GLUTEUS MAXIMUS DETECTOR COMPANY c/o cth2 caldwell ks

[scrounger d detector collector]

dear sirs ,
i am writing to you about pricing and information on your GLUTEUS MAXIMUS line of metal detectors. i saw pictures of your equipment at a professional gathering of treasure hunters in caldwell ,kansas. the BIG CHEEZE model pictured seems a bit large for my stature. i was wondering if ur lab wizards could shrink it any which you could market as the LIL FART . hopefully finds just as much as its daddy.HAS IT BEEN field tested by the swampeast relic recovery team ? i dont know how much extra you charge for custom work.but, i would like a seperate four position LIAR switch for white,small,medium,and large lies. if you would also add some extra lights and nothing switches with alien writing , i would be grateful. this will help me fool all my t net friends into thinking i know a lot about metal detecting. the nuclear warning stickers are also impressive so add plenty of them. i want the extra large ANAL LOG meter. i myself am the inventor of the famous PROCTOPOINTER line of pinpointers .we are currently seeking distributors for our products. i think our products would be compatible.and a profitable business venture for both our companies...

hope to hear from you soon.so dont flatulate, contact me asap.
MR S.....
PROCTPOINTER INC.

 

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[Wicked Wanda]

ROTFLMAO! I love it, can we make that an order for two.

 

[mastereagle22]

Mr. S

We are currently awaiting approval from the Federal Nuclear Regulatory Committee and several other government organizations (some of which don't officially exist) to allow us to sell the B.A.D. V 1.0. There are some concerns over the 1.21 Gigawatt power output of the spherical zero point energy unit we utilized when powering the detector.

We can assure you that although our detector is slightly on the large size compared to other machines, the utilization of "space-age" light materials ensures that even a person of small stature will be able to use our machine.

The development team felt they needed testers/testees that would not be missed in the event of a catastrophic containment field failure and after a long and arduous process settled on the Swampeast Relic Recovery Team. We are happy to announce that neither Baldingboy or Mastereagle were injured in the testing phase, (much).

As for the modifications you requested I regret that at this time making any modifications might result in our application for approval and patents being rejected. However; we will make note of your request and will incorporate them into the next B.A.D. which we intend to label as Number 2.

As for the Proctopointer you may feel free to send the design specs to Gluteus Maximus Industries and we will do everything we can to ensure that your tech and ours works together flawlessly.

Sincerely A. L. Ien, VP of Marketing and Development, Gluteus Maximus Ind.

 

[Burdie]

I just wish I had the digger back. I know that machine will be a babe magnet for sure. Thanks for choosing our hunt to display it. It increased our membership +.0001% CTH2 (dog) CT for short. You can sure tell that your company has the psych ward mentality to go one step farther than most companies (idiots).

Thanks again.
Burdie

 

[mastereagle22]

Not sure that was a compliment or an insult.

 

[Burdie]

Not sure that was a compliment or an insult.

Yea I read it again and it was not funny at all like it was suppose to be. I thought the machine was fantastic my friend. I just have Pi$$ poor humor. Thank you for bringing it.

Burdie

 

[mastereagle22]

bURDIe

Relax man I was just pulling your chain!!!

I knew what you were aiming at. I am not one to take offense easily. 8) 8) It's all cool!

 

[Cynangyl]

So THAT is how we got CT to show up eh?? and it would also explain why CT was not seen on Sunday!! ROFL It was definitely a hoot! You guys are the greatest!

 

[mastereagle22]

Mr. S

Thank you for your interest in the B.A.D. V 1.0. Some "representatives" from our company will be by to see you soon. You will know them by their black Suburbans, Black Helicopters and they will look a lot like this....

 

[texan connection]

When you Recover your detected Target it does it come out of the ground Hot?
Is a radiation suit neccesary when operating the unit?
Does it Leave a radiation trail for easy Gridding or does it just burn everything under the coil?
I hope to se a test run soon.

 

[mastereagle22]

It comes with a lead suit.

 

[Cynangyl]

I was very impressed with your demo product at the recent hunt in Caldwell. I did consider ordering at least one but then realized I was overstocked terribly regarding gluteous Maximus so I regret to inform you I will be unable to use your product. Best of luck in your future ventures!

 

[stoney56]

I was wondering, I didn't see the focusing beam selector switch. Does it do a generalized beam out or can you narrow the focus on the target? I did see in the manual that F.O.P. members wearing red shirts should not operate it even with lead suits.

 

[Mental Granny]

So let me see, CT was the subject of the trial run and that was why she was not to be found on Sunday as well as said manafactors of the new device either.

 

[texan connection]

I was very impressed with your demo product at the recent hunt in Caldwell. I did consider ordering at least one but then realized I was overstocked terribly regarding gluteous Maximus so I regret to inform you I will be unable to use your product. Best of luck in your future ventures!

Id dare to coment here but Know better, That was Funny CYN.
I was thinking of buying one also but the things taller than I am

 

[Cynangyl]

lol taller than me as well! That thing was enormous!

 

[Gypsy Heart]

I did purchase a customized one....it came with four tires and a steering wheel....I was told that it would not beep near pull tabs or rust ....... .but It seems to be malfunctioning as it will only drive to the local casino and only beeps when it sees a full six pack

 

[Mental Granny]

Sounds to me more like a tech data input problem at the manafactors end! Nothing at your end!

 

[Gypsy Heart]

Sounds to me more like a tech data input problem at the manafactors end! Nothing at your end!

Just got a phone call from the Boys in Black....There was a mix up ....evidently I got Schloopy's and Ridge-Runners machine.......

 

[Mental Granny]

That explains it or it had to be the private DEMO model which you got by mistake!