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"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client. "What's the bad news?" The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene." "Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?" "Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."

This is a frightening statistic: 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That is scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about...

"I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the vicar replied. "It’s not a reflection on you, Father" insisted the church goer. "Carl has been walking in...

I called a suicide prevention line. It connected me to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I felt suicidal and they asked if I could drive a truck.

Thank you friend

It’s been a rough day today. My baby Doxie delivered her 2 puppies. The first a beautiful Black and Tan we named Maisy was still born. My wife and I tried CPR and I would try to rescue breathe for her........ didn’t make it. Second a beautiful Black and Tan male.......so far so good. The mother...

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed...

A husband takes his wife dancing. They notice a guy on the dance floor living large, break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

Went to the Doggie Vet today. My baby Dachshund is going to have 2 puppies!!!!!! Of course my phone died before I saw her X-ray!!!!!!

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker...

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as...

Happy Fathers Day to all you Fathers out there. And if you’re not a Poppa, Happy Fathers Day to you too! Looks like I’m going to be a Poppa again! About August last year, I got a new Dachshund male, because our female Pitbull passed away and our female miniature Dachshund about lost her mind. So...

I miss the crew........

That must be Johnny........The lord is calling the good ones home. RIP Johnny How far? All the way sir........ and then some!

Oh my...... God Bless you and your family “Troop” He knows what that means.........