Bigfoot redeux

Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
18
BRITISH BABY NESSIE WASHES UP ON SHORE

http://farshores.org/c05mon2.htm

PARTON residents are baffled by what has been described as a ?mini Loch Ness Monster? washed up on their beach.

Joan Singleton, from Firth View was strolling on the foreshore near to where Lowca Beck flows out to sea when she came upon the ?monster?.

She alerted friends, saying she had never seen anything like it.

Jack Southam, skipper of the Whitehaven sea angling charterboat Riptide, said on seeing a photograph of it: ?I have never seen anything like this in all my years at sea.?

Another Parton resident told The Whitehaven News: ?It seems to have a seal?s body, the tail of a whale, fins on top and sides, but also claws and really sharp teeth.?

Do you have any clues what this peculiar beastie might be? Call our newsdesk on (01946) 595136.
 

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Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
18
WINGED CAT

http://farshores.org/c04hcat.htm
A winged cat has been killed by villagers near the Central Russian city of Kursk. The locals drowned the deformed puss after believing it was a messenger of Satan, the Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper reports.
On entering her yard, Nadezhda Medvedeva saw how a stray cat stood up and, just like a chicken, stretched out two wings. She said that at that moment her hair stood on end. The locals had no doubt the unlucky cat was a messenger of the devil, the Vlasti.net website writes.
Where the cat came from and why it appeared in the village of Bukreyevk nobody knows. Nadezhda Medvedeva, whose home is located on the edge of the village, said she initially heard a soft meowing.
?We poured some milk into a bowl,? Medvedeva recounted. ?A tom cat came out ? ginger, huge, twice as big as normal. He drank greedily and started meowing again?asking for more. We started feeding him. After a couple of days my daughter came running in all scared and whispered: ?Mom, come and look at the cat! He?s got wings!??

Nadezhda Medvedeva went out and saw how the cat slowly moved its wings exactly as a chicken would. The woman immediately came to the conclusion that the cat was sinister, ?just like a sort of devil?.

The daughter, having already named the cat Vaska, claimed he was affectionate and had obviously been a pet.

The rumor of the winged cat soon reached Kursk, but by the time a correspondent got wind of it the cat had already been killed by a local drunk, who drowned the unique feline. A sack with the animal?s body was recovered later from a pond near the Medvedev?s home. Despite the fact decomposition had already set in, the correspondent form the local Komsomol newspaper confirmed the cat did actually have wings.
 

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Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
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GOVT LIARS, COVER UP EVIDENCE?

http://farshores.org/abcoz18.htm

Original headline: Twist in the tale of big cat )

VICTORIA's big cat mystery has taken a new twist, with claims that officials bungled investigations into reported sightings.

Big cat researcher Mike Williams accused the State Government of dismissing strong evidence of large feline predators on the loose. Mr Williams - who is still waiting on the results of DNA tests on the tail of a large cat shot in Gippsland in June - said experts used by the Department of Sustainability and Environment to test samples from cats had got it wrong in the past.

Mr Williams claims he sent hair and faeces samples from a leopard, obtained from a private zoo, to three government-sanctioned experts.

He said he decided to test the experts' abilities to recognise big cats because he believed authorities were ignoring strong evidence of their existence in the wild.

Mr Williams said two experts who analysed the faeces samples reported they came from a dog, while a third expert, who examined the hair, said it came from a domestic cat.
 

Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
18
http://farshores.org/c04bfbc1.htm

This report starts in mid October 2001. While in the Canadian Tire parking lot, Dan, a long time acquaintance came up to me and started telling me about three Sasquatch that had been hanging around his property the whole summer the pervious year (2000). when I asked him why he waited a whole year to tell me this, he said that he didn't know who to contact. It was only when his grandchildren saw my name on the web did he learn of my interest in the Sasquatch. Arrangements were made to visit him at his home to get more details.

Dan's house is the last one on the left-hand side of the road. Behind the lot and running back along the street for three quarters of a mile is a large area of undeveloped crown and park land. Behind the houses there is also a natural gas pipeline and the clearing for it is called the Pipeline Road. During the recession of the early 1980's a make work program, the heavy brush and scrub trees were removed and the area thinned out. A number of access trails were made by cutting the trees close to the ground. This area is well used by dirt motorcycles, mountain bikes, horse riders and hikers.


