What do penny candy, bad movies have in common?

[spartacus53]

Absolutely nothing... That is until I take all of Dano's earlier suggestions from another post and combine them into one, right here!!!! In order to keep a better flow, I have remove 2 other ideas from the mess to make this work. But flow it shall....

Bad movies: Are they really that bad? These are movies that you love to hate, or just plain old hate loving them. You can surely think of a title with no problem, but this post is not about naming a movie, rather everything else involved in it.. You have little idea how much work goes into making a bad movie.

I have to consider myself as a guide today and I'm about to show you how to identify these movies. Trust me, no one likes really avoiding a bad movie because it gives you so much more to talk about. We'll start by breaking a movie down, from title, to plot, cast, direction, etc.... The following will teach you how to quickly identify and spot these little gems in a heartbeat.

Title: This is a key element and will speak volumes of the movie
1- Amount of words in the title... The more words, the worse the movie in most cases. Look for a title that has a minimum of 5 words example "Plan 9 From Outer Space" see 5 words and a bad movie. Now take "The Attack of The Killer Tomatoes" 6 words and even a worse movie. May I suggest just looking for movies with over 6 words in the title and you have a sure winner. Once a title hits 10 words, you have already read the book, so you can skip the movie.
2- title content... Look for key words in the title like, tomato,
Misspelled words.. Clownz, Boyz any word with a Z at the end
Made up Words: Jumanji, Zardoz note: Zardoz fits 2 descriptions

Cover
1- some kids doodling
2- 1/2 cartoon and 1/2 real
3- just the title... too many words
4- a large group of people fleeing some kind of monster
5- anything that has a majority of the cast on the cover, even if they are playing 2 roles
6- anything containing your house, or neighborhood in it

Cast:
1- No one you ever saw before
2- You and perhaps some neighbors
3- Students from High School, or college
4- and my personal favorite..... the homeless

Plot: simple anything with the following keywords
invasion, plot, plan, thriller etc....

Description:
1- Sit on the edge of your seat
2- have to close your eyes - always wondered why.. I think I would miss the movie
3- Just like (insert title) usually another bad movie
4- Don't give away the surprise ending... I just love that one, so don't get me started

Location... yup, just like buying a house - location, location, location
1- A ghetto, or ghost town
2- A vacant lot
3- Anything outside of Hollywood and no real set

Director
1- college student needs credit for his film course
1- has one body part, or another in every other scene

Candy in the movie world

Ahhh, now what to eat during a bad movie. The choice of course is always the viewer's, but I do have some simply suggestions to better help you through the movie

1- Jawbreaker's They will last a whole movie unless yo try and chew one. The you may end up with a chipped, cracked, or broken tooth, or teeth
2- Having company It's more fun having friends over to share the pain of the movie. An old time favorite in this case is Ju-Ju Beads. Not only do they last, but they are great for tossing into the back of someone's head at the right moment in a horror flick
3- Rasinettes This is an acceptable substitute for Ju-Ju Beads when hitting a woman. They'll understand
4- Snowcaps These are great to nibble on during a thriller.

We may have rain over this weekend, so I suggest you rush to your local shop and rent one. While you're out hit the supermarket and stock up on some candy..

Enjoy the weekend, I have already made my selection and I hope you enjoy yours. So I hope you found this little guide helpful in your quest for the perfect bad movie

 

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[Chug And Red]

Yea, but there are some great movies with fewer than 6 words, one is "Dutch", we could see that one over and over again! And then there is "Forrest Gump", "Avatar" "16 Candles is Reds favorite. And then you can't forget the popcorn and drinks! LOL

 

[spartacus53]

Yea, but there are some great movies with fewer than 6 words, one is "Dutch", we could see that one over and over again! And then there is "Forrest Gump", "Avatar" "16 Candles is Reds favorite. And then you can't forget the popcorn and drinks! LOL

A quick look at your nickname and I'm surprised that you didn't mention the movie "Reds", after all we are talking about bad movies

 

[Chug And Red]

Oh yea, that was a bad one LOL

 

[spartacus53]

Keep this formula in mind on titles
1- 1 word, bad
2- 2 words, very bad
3- 3 words, garbage
4- 4-7 words, terrible
5- 8 words and over ----- Must see!!!

 

[GopherDaGold]

Title: This is a key element and will speak volumes of the movie
1- Amount of words in the title... The more words, the worse the movie in most cases. Look for a title that has a minimum of 5 words example "Plan 9 From Outer Space" see 5 words and a bad movie. Now take "The Attack of The Killer Tomatoes" 6 words and even a worse movie. May I suggest just looking for movies with over 6 words in the title and you have a sure winner. Once a title hits 10 words, you have already read the book, so you can skip the movie.

Then how do you explain Ishtar and Xanadu?

 

[spartacus53]

Then how do you explain Ishtar and Xanadu?

Just that, "bad" the other movies are by far worse.. That is why there is a table above. Sometimes things to go awry, but that is why you use the other pointers as well in your choosing a movie. Look for all the negatives in all the above categories and you have a real winning "loser"

 

[Dano Sverige]

4- a large group of people feeling some kind of monster

Can't stop laughing! Does that include "porn"...or was it supposed to be "fleeing"? lol.

