I NEED SOME SERIOUS ADVICE!!!!

TheHarleyMan2

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I am looking for my T-Net friends to give me some advice. This is kind of personal so I don't mean to throw out my business out there in the public world, but here goes!

My so called girlfriend, (I been living in her house for 10 years the exact same with us being together). Well for the last couple of years our relationship pretty much dwindled to nothing and of course she never wanted me to move out because she doesn't have to worry about doing anything like laundry, maintaining her house, cooking, etc.

Several times when she told me to get my stuff and move out, the minute I would start packing she would tell me she didn't want me to leave. So short story on that, I was self employed for 7 years with my business and of course the Army pretty much closed my business because I was to deploy in 2009-2010, but date got moved to later 2010, then the deployment got canceled all together. So for almost 2 years I was looking for work and no one was hiring me muc less calling me for interviews. So I was pretty much broke financially except for my weekend Army reserves pay that covered my bills every month.

The whole time we been together for the 10 years, she would never let me pay any bills at her house, like electricity, water, sewer, mortgage, etc, I know the reason why! She did not want me to have a paper trail of me paying anything due to Texas community property law! She would insist I just buy groceries, buy stuff for the house, that went wrong, etc. But while I was in business I would put a copuple of thousand her her personal bank account almost very 2-3 months. Dang, I wish now that I kept the transactions reciepts! But the lady who always waited on me at the bank KNOWS I been doing it for years from 2006-2009 just before I went out of business, because she would comment, "She wished a man would just put money in her account like I was doing with my girlfriends account!"

Here is some insight;

She has a daughter that her and I never got along. She has a husband and she takes her husbands check and tells him what do you. She makes more money than her husband and of course he can't do anything or buy anything he wants unless he makes extra money or sells something to get the extra cash because he can't use any part of his paycheck! He is whooped bad! They been married for 15 years and she has 2 teenagers, (1 boy 16 and 1 girl 17), plus they have a little child together, (6 years old). Let me ad that her daughter, (my girlfriends), talks so loud like she is across the street talking to someone even though you are standing right in front of her. She is a loud mouth, but sometimes she talks with a normal tone, but it is very few far in between when she does!

Here is the main problem I don't know how to handle;

My girlfriend, (the one I am living in her house with), had her daughter, her two teenagers, son-n-law, and their 6 year old boy move into my girlfriends house because they are having a house built because they sold theirs. Well no one asked me anything and I am pretty much being walked on, not just by my girlfriend, but her daughter as well. If I say something that I feel is wrong to my girlfriend or no one asks what my opinion is about anything and I am told I better shut up when I say something because I am not bowing down to anyone! I am being told I need to stay out of it. They moved in almost 4 weeks ago and the builder hasn't even started the slab for their house and won't start it to July 15th. Her daughter makes 6 figures a year, and her huisband works from home and didn't want to rent a place while their house is going to be built and they wanted to save some money so they moved in here!

When they moved in I told my girlfriend and her daughter I didn't want crap piled up in the garage because I work on stuff and need my space. Well, I had to move everything out of my bedrooms and wieght room to make room for them to stay here when they moved in. So I insisted my garage be left as is. But what happened? You can't hardly move around in the garage. When I said something to my girlfriend about it, or not finding any dishes and dishes either in the bedroom or piled in the sink, or trash just left out on the table, or living room from when they went out to eat and brought it home and too lazy to throw the trash away, or leaving laundry in the washer and dryer for days, etc and the kids don't do crap!!!!!!!! I get told all I do is B*&#CH and complain. Really?

The problem is the 2 teenagers, (boy 16, girl 17), don't do crap around here, they eat in their bedrooms, leaves dishes that had food on them from lunch dinner or whatever in the bedrooms, lets not forget the trash like water bottle and whatever else! If they do bring in the dishes, the just drop it on the counter or in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher. If the trash can is full they will just pile whatever trash on it, (overflowing out of the trash can), and won't do crap. They are lazy as heck!

Now that school is out, the mother, (my girlfriends daughter), lets and allows her 2 teenagers to run the roads all night long coming in between 3:30-5:00am or not at all. If they do come in those times, they sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon! The teenage daughter goes out drinking and partying all night and the mother is OK with it and doesn't do anything about it nad thinks it is OK! She has known her daughter has been doing this to include sneaking out at night since she was 14. The mother and step dad goes over to their friends house once in a while, (almost every weekend), to drink and party and they talk to her kids like it is OK, they tell them they or mom got drunk and what they drank and moms jokes about it like it is normal! Sorry I know it is sorry parenting!

The problem is, now that they are all living here at my girlfriends house they are totally disrupting my life. If the granddaughter has been out and too drunk to drive, (some times she does drinve her car), she will call her mom, but her mom won't answer her phone at night so then she calls my girlfriends phone to come pick her up! (This isn't the first time, happened 4 times in 3 weeks!)