It is in this area, surrounded by houses and buildings that the Sasquatch were for the whole summer.

In early May 2000, Dan's seventeen year old granddaughter accompanied by a large sized dog was walking along Pipeline Road. About 150 feet past Dan's house, towards the hill was a flat area on top. Their dog suddenly pressed against the granddaughter's legs and stopped her. The granddaughter wondering why the dog was acting so strangely, she saw about 250 feet ahead of her, three hairy men crossing the road from the park to the brush on the other side. Two were brown and one was white.

Dan knew what these hairy men were.

Not long after this, Dan decided to take a horseback ride in the park. The horse refused to leave the Pipeline Road and enter the park and it was this way all summer. Also noted was all the dogs in the neighborhood were barking much more than usual.

Several times during the summer Dan walked through the area looking for signs of these creatures. All that was found were places on the moss that had a very strong unpleasant odor where the Sasquatch had apparently bedded down. It was also noted that all the wild berries had disappeared and no bear droppings were seen. A number of times his horse and the neighbors dogs were acting up and nothing could be seen to cause this at night.

During the summer, once he hung out an old work jacket on a high fence post that was on the bush side of his yard which he soon forgot about. When he finally thought about it and went to retrieve it several days later it was stinking strongly of urine and had to be washed. Apparently this is what the Sasquatch think of us humans.

Also during the summer a large tree came down across Pipeline Road and Dan cut it up for firewood. It was wheel barrowed in as it was needed. In mid October around 7:30 p.m. he went for another load of wood. With him was a Husky breed of dog that he was looking after. When he was heading out he noticed a group of kids on the road and they were taking their time in going home as it was getting dark.

When Dan reached the firewood which was at the location where the granddaughter was when she saw the hairy men. The dog was some distance further down the road investigating the roadside. Just as the first piece of wood landed in the wheelbarrow a loud scream came out of the bus across the Pipeline Road from the parkland and where the dog was sniffing around. The dog was paralyzed and didn't know what to do, but came to Dan when he was called.

He could also hear the voices of the concerned kids on the Road. The wheelbarrow was loaded and they started back. As they neared the fence of his property line there was another loud scream from the bush on the same side of the road which made the dog whimper with fear. The kids who were on the road had heard enough. From their scared voices and running feet it was obvious that they were clearing out.

Meantime, Dan was trying to calm the dog and at the same time talk to the creatures in the bush with a soothing voice that meant no harm. By now it was too dark to see any thing in the bush, but there were more screams. What he did was a number of "ough,ough,ough and some chatter which gradually moved away. It appears that there were at least two at this spot. It is my feeling that the screaming was at the dog for being so close and not at Dan.

A few days later, Dan began to make the sounds that he had heard and all the dogs within hearing distance would start barking. By mid November the dogs would no longer bark so franticly, so Dan tired his horse again. This time it went into the park. The dogs and horse knew that the Sasquatch were around even if the people didn't. Even with heavy use, these creatures despite their huge size managed to stay out of sight for the most part.

This is the next report on the Sasquatch. On the previous report Dan had first told me that in mid October 2001 what had happened the previous year (2000). Dan was rather hard to get a hold of at his home. Being retired and a widower, plus living alone he likes to spend a lot of time shooting the bull at the local watering hole. because of this the final details were not obtained until November 24, 2001.

During the summer of 2001 there were no signs of Sasquatch in the park area. When mushroom picking season arrived, the park area became rather crowded so he went up Terrace Mountain. he also took his dog with him. while he was looking for mushrooms the dog was doing his own exploring. Dan's dog started a howling session so Dan went to investigate. When he arrived to where his dog was he saw about a 4x6 foot flat rock, on the rock were three big piles of strange looking scat. (animal droppings) Dan knew there weren't from a bear. Also his dog has never showed the slightest interest in bear droppings before. However the dog went owly over these scats. They were not touched but Dan kept a lookout for the creature after that. He has been up the mountain recently and found that recent heavy rains had washed two of them away. One was under an evergreen tree and was still intact. Also he had found three large footprints that has a six foot stride across a slide area. Dan approached Mike to see if he was interested in seeing this and would take him up on the mountain to have a look. Of course Mike was interested in seeing the scat as he felt it could not be faked. The only problems was that Mike is 83 years old and has arthritis in his left knee. Dan felt that Mike could make it by using his cane, so the next day, November 25, 2001 we went up to retrieve the scat, taking along an ice cream bucket and some plastic to pick it up.

