Happy man

hammered

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I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.
 

S

stefen

Guest
A little side story...a high school friend of mine was dead asleep one Sunday morning when his mom started beating the hell out of him...

She yelled at him and said, 'You go out to the barn and get that nasty thing off of the car...NOW!

Apparently on his way home from a Saturday night date he flung a used condon out the window and it caught on the chrome trim of the family's 57 chevy... :laughing7:
 

truckinbutch

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stefen said:
A little side story...a high school friend of mine was dead asleep one Sunday morning when his mom started beating the hell out of him...

She yelled at him and said, 'You go out to the barn and get that nasty thing off of the car...NOW!

Apparently on his way home from a Saturday night date he flung a used condon out the window and it caught on the chrome trim of the family's 57 chevy... :laughing7:
Shoulda been the mouse in the corner when my Momma found a 3 pack of Trojans in the washing machine with one missing . She informed my father that he better have a talk with 'his' son .
The situation was downhill from there .
 

S

stefen

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Why!

Did you cop the rubbers from the old mans hidey place?

Betcha ya did. Yep.
 

truckinbutch

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stefen said:
Why!

Did you cop the rubbers from the old mans hidey place?

Betcha ya did. Yep.
Nope ! They were given to me by one of my Dad's best friends in hopes that I wouldn't become his 15yr old brother in law . I couldn't even purchase them legally at that age .
I was in tripple trouble (1) Illegal possesion (2) Failure to rat the adult that provided me with them (3)
The fact that one was missing from the pack .
The following year , ........
WAIT A MINUTE ! I'm hijacking someone else's thread . I'll play Paul Harvey on a new thread if you
wish to hear .
 

S

stefen

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;D
 

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hammered

hammered

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Keep it going guys, this is better than the joke ;D.

hammered
 

S

stefen

Guest
truckinbutch said:
stefen said:
Why!

Did you cop the rubbers from the old mans hidey place?

Betcha ya did. Yep.
Nope ! They were given to me by one of my Dad's best friends in hopes that I wouldn't become his 15yr old brother in law . I couldn't even purchase them legally at that age .
I was in tripple trouble (1) Illegal possesion (2) Failure to rat the adult that provided me with them (3)
The fact that one was missing from the pack .
The following year , ........
WAIT A MINUTE ! I'm hijacking someone else's thread . I'll play Paul Harvey on a new thread if you
wish to hear .

Didn't know it was called hi-jacking :laughing7:

Gotta get ahold of yur self boy :laughing9:
 

S

Smee

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truckinbutch said:
WAIT A MINUTE ! I'm hijacking someone else's thread

That's ok. We've got him outnumbered, and I don't see any cops around. :tongue3:
 

truckinbutch

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hammered said:
Keep it going guys, this is better than the joke ;D.

hammered
;D Following year I had a driver's license and a '60 Chev . Same girl and I parked on a remote
part of the farm on a warm August night to enjoy the evening and a few nips of everclear .
Neighbor saw the car lights go in and wink out .... Called my Dad , certain that there was a band of theives hitting the place . They agreed to come in from both ends of the road and 'roadblock the theives'.
It worked ! I emerged from under the blanket in the back seat just as my Dad recognised the car and
began raising HELL!
Locked doors and a belly full of 'Dutch Courage' , I told him to "Go home or get in line !"
That wasn't well received ........
Your Dad ever jerk you through a car window you forgot to roll up and kick your naked azz under a full August moon in a pasture field ?
Mine did .....
When he got home ; Mom asked him what he found out .......
"I think I found out where that missing rubber went last year ."
 

DigginThePast

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Dec 31, 2008
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truckinbutch said:
hammered said:
Keep it going guys, this is better than the joke ;D.

hammered
;D Following year I had a driver's license and a '60 Chev . Same girl and I parked on a remote
part of the farm on a warm August night to enjoy the evening and a few nips of everclear .
Neighbor saw the car lights go in and wink out .... Called my Dad , certain that there was a band of theives hitting the place . They agreed to come in from both ends of the road and 'roadblock the theives'.
It worked ! I emerged from under the blanket in the back seat just as my Dad recognised the car and
began raising HELL!
Locked doors and a belly full of 'Dutch Courage' , I told him to "Go home or get in line !"
That wasn't well received ........
Your Dad ever jerk you through a car window you forgot to roll up and kick your naked azz under a full August moon in a pasture field ?
Mine did .....
When he got home ; Mom asked him what he found out .......
"I think I found out where that missing rubber went last year ."

:o :o :laughing7: :laughing7: :laughing7:
 

S

stefen

Guest
:laughing7:
 

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stefen

Guest
That's why there is a little helmet...to keep his hand from slipping off and hitting hisself in the forehead...
 

GunFarce

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Nope ! They were given to me by one of my Dad's best friends in hopes that I wouldn't become his 15yr old brother in law . I couldn't even purchase them legally at that age .
I was in tripple trouble (1) Illegal possesion (2) Failure to rat the adult that provided me with them (3)
The fact that one was missing from the pack .
The following year , ........
WAIT A MINUTE ! I'm hijacking someone else's thread . I'll play Paul Harvey on a new thread if you
wish to hear .
[/quote]

It was illegal to have condoms at 15?????? Only in America Eh!
We used to buy them in the machines at gas stations.. The machines always had a little sign written on them that said "Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber".. But seriously ? Illegal?
 

truckinbutch

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GunFarce said:
Nope ! They were given to me by one of my Dad's best friends in hopes that I wouldn't become his 15yr old brother in law . I couldn't even purchase them legally at that age .
I was in tripple trouble (1) Illegal possesion (2) Failure to rat the adult that provided me with them (3)
The fact that one was missing from the pack .
The following year , ........
WAIT A MINUTE ! I'm hijacking someone else's thread . I'll play Paul Harvey on a new thread if you
wish to hear .

It was illegal to have condoms at 15?????? Only in America Eh!
We used to buy them in the machines at gas stations.. The machines always had a little sign written on them that said "Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber".. But seriously ? Illegal?

[/quote]There were signs on the machines in our gas stations stating "Minors are Forbidden to Purchase From This Machine ".
 

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