Bang, bang bang !

T

The.Boomer

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When I first joined the Army, enlistment was way up. so supplies were way down. After having been out for a Dr. appointment I joined my Co. late that morning during basic training. We were currently involved in a war game with a different battalion so you can imagine the cluster of greenies running about without a clue along with DIs yelling instructions laced with profanity. I, as I said, was unfortunate enough to have made a late appearance which hadn't gone unnoticed from my very own personal DI, one SSGT Savage (That's his real name no kidding), so any way, upon seeing me the SGT began to berate me about getting my Field gear on and getting back to him for further instructions. All went well until I went to get my M16-A2 personal assault utilitarian killing device. No rifles left the spec 4 Armorer said as he repeated himself for the third time to my disbelieving ears. Walking back to inform my personal DI SSGT Savage my mind was running laps. How would the Sgt respond to this news ? Would he be angry with me ? The Spec 4 Armorer ? Maybe he'd let me out of playing war and give me some cushy desk job or something... Well no, upon hearing the Armorer was fresh out of weapons the Sgt without skipping a beat said wait here private. He then marched right into the battalion headquarters where he retrieved a broom. Marching directly up to face me he promptly and unceremoniously broke the handle off over his knee and handed me the remaining stick. Here, private he growled, just point and say bang. He then pointed to the Humvee waiting to take me to the front lines of our make believe war. Upon arrival I was told by our platoon leader to dig in at this one particular spot as we were waiting to ambush a troop of reds as we were the blues complete with colorful arm bands. Silently I waited trying to desperately cover my broom stick personal assault utilitarian killing device with natural camouflage. Then it happened, the quiet of the morning was interupted by the whistle of our valiant platoon leader who was instantly cut down in the prime of his life. Shouts with gun fire erupted over the entire hillside where a panorama of battle began to emerge through clouds of smoke. Planes buzzed the opposite hillside with a resounding thud as bombs were dropped and explosions began as mortars tanks and artillery cut lose with their melody of death. To quote one of my favorite movie lines I love the smell of Napalm in the morning. It was just about at this moment that I lost all control of my normally good and true senses as I charged from my fox hole shouting bang bang bang all the while pointing my death dealing broom stick at all those ugly unrepentant reds who'd killed my best buddy in the last battle. Obviously I was in a state of battle induced delirium. Could war get any funner ? All the whiz bang of the real thing with hopefully non of the deaths. What's even funner, I realized, was the fact that what I now possessed was a weapon beyond compare, with an accuracy rate that far exceeded that of my other M16-A2 personal assault utilitarian killing device could ever muster at the targeting range. It was as if that Grizzled old SSGT Savage had infused it with his own death dealing spirit. I'd simply point it at any soldier and shout bang and the poor soul was lost to some mother in a far away land. I began to get really good and even started switching it over to auto, ever minful of ammo replenishment, Ratta tat tat, rat a tat tat,ferget about the fact I must have been carrying about ten thousand imaginary rounds to fuel my Broom stick personal assault utilitarian killing device. Now even the judges who stood close buy wearing their white arm bands began to see me as an Audy Murphy character, ruling entire machine gun nests dead, after I had prevailed upon them with death from above, (I'd climbed a tree). It was not long after this heroic action( if I do say so myself) that I gave my life for my blue country. I spied some distance down this pathway a boy who was obviously a reject from the Shirley Temple platoon. Weighing in at what must have easily been 300 pounds if he was an ounce. I turned pointed and let out a crisp clear shot with the characteristic head adjustment of Danny Glover in Lethal Weapons 1,2,3 and 4
Bang......Nothin, the boy turned toward me, saw me and my bright blue arm band and and as if checking to make sure he checked his own blood red arm band and made up his mind that I was indeed the enemy. Slowly I could see his face and neck turn a matching color of red as he headed towards me at an ever increasing pace. Bang I shouted, Bang Bang. Turning towards the judges as if pleading for a ruling that I had indeed killed this reject from the infantry school of hard knocks, all I received was a downcast head nod in the negative. Quickly this behemoth gained in speed and size, I was now sure this son of the south was easily over seven feet tall. With fumbling fingers I quickly found the switch on my Broom stick personal assault utilitarian killing devices to turn it to full auto. With a quick check to make sure the judge (who I was by now quite convinced I'd seen him wearing coke bottle glasses around the base before) was watching as I dropped this charging rhino. I brough my death dealing broom stick to bare, waist high and with a resoundingly loud at the stadium shout I screamed Rat atatatatatatatat..........Nuthin







I remember now hearing that boy as he approached me at what seemed to be speeding run away locomotive speed, and now finally realized what he was saying as he ran me over causing much pain and death as ruled by that blind judge. It was Tankity tank, tankity tank...... ;D
 
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T

The.Boomer

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Should I have posted this in Comedy Central ? :icon_scratch:
 

djabend

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Wow I did not see that coming ;D
Tanks for the laugh boomer!
HH,
Donny
 

mastereagle22

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;D :thumbsup:

Had a similar sort of experience. During our wargames, a buddy and I were storming a "machine gun nest" and just as I brought my "M16-A2 personal assault utilitarian killing device" as you called it up to fire a DI that was standing nearby decided to run directly in front of my M16 barrel for some strange reason. :icon_scratch:

Without thinking I swung my "M16-A2 personal assault utilitarian killing device" around and smartly struck the DI directly in the back of his helmeted head with the butt of said device. When he got up and figured out what had happened I was already a good ways off but the poor guy standing next to the DI ended up on the ground eating the DI's muddy boot. ::) My buddy and I laughed so hard we nearly wet ourselves! Now you can say what you want, maybe I was a bit of a coward but my momma didn't raise no fool! After all discretion is the better part of Valor isn't it?
 
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The.Boomer

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Hehehe Tanks, that's funny :D Glad you guys liked it. And Master eagle ain't no way in He!! I would have ever hit any of my DIs, they scared me. :o :P :D
 

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