Above: Scat picked up November 24, 2002. Weight was one pound, four ounces.
It all was as Dan had described it. There were only stains on the rock where the two other scats had washed down the sides. The base of the rock was checked and there was nothing there. I'm looking around and wondering what attracted the creature to this spot so often as there was no food here. Dan had already figured it out. This rock was in the center of a now discontinued power line right of way. a hundred yards below was a good view of a nature hiking trail. Below that was a busy road with a bridge across the Skeena River. It was the ideal place to do some people watching.

The scat was put in the pail and it was off to look at the tracks, there were three in an almost straight line across a narrow shale slide area. The footprints were just oblong depressions, four inches deep and about six feet apart. Dan is 6 ft 2 and weighs 280 pounds and left no visible footprints on the slide area, even just below the Sasquatch tracks. From this observation how much would a 10 foot tall Sasquatch weigh?

The scat weighed one and a quarter pounds. It was loaded with plum stones as if the creature had raided someone's orchard. About 1000 feet away on a bench was a sizeable housing area. Another member who drives a taxi counted nine plum trees in that area. Even though word had gone around that something was in the area .. nobody had reported seeing anything like this creature. During the summer of 2003, full reports were sent to the Washington State University, Oregon Field Guide and a B.C. Anthropologist. None replied even though they regularly appear on TV documentaries. A check was also made to the B.C. government and they have no testing facility for this type of work. And could offer no more help.

The plum stones that the Sasquatch ate are sharp and rough and are in the faeces. There is some headway being made to prove scientifically that the Sasquatch exists. In the meantime the scat was allowed to dry out and is now one third of its original size.

After we had picked up the Sasquatch scat, Dan told me of an incident that took place at the home of a long-time mutual acquaintance. Due to the circumstances involved his name can't be given so we'll call him Jim. When I arrived at his home, Jim had been expecting me to drop by. The incident in question took place in summer around 1980. As with most people of that time he really didn't believe in wild people living in the woods.

One night about two a.m. he was awakened by some noise outside his bedroom window. There, silhouetted by the street lights, was a large human like figure that filled much of the five feet long and 3 feet high window. He thought that it was standing on a ladder because its head was near the top of the window which was 10 feet off the ground. Huge hands were on the window sill. The creature that he believed didn't exist .. was here at his bedroom window.

Thinking that the creature was trying to break in and fearing for his life, he hurried to the closet where he had a double barrelled shotgun and a box of shells. Quickly loading the gun he went back to the window. There at point blank range he raised his shotgun to the center of the forehead and let go with both barrels. One after the other right through the glass. He then rushed to the shattered window to see the results of his marksmanship. To his disbelief he sees a huge human-like figure high tailing it down the driveway to the road. At the speed it was going nothing on legs would have caught it. It would have been foolhardy to go outside in the dark, so the gun was reloaded and he went back to bed. In the morning there were huge footprints under the window but not a drop of blood could be found. The next question asked was about the color of the fur and he said it was white. The last question was if this had been reported to the police. His answer was that the police would never have believed him. There was no body, no blood, and the footprints could be fakes.

He would have probably been charged with dangerous use of a firearm in a residential area. The houses across the street were peppered with bird shot. However enough velocity was lost so no windows were broken. No damage was noticed. And no reports were made to the police.

It is safer to talk about it now as there is less skepticism that the Sasquatch exists. So what happened here ???? We can surmise that the creature saw movement in the room and decided to exit in a hurry. It moved just far enough aside for the hail of pellets to miss its head and ended up with a good scare and badly ringing ears.

There were no more reports of a Sasquatch peeking into any house windows. However, in my talking to loggers, there was mention of a Sasquatch doing similar things on the Queen Charlotte islands. This gives our local report some validity.

Another report came in from a logging crew. While on a logging site they saw at a distance, a human form. They were sure that what they were seeing was not a human.

