Need some light hearted help.

[cyberdan]

I bought an item at auction. It was listed as free shipping. I get the bill and he tacked on $2.00 shipping. I told him it was free shipping and he says "it might have been his fault" and if I didn't want to pay extra I should just cancel. I am not going to get dinged for cancel so I told him I was not going to pay extra. So he cancels and I leave a negative feed back.

Turns out this seller is in russia and I think his messages are translated by ebay before I get them.

Now after all this he wants to ship free and for me to take back the negative. He is starting to bug me. (3rd message) He should have thought about all this before. I only bought one postcard.

I want to send him a message filled with gobbly gook and idioms that can't possibly be translated correctly and only someone who speaks English will realize the message is BS. But I want it to sound intelligent.

 

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[pat-tekker-cat]

Oh cyberdan,
you got nothing better to do today, than mess with the Russian Sasquatch?
I'd report him, put him on the list, ban him, and be done with him.
But, your idea does sound funny. Waiting for responses......

 

[ConceptualizedNetherlandr]

Tell him to go ahead and send it, do not agree to anything but say you still want to buy the item. Then after it arrives and he wants a feed back change report him for feedback extortion.

 

[mugsisme]

Dear seller,
Lately, I've been sick as a dog, so don't have a chip on your shoulder about this feedback issue. I mean, why did you jump the gun on this and cancel? I would love to have a penny for your thoughts about this. Then again, maybe they are worth an arm and a leg? I don't know. I guess I just want the best of both worlds. However, this may be a blessing in disguise, because it seems I bit off more than I can chew here. To play the devils advocate, don't put all your eggs into one basket. There is a method to my madness, so just take this all with a grain of salt. Seems like I went the whole nine yards here.
Take care,
buyer

I am procrastinating from wrapping my packages. I just googled idiom examples, and started throwing them in. It was actually fun trying to make them sorta fit. Then again, I wouldn't be caught dead sending this email. LOL. Couldn't resist, sorry.

 

[gunsil]

Personally I gotta think anyone who buys on ebay from Russia, China, Maylasia, etc. must be pretty desperate to buy something. These are the countries with the most faking, counterfeiting, and misrepresenting, I stay clear of them.

 

[cyberdan]

Dear seller,
Lately, I've been sick as a dog, so don't have a chip on your shoulder... Seems like I went the whole nine yards here.

HUH I don't get it.
But, i love it. Thanks. It is now in commie land.

Боюсь, что мне пора. До скорой встречи.

 

[mugsisme]

HUH I don't get it.
But, i love it. Thanks. It is now in commie land.

Боюсь, что мне пора. До скорой встречи.

That's the point. There is nothing to get Bwahaha. It was fun. Did he reply? Gotta look up your quote.

 

[Peyton Manning]

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[Chizzy]

Si Ivan, der dago.
Tousand busses inaro.
No Ivan, demis trux.
Summit cousin, summit dux...............