"All you ever wanted to know about sex but were too afraid to ask"! I £€#@ing hate Woody Allen!

 

[Chug And Red]

4- a large group of people feeling some kind of monster

Can't stop laughing! Does that include "porn"...or was it supposed to be "fleeing"? lol.

"All you ever wanted to know about sex but were too afraid to ask"! I £€#@ing hate Woody Allen!

I hear ya, can't stand the so called man, and wish he would leave show business, grrrrr

 

[spartacus53]

4- a large group of people feeling some kind of monster

Can't stop laughing! Does that include "porn"...or was it supposed to be "fleeing"? lol.

"All you ever wanted to know about sex but were too afraid to ask"! I £€#@ing hate Woody Allen!

Nice catch, the editor was on lunch and will be dealt with accordingly. Actually feeling does sound funnier.. Oh well, I already made the edit...

 

[Chug And Red]

I just thought of another bad movie, Juno, kept falling asleep during it

 

[spartacus53]

I just thought of another bad movie, Juno, kept falling asleep during it

Ahhh, there is a difference here between bad and boring... Boring is another category and could use a post of its own.. I fell asleep 3 times to 1 word titles.. The first and 2nd were the same movie "Firefox"
Although it was a good movie, we saw this on a cruise after dinner. I guess the motion just rocked me to sleep. When we got home, we had rented it a few month's later and I think I fell asleep around the same point as the first time. I have never attempted to watch it again. The second was "Cocolat", a girl I was dating wanted to see it, I was out in about 45 minutes. I think she enjoyed the movie, but I know we didn't talk about it later... "Random Hearts" and "Bridges of Madison County", are a tie. I was out in under 15 minutes for both. So there is a difference between bad & boring

 

[warsawdaddy]

The title of this threw me.When I first read it I immediately thought of a saturday afternoon three B westerns,two serials,and three cartoons and admission was a dime.Showing my age again,I guess.

 

[spartacus53]

The title of this threw me.When I first read it I immediately thought of a saturday afternoon three B westerns,two serials,and three cartoons and admission was a dime.Showing my age again,I guess.

Yes you did. I can see you were one of the first to see the "talkies" I grew up a bit later, the days of the short, and double feature.

The one thing that is always a constant is that "bad" movies, are "bad" movies no matter what yesr they were made.

 

[Mental Granny]

I think tomorrow I am going to start a marathon of "TREMORS" but, my candy melted on the way home!

 

[spartacus53]

"All you ever wanted to know about sex but were too afraid to ask"! I £€#@ing hate Woody Allen!

Exactly my point A title a mile long and bad as hell. See I can be helpful on occasion.

Just copy the original post and take it with you while looking to rent a loser for the day. You'll thank me in the end for making things easier.

 

[RGINN]

...and be sure and catch 'Glen or Glenda' playing at a theater near you. Probably.

 

[Dano Sverige]

"Tron"! -

"Seven brides for seven brothers"! -

"2001 a space oddesey" (and probably 2010 too)

Any "horror" movie in black and white! (including "blair witch project")

"The Patriot"..all lies! "Braveheart"...all lies! Gibson's a tosser!

 

[spartacus53]

I think I should have also compiled a list to things to look for in a really bad movie. So here is a partial list of some of the things to look for. I am sure that you will always have tons of other scenes.

1- Ropes instead of invisible wires hold up props such as a planet.
2- Like in all Godzilla movies, little toy boat shot in a swimming pool
3- Special Effects - When they are unable to make a full monster costume and you see the actors sneakers
4- The actors are actually reading off of the script during the filming
5- Crowds of people being hit with huge parts of falling building that literally bounce off of them
6- Monster and hero rarely seen in same frame, as they are one and the same.
7- In the same movie, one extra may be seen killed in 4 different scenes
8- Little kids actually wander on the scene and sit on the side watching the action.
9- During a solemn panning, the cast and crew can be seen sitting down for lunch

And my personal favorite

10 During one long conversational scene, one, or both actors will have several wardrobe changes

 

[vibes]

I think I should have also compiled a list to things to look for in a really bad movie. So here is a partial list of some of the things to look for. I am sure that you will always have tons of other scenes.

1- Ropes instead of invisible wires hold up props such as a planet.
2- Like in all Godzilla movies, little toy boat shot in a swimming pool
3- Special Effects - When they are unable to make a full monster costume and you see the actors sneakers
4- The actors are actually reading off of the script during the filming
5- Crowds of people being hit with huge parts of falling building that literally bounce off of them
6- Monster and hero rarely seen in same frame, as they are one and the same.
7- In the same movie, one extra may be seen killed in 4 different scenes
8- Little kids actually wander on the scene and sit on the side watching the action.
9- During a solemn panning, the cast and crew can be seen sitting down for lunch

And my personal favorite

10 During one long conversational scene, one, or both actors will have several wardrobe changes

I was IN that movie!! It's a 2 word horror flick and it was beyond bad....i don't think it even went straight to rental.