots leaving craters, disrespecting people's property, leaving trash.
You asked and you were welcome.
One of the things that stand in my mind the most, Mr. Yearly( may he R.I.P.) a very kind man, had given me permission to search his plantation, Tombee.
I'd been out there about 3 or 4 times, when Mr. Yearly saw me working near the entrance and stopped to talk and see what I found. He told me to search the yard of the plantation house. I told him that I didn't feel good about doing his yard. It wasn't your average yard, looked more like a putting green. Told me not to worry about it, said he'd seen the care I'd taken to cover my holes.
It went like that thru the 80's.
Then came digital in the 90's. It changed everything. MDing got a lot easier.
More people than ever where MDing.
That's when the problems started.
Trespassing, property damage, lack of respect for property and its owners.
As we went into the 21st century, things got even worse.
I'm losing permissions I had for years or begging to retain permission. Hearing the same story over and over, people trespassing, leaving holes, tearing up crops, letting cows loose and on and on. I've had it turn into a *****fest against me.
And now, it's 2019, it's harder than ever to get permission.
What used to be 1 out of 10 denying permission in the 70's and 80's, is now 9 out of 10 denying permission.
That's a lot of NO's. Rejection sucks.
It's hard on the ego.
I started dreading knocking on doors. Knowing I had a 90% chance of being denied. My negativity was surely no helping me.
I needed to come out of this funk, so I sat down with Mr. Jim Beam and we had a talk about rejection.
He reminded me when I was a child, I went and knocked on a friend's door to see if he could come out and play, only to be told by Mama he has to stay in and do homework, that's rejection. Or going door to door selling candy bars for our school, not everybody bought them, that's rejection.
Did it bother me? No, I was a child, just blew it off and went to the next door. Thank god for childish innocence. You have not discovered what your ego is at that age or the damage it can do to you psyche.
We talked about my sales career, the national average for closings was 1 in 5, that's an 80% rejection rate. Did it bother me? Yes, now my living depended on it and worse my ego hated being rejected. It really started beating me up and is a big reason why I retired early.
He asked if it really makes a difference in my life if I gain permission or not. Will it put food on my table? No. Will it pay my bills? No.
Does my living depend on it? No, it's just a hobby.
So, what difference does it make? None. Life will go on as it was.
After my talk with Mr. Beam, I knew I had to do something. My ego loves fishing, it makes him happy to catch fish, so we went fishing.
Got him all distracted catching fish and before he knew what happened, I snatched him up and tied a 20 lb anchor around his feet and chunked him in a 100 ft of water. He went down screaming and yelling. The little SOB was so toxic fish started floating to the top.
Goodbye, it was not nice knowing you. I feel much better now.

I now see things differently:
I was not Mding the property before I asked permission, if i get denied, I still not MDing it. Nothing has changed.
It didn't hurt a thing in the world to ask.
No big deal, I'll just move on to the next one. It will be a yes.

Best sales advice I ever got:
Develop trust.
You will not close every deal, not matter how good you are.
It doesn't hurt to ask.
Don't be afraid to ask for their business.(Permission)
If you don't ask for it, you won't get it.(Knock on that door)
Ask what you can do to earn their business.( Have you lost something I could find for you?)
If you don't get it, ask what you can do to change their mind.(I got a guy who gave me a no, give 10 minutes in a corner, ended up with permission to the property)
Don't worry over it. Move on to the next one.
I remember this advice every time I go for permission.

All of which brings me to these thoughts:
Get rid of your ego.
Knock on the door and ask, no harm will come from it. You are simply going to get a yes or no.
If it is a no, accept it and move on to the next one. It's not life changing.
Don't let fear of rejection get in your way.
The next one will be a yes and if you are afraid to ask, you won't get that YES.

Go ahead and knock on that door, the no's are tough, but the yes's will make up for that.
The yes's will come.
Sometimes a yes can also get you into a no.
 

