B
BigDan
Guest
After twenty years of marriage, the Husband is at the bottom of the steps putting his boots on for work. His wife is walking down the steps in her nightie, and the light catches it just right, revealing the body underneath. He frowns, and says, "You know, you just aren't the woman I married."
Her feelings hurt, she latches onto a thought, "Well then, if I'm not, we aren't married! I'm free! I'm free!"
She is so excited she skips out the front door and down the sidewalk practically singing, "I'm free! I'm free!"
The neighbor sees her and steps into the house, "Did you know your wife is skipping down the sidewalk in her nightie singing, "I'm free! I'm free!"
The husband replies, "Now that's the woman I married!"
On the other hand:
In a restaurant on a first date, the woman is obviously interested in how the evening might develop after the meal. She says to her date, "What if I was that steak you are eating?"
He replies, "I'd chew slowly and savor every bite as if it were the only steak I'd ever eat."
Satisfied with the answer, she asks, "And what if I were that baked potato you are eating?"
He answers, "I'd watch the butter melt over you and then take bite after bite of your deliciousness!"
When dessert arrives, she practically purrs, "If I were that apple pie?"
He says, "It would taste so good, I could never share it with anyone."
They are both very interested in each other, when the bill finally arrives she is feeling quite pleased with her flirting, and asks, "What do you think of me now?"
Her date takes one look at the bill and shouts, "Hooker!!!!!!"
Her feelings hurt, she latches onto a thought, "Well then, if I'm not, we aren't married! I'm free! I'm free!"
She is so excited she skips out the front door and down the sidewalk practically singing, "I'm free! I'm free!"
The neighbor sees her and steps into the house, "Did you know your wife is skipping down the sidewalk in her nightie singing, "I'm free! I'm free!"
The husband replies, "Now that's the woman I married!"
On the other hand:
In a restaurant on a first date, the woman is obviously interested in how the evening might develop after the meal. She says to her date, "What if I was that steak you are eating?"
He replies, "I'd chew slowly and savor every bite as if it were the only steak I'd ever eat."
Satisfied with the answer, she asks, "And what if I were that baked potato you are eating?"
He answers, "I'd watch the butter melt over you and then take bite after bite of your deliciousness!"
When dessert arrives, she practically purrs, "If I were that apple pie?"
He says, "It would taste so good, I could never share it with anyone."
They are both very interested in each other, when the bill finally arrives she is feeling quite pleased with her flirting, and asks, "What do you think of me now?"
Her date takes one look at the bill and shouts, "Hooker!!!!!!"