I would like to request if anyone has been witness to a Sasquatch/Bigfoot I would really like to hear the story. Thank you, Brian Vike - HBCC UFO Research


FS thanks to Brian Vike
Director HBCC UFO Research
Home - Phone 250 845 2189
email: [email protected]
Website: http://www.hbccufo.com
Redirect: http://www.brianvike.com
 

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Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
18
SCATALOGICAL EVIDENCE

They say that seeing is believing. However, to the extent that that statement is true, the reverse is also true, believing is seeing, and to the same degree. It has yet to be proven scientifically that believing can produce physical substance, but the concept has many adherents and proponents. We don't know everything yet, and never will. We don't find the answer to a question, we merely find the next question.

Is this twilight zone the physical world? Mental world? Next world? A combination of one or more, with other unknowns a part of it, none of it, or all of it? ad infinitum...

Damnant quod non intellegunt?
 

OP
OP
carajou

carajou

Jr. Member
Jan 9, 2005
55
29
Murfreesboro, TN
With regard to the pic of the supposed baby Nessie in the post above, it was found in an area with direct access to the sea.

My speculation is that it could have been the rotting carcass of a basking shark, which is found in those latitudes. The shark rots away first in it's lower body area; the jaws and surrounding tissue drop away; the belly drops away; part of the tail disappears; until there is this long-necked, big flippered thing that does look like a pleisiosaur at first glance.
 

JT

Full Member
Mar 14, 2005
202
52
Johns Island, South Carolina
So, lets look at the evidence posted above.

One fuzzy picture of a hunk of rotting something. The skull is gone, but someone thinks that what's left of the head is crocodilian in nature. One rational person says it looks like an elephant seal. Naturally, there is only one fuzzy picture. You ever notice that it's always like that?

What ever happened to the "mini nessie"? Again, one fuzzy, out of focus picture. Folks, most cameras are basically foolproof. You aim, hit a button, and take more than one shot. Did they let this little monster float out on the next tide, or did someone have the foresight to pick it up? It's not too big....about the length of six beer cans(wow, what a coincidence). My guess is, if you look around some souvenier shops in the area, you can probably find a rubber kids toy that looks remarkably like that six-pack sized maneater.

Chupacabra? The pictures show a mangy, malnourished dog. Testing was underway in Oct. 2004. This is Nov. 2005. Big surprise... one year later, it's still a mangy, malnourished dog.

Cats with wings... the family gave the cat milk, and didn't notice for several days that the cat had "wings". Again, one fuzzy, out of focus picture. Surprise.... the cat was killed by a drunk, sunk into a lake, and not recovered until decomposition had set in. Sounds like the town drunk wasn't the only one hitting the vodka. If the cat had a mutation, just keep repeating the word "Chernobyl". That explains everything.

The big cat... how do you shoot a big cat, and only have a tail to send for DNA research? Sounds like we're entering familiar territory again. So three experts alledgedly misidentify samples alledgedly procured from a leopard. Wow, another conspiracy by the 'gubmint. How do we know that the samples sent were true samples? How do we know that the "experts" are, indeed, experts? Have samples been sent to other independant experts to check their conclusions? It would be pretty simple to do. Not doing it is shoddy reporting, and a lack of followup, all for the sake of someone getting an answer that they want. Again, a hallmark of pretty much all "conspiracy theories". If these three guys alledgedly misidentify samples, what does that say for the veracity of one guy that looks at some monkey hair and gives the answer the right person wants?

Three sasquatch spend a whole summer vacation (three months) hanging around a guy's house. No pictures, no footprint casts, no carcass, nothing. A man's jacket gets peed on. The owner of the jacket, not coincidentally, spends most of his time in a bar. Summer of 2001, he finds "Bigfoot poop". Somehow or another, this poop stays intact until over a year later, when in Nov. 2002, this poop still weighs 1 1/4 pounds. Pretty substantial poop to make it through winter, spring, summer, fall, rain, snow, wind....you get the idea.

Another guy fires both barrels of a double barrel shotgun point at point blank range into a 10 foot tall, white, hairy beast, blowing out his window, but only hit the houses across the street. No blood, no hair, no body, not even 1 1/4 lbs. of Bigfoot poop left by the creature when he was shot at. Heck, if someone shot at me at point blank range, and missed, I think I'd leave at least a pound of poop.