Upvote 0

lairmo

Silver Member
Jan 1, 2009
2,952
4,890
SW MO
Detector(s) used
Garrett AT Pro/ Fisher M-Scope 1280-X
Company meeting 2 days ago with the same meaning...I wish they would have had you as the speaker...
 

RustyGold

Gold Member
Aug 16, 2013
9,372
10,901
Southern California
Detector(s) used
XP Deus I & II
Xterra Pro
Primary Interest:
Other
Excellent, excellent post Deep! The fear of rejection is a paralyzer. We have to remain as children in these matters.
Sharing our finds with the owner and getting them excited in their own history wins the day or permission. Sometimes.
 

Oct 5, 2014
31,886
35,425
Massachusetts
🥇 Banner finds
1
🏆 Honorable Mentions:
1
Detector(s) used
Garrett: AT Pro, AT Gold & Infinium; Minelab: Explorer SE, II; Simplex; Tesoro: Tejon & Outlaw; White's: V3i
Primary Interest:
Relic Hunting
Excellent post Deep1.:occasion14:
 

Okdirtfisher64

Jr. Member
Dec 22, 2018
93
101
Tulsa,Ok
Detector(s) used
F75+ fisher 11”,5” dd coils
F pulse pin pointer
Black widow headphones
Predator 31c raptor hand digger,
Whites mxt e-tracker stock 9” ,4x6,coil
Garrett AT Pro,ground shrark
Primary Interest:
All Treasure Hunting

Rednecky

Greenie
Nov 25, 2018
13
9
Middle Bama
Detector(s) used
AT Pro and MX Sport
Primary Interest:
Relic Hunting
Asking for permission has always been a struggle for me. It makes me feel like some bum begging for something. I don’t know why. Maybe I can chunk the ego too !!!! Thx for the post good points to think on.
 

IDXMonster

Hero Member
Mar 16, 2014
770
1,278
New Glarus,WI
Detector(s) used
Current….Deus2, ExplorerSEPro, Explorer2, IDXPro-M
Past….Deus1, CTX3030, Equinox800, eTrac, Compadre
Primary Interest:
All Treasure Hunting
That’s as awesome as it gets! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The only thing being ventured here is the walk up to the door! GREAT post Deep!
 

CoinHunterAZ

Hero Member
Feb 18, 2013
858
1,498
Flagstaff, AZ
Detector(s) used
Tesoro Sidewinder Umax, Garrett ATPro, Minelab Equinox 800, Garrett Pro Pointer
Primary Interest:
All Treasure Hunting
Another word of advise: If you have a heart to heart with Mr. Beam just prior to doing some door knocking, might wanna take along some breath mints.
 

Philvis

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2008
414
330
Virginia
Detector(s) used
Minelab Equinox 600
Another word of advise: If you have a heart to heart with Mr. Beam just prior to doing some door knocking, might wanna take along some breath mints.
Or enough to share with the person you are trying to obtain permission from!
 

A2coins

Gold Member
Dec 20, 2015
33,807
42,606
Ann Arbor
🏆 Honorable Mentions:
3
Detector(s) used
Equinox 800
Primary Interest:
All Treasure Hunting
Great post I just got a no but Ill live lol
 

OP
OP
Deep1

Deep1

Sr. Member
Dec 30, 2018
374
840
Carolina Lowcountry
Detector(s) used
XP Deus, Nox 800, Garrett Sea Hunter Mark II, Poor ole wore out Fisher 1266 that still finds stuff.
Primary Interest:
All Treasure Hunting
Great post I just got a no but Ill live lol


That no, just put you 1 no closer to a yes.
It's a number game, the no's will outnumber the yes's. That is a metal detecting fact of life.
I've been shot down so many times, I feel like I'm in a dogfight with the Red Barron on groundhog day, and every time he shoots me down, I get back in the plane only to be shot down again.
But I know that eventually groundhog day will be over and I'll get into the plane and win that dogfight.
All you can do is just plugging away for permissions, you're not going to get them unless you ask.
 