Nope, not a lot of credibility to any of this. Move along, nothing to see here.
 

cybercop106

Hero Member
Sep 26, 2005
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Back in the MO Ozarks
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Well I've been shot with a 12 ga at point blank range, however, your butt puckers so tight it eliminates the 'poop factor', JT. There was plenty of blood and flesh to analyze tho. I wish they would have missed, even if it did cost me a pound of poop.
Maybe Sasquatch droppings are so substantial because of the cellulose in their diet?! I mean, they generally aren't credited with eating people are they, so they must be herbivores or omnivores?! ;D
 

Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
18
A voice of reason and experience, thank you Cybercop. BTW, arrangements are being made at this moment to obtain a sample of this alleged scat for analysis at a major US University.
 

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carajou

carajou

Jr. Member
Jan 9, 2005
55
29
Murfreesboro, TN
Here's what should happen:

Very "cerieeous" adventurers should pack their elephant guns and head out west towards the California/Oregon border. They should also bring with them the following:

Plaster, for all those footie prints.
A comb, for the hair samples.
A good bottle of fast-acting laxative, for spiking the water supply.
A can of flourecent orange spray paint for Bigfoot's butt.
A video camera to record it all.

The hope is that the carcass will be dropped at some idiot scientist's front door, but for those who want to keep the thing alive, my suggestion is to go into the woods, play some Barry Manilow records, have the scent of over-ripe bananas waft through the leaves, and maybe Mr. and Mrs Sasquatch will drop by, leave a few samples in the latrine, share some drinks, and we'd all sit by the campfire trading baseball cards and singing "cumbaya".

Come on people! Nobody is going to get very far with Bigfoot if all they collect is a shed full of plaster tracks, a few hair samples, and a pile of s**t! Are we any closer to getting one since Patterson filmed that damn thing nearly forty years ago? No! Either get real or give up!

::)
 

JT

Full Member
Mar 14, 2005
202
52
Johns Island, South Carolina
Badger Bart, if a pile of Bigfoot poo can sit virtually unchanged over the course of 1 year 3months, exposed on a rock, getting rained on, getting snowed on, through the cold of winter and the warmth of summer, all because of a high cellulose diet, then your belief would mean that the entire Dark Continent of Africa would have to be neck deep in elephant poo, giraffe poo, and rhino poo.

Come on, use some critical thinking. Three years after this "mystery poo" was scooped into the ice cream bucket, and arrangements are just now being made to analyze the poo at a "major US University"? Which one? Duke? It seems that "The Dookies" would be eminently qualified to examine the sample and say, "Yep, it's poop". :D
Where's the poo been for the last three years? What flovor ice cream container was it put in? Moose Tracks, or Rocky Road?

This is why skeptics scoff at these kind of claims...they make absolutely no sense, and defy credibility.
 

Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
18
I posted someone else's story, and injected no belief of my own into the matter. If the scat exists today, I will find out, which I am in the process of doing. Just because a story doesn't fit every notion everyone has, or answer every question, doesn't mean it has no value. 'Pooh- poohing' the whole idea just doesn't cut it for me. People here have used the term 'put up or shut up', and this is how you put up. When it's all said and done, it's what's done that counts.

I have emailed the author of the piece, and he has responded. His response is encouraging to me, because he is willing to call "Scatman" to see if it is still in his freezer. If it is, some of it WILL be going for testing. One step at a time. If it falls through, we are back to square one. If not, we will see what the tests have to say. A lot of things could happen along the way, we could run into someone else who claims to have some physical evidence, who knows? Below is the email he sent.

Howdy Bart

Thank you for writing, yes I do have a report which is from Terrace B.C. on the possible Sasquatch scat. I don't myself have or for that matter ever had a sample of the stuff. Larry, when he and another man gathered it up placed it into a plastic bag and stuck it into their deep freeze. To be honest, I would not have wanted it anywhere near my frozen food. -:)) But anyway, I can check to see if he still has it and if so I can request he send a sample to you which I am sure he would. He was trying to find someone to have it tested. So let me know what you want me to do, Larry is an older chap and does not have a computer, but I can phone him.

Take care
Brian


----- Original Message -----
From: bartson
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, November 11, 2005 1:58 PM
Subject: BIGFOOT SCAT TEST OFFER
 

JT

Full Member
Mar 14, 2005
202
52
Johns Island, South Carolina
Again, nothing personal, Badger, but this is why these people have absolutely zero credibility. I want to believe. But when I read that (1) the author was there researching for the article in 2002, (2) they recovered 1 1/4 lbs. of poo that had sat somehow undisturbed, exposed to the elements on a flat rock on the side of a mountain for 1 year and 3 months, (3) he wrote the article in 2004, and (4) when reminded of the poo in 2005, he says he'll try to get ahold of the old drunk guy and see if he happens to have it still in the freezer, it's the kind of thing that makes you want to shake your head.

The guy has a website, and investigates UFO's, little green men, bigfoot, the Boogieman, government conspiricies, and any other paranormal thing you could think of. He's in contact with other, like-minded researchers. He knows the location of over a pound of alleged Bigfoot poop for 3 years, and apparently forgets about it, until you reminded him. Do you see something wrong with that?

This is probably going to play out like all the other conspiracy theories people talk about. Lets see........The guys freezer broke, he mistook the poo for sloppy joe fixins, it got in the way of his corn, it was stolen by aliens, whatever. The poo will be gone. Once again, no evidence.

The "Scatman" needs to poo or get off the pot.

When you want to believe something, it's crackpots like these that make you a skeptic. It's too easy to shoot down. At least they could put a little effort into it, and make it interesting.
 

Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
18
I understand fully what you are saying, it is the status quo. I'm not satisfied with the status quo, if I can help to change it, I will do what I can. The fat lady hasn't sung yet. When she does, I'll let you know.

Do you recall the last guy here that said they are real and repeated a story of someone who told him he had shot one? I told him to go find the bones. Haven't heard from him since, but then maybe he's still looking. ;) My belief, your belief, his belief, isn't going to change anything. Nor disbelief, for that matter. The least I can do is give Scatman a chance to respond. Like the last guy, he gets his chance to put up or shut up, but he gets a chance.

I hate to put crap into such a context, but it is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all. If something comes of it, I'll be a crap lover!
 

JT

Full Member
Mar 14, 2005
202
52
Johns Island, South Carolina
Fair enough. I hope his evidence is real....like I said, I'd like to believe. There are just so many crackpots that come up with the same tired excuses of why they don't have absolute proof.
 

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carajou

carajou

Jr. Member
Jan 9, 2005
55
29
Murfreesboro, TN
Here's something that could amount to a successful search for a Bigfoot which could come to a happy, or unhappy conclusion, depending which side you're on. And this one should be very easy to find and uncover.

Find the owners of the so-called "Minnesota Iceman" and publicaly charge them with fraud.

For the uninitiated, the "Iceman" surfaced in the late 1960s, supposedly a dead Bigfoot encased in a block of ice. I saw the thing while it was on display in the center of Fashion Square Mall, Saginaw, Michigan, in February 1981. Surrounding it were the typical placards establishing authenticity, standard cliches as to what it was, and a curious little sign that said if was made of wax, it would disintegrate while in the ice. Now why would they do that? I asked that same question myself when I stood there, then I said wax may disintegrate when frozen, but latex rubber does not. The an artical in Omni Magazine two years later describe how the "Iceman" was made by ex-makeup artists from Disney.

So, back to the fraud thing. Obviously, it could get me sued for slander and libel for saying it. Imagine that. But I know, and the "Iceman's" owners know, that it will never happen. They cannot afford to allow their little fake item to thaw out in a court room for all to see, can they?
 

Badger Bart

Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2005
301
18
We're having a bit of a difficulty with the fact that organic matter is passing through customs, and may be rejected, confiscated, and destroyed. Or worse. It is a serious matter, despite the suggestions I have made to them below. Has anyone ever done anything along this line before, shipping or receiving organic matter from Canada? Any suggestions? With bird flu all the rage from the east, I guess I can see why, but I'd sure hate to miss an opportunity like this.

CAN HE CALL IT PONDERINGS? DEEP THOUGHTS? ENIGMATIC QUANDARY? PASSED PITS? P-SSED PATS? A GRUDGING GRUNT? A SMOOTH MOVE? a toolerary truffle? past prime patty? Hey, I know, FRUITCAKE! Nobody knows what's in them anyway, and there was only one ever made, every one that has been made since is recycled from the original.
 

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