Opie

Sr. Member
Aug 27, 2013
274
173
Primary Interest:
Other
Deep, this is without doubt the best thread I've read on here in years!
Awesome!
Stay Gold!
 

70ss454

Greenie
Feb 23, 2019
16
23
Vernon, Texas
Detector(s) used
Equinox 800
Primary Interest:
Metal Detecting
Great post. Just one question, what did you do for ten minutes in a corner to gain permisson? Sounds a little disturbing.
 

OP
OP
Deep1

Deep1

Sr. Member
Dec 30, 2018
374
840
Carolina Lowcountry
Detector(s) used
XP Deus, Nox 800, Garrett Sea Hunter Mark II, Poor ole wore out Fisher 1266 that still finds stuff.
Primary Interest:
All Treasure Hunting
Great post. Just one question, what did you do for ten minutes in a corner to gain permisson? Sounds a little disturbing.

Kind of a strange question and comment, but I'll answer it for you.
I was riding around Sheldon(if you want to know where it is, look it up)looking for sites, came across a man cutting his 2 acre yard on a riding lawnmower. On this yard was a kinda new million dollar house and a Confederate camp and later a union camp.
I stopped and asked if it was ok to metal detect his yard. The yard was not yet established and he was cutting more weeds than grass.
He considered awhile and said he preferred not. While he was considering I was looking around the yard and saw a piece in the corner(if you don't know what a corner is,google it) of the lot that had been tilled for a garden. I pointed to the garden and asked if he would give 10 minutes to detect there and show him how I worked.
After some thought,he agreed. 10 minutes, 2 eagle buttons and a knapsack buckle, later I stopped him on his lawnmower and showed him what I had found, offered him a button and the buckle, which he had no interest in and thanked him and asked him if he would reconsider. At that point he gave me the ok to do(metal detect) his yard.
To answer you question of what I did in the corner was, showed the owner I cared for his property by covering my holes, made 3 nice finds and built his trust by showing him what I found.
 

RobNC

Sr. Member
Jan 5, 2019
270
497
NC
Detector(s) used
EQ800 (Stock Coil), Nokta Legend (LG30/LG24)
Primary Interest:
Metal Detecting
It's frustrating.
Years ago I used to fish and hunt regularly. It got so bad that idiots ruined it for me. They would go in without permission, leave trash and garbage everywhere, throw fish up on the banks to die, go "4 wheelin" and tear up land.
The Land owners got tired of it, and although I was not the offender, they still painted me with the same brush- NOBODY has permission anymore they said. Was deeply upset over it for a couple reasons. #1- someone came in and abused/mistreated a nice person's property. #2- the fact I got booted out for nothing I did.
In light of that and people being dangerous/stupid I stopped hunting. And due to a-holes ruining all my fishing permissions I stopped that too.

Well today we have a different bunch out in the lands. They are worse than the old ones back in the 90's. Not only do they trespass and destroy property they try to blame it on everyone else.
So here is my take on the situaton.. Ask for permission and emphasize you care about their property(and if you can't truly say this and mean it you don't need to detect in anyone else's land). SHOW them you mean it. If you see something strange or funny TELL them about it. If you do not tell them it is possibly you can kiss that place goodbye. Treat the property as your own. Respect the owner. If you can't do that in my opinion please get yourself out of metal detecting and take up something else so you don't ruin it for all of us that use this as a release, exercise, and fun. Take up Golf or something-forget about metal detecting!
 

RobNC

Sr. Member
Jan 5, 2019
270
497
NC
Detector(s) used
EQ800 (Stock Coil), Nokta Legend (LG30/LG24)
Primary Interest:
Metal Detecting
Great post. Just one question, what did you do for ten minutes in a corner to gain permisson? Sounds a little disturbing.

Maybe he showed the land owner he wasn't an IDIOT.
 

Top Member Reactions

Users who are viewing this thread

Top