Well, now that I been working 12 hour days in the Texas heat 6 days a week, tonight was no acception. I get woke up because my grilfriend and I are in the same bed has to get up at 2:45 to go pick up her granddaughter. Then when she got back, her daugher comes knocking on the bedroom door at 3:39 and tells her something is wrong with her son, (the 16 year old), and didn't know what to do, and he is somewhere at a friends house and his eyes are hurting and red, he told his mom he had been swimming all day. I am like WTH!!! Thinking to myself? You can't go pick up your own freaken son and you can't figure out what to do so you come knock on moomy's door and wake both of us up to ask her??? REALLY????? He has a truck!!! BTW! So she tells my girlfriend that she was conccerned if her son went to the emergency room that he may have been drinking and didn't want him to get a DUI if he had been drinking. (So the step dad later left to go pick him up! They got back here at 4:47am!)

I got up and told my girlfriend with her daughter standing there in front of the bedroom door with her loud mouth, (Well, so much for getting any sleep I said aloud!) I got up made some coffee and went outside to smoke and closed the front door hard, (oh I am not allowed to smoke in the house becuse my girlfriends daughter doesn't want her 6 year old to be subject to second hand smoke!) I come back in slammed the front door. I told both my girlfriend and her daughter you know I don't need to be woke up all the time when I am working 12 hour days in the Texas heat! My girlfriend came back and said you jsut got that job! I told her that for the last week I been coming in so tired that I can hardly walk, much less feel like eating, and I told her how have I been comiing in? Last Tuesday and Wednesday I had a heat stroke at work, (Yes I was drinking gallons of water, I mean like 4-5 gallons a day nad I still was not sweating!) Yes, this was a lot of in direct sun and heat doing labor work both of which I am not really used to!

So my girlfriend tells me I need to be quiet and shut up. I told her I am getting sick and tired of my opinion don't matter or I don't have a say so in the matter.

Fact is I am not financially able to move out much less move anywhere as I really don't have any close friends here so I can't even get on my own 2 feet. Otherwise I would leave this place in a heartbeat!!!!

Fact is my girlfriends daughter and her family will be here for at least 6 months longer until their house is built on their land.

I thought about using my voice activated tape recorder everytime the mom talks about drinking and getting drunk to her daughter and her daughter talks about how much she had to drink, and then go to the police department and let them hear it all. But the fact is I will loose either way and be told to move out and I don't have the money to do so or I would!

Sorry for putting it out there, but I need some serious advice bad, (before I do something stoopid), because I am not going to be able to take this crap for another 5-6 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Treasure_Hunter

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You only have 2 choices, put up with their crap or move out..... your being walked all over, your getting no respect what so ever, and from sounds of it, its not going to get any better............. There is always something out there, a cheap 1 bedroom apt, anything, I would find something.....
 

Dano Sverige

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Hard to give advice in a situation like yours mate. Kinda dug a hole for yourself after 10 years of having your name on nothing. Fact is,you don't have many (easy) choices!
Easiest thing is to cut your loses and leave. You're apparently working so you should have money for room and board until you find something permanent, instead of handing it all over to her as usual.
Clear the garage (again),put locks on the inside of any doors, get a camp bed/cot, and sleep in there.
If you don't have them already...buy/borrow a tent and sleeping bag and sleep in the garden/yard. You apparently spent a long time in the military so should be used to a little hardship!

In other words...ya stuck between a rock and the proverbial hard place!
Personally i'd sit cleaning guns all day and night and let them see me watching reality shows about family shootings and spree killers and hope they nervously took the hint and left....but that's just me! :)

You've got it bad bro'...and your only choices are to live with it or bite the bullet and move out.Sorry.
 

spartacus53

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I will need a little more time to resolve this to your liking.. Like you, I've just finished 2 x 13+ hour back to back nights.. No picnic here either in the heat.

But to get you on the right track, you need to make the daughter feel uncomfortable. Here's one idea until I can come up with something better. Most woman are pretty squeamish around mice. I would suggest a trip to the local pet shop and buy a dozen of those bad boys. Then just let them loose in her room. Don't forget to leave some crumbs, or other tinny edibles under their bed... You just have to make her living conditions a living nightmare. :laughing7:
 

Chadeaux

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Been a long time since I lived in Texas, but they used to have city missions where you could crash till you got on your feet.

I'd rent a storage building for my stuff and spend a couple weeks at the mission or at the Y (depending on where you live) until you could get the cash together for an apartment and utilities. Working 12 hour days, it shouldn't take too long.

Not an ideal solution, but it will work.
 

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TheHarleyMan2

TheHarleyMan2

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Hey I appreciate the advice. My problem is she already had the house when her and I got together. Yes, I can rough it, but my funds are limited to rent an apartment much less a room because child support is killing me so I haven't much left to barely pay my bills with me working. When I was in business I had money! I have a tent and can rough it, but I got a lot of stuff here I would have to move out into storage, as I said, money is tight right now and I am not leaving my possessions either.

I thought about the mice deal but the problem with that is between 3 dogs, (2 are not mine), and 2 cats, (1 is not mine), I don't think it would take long before I put the mice out that the few animals would find them!

The gun deal, I thought about that too, but you haev to understand that by going that extreme, I would have at least 3 people, (adults), out of the 6 who would most likely go agaisnt me, then something really stoopid would happen if the police got here because straight up, I am not going to jail!

I do play guitar and I play it really loud. I was going to turn the volume up all the way and start jamming on some heavy classic rock this morning, but my girlfriend took off from work, (which I know if I do, there will be more conflict), and also her son-in-law works from home and he is on the phone alot. I don't really have any problems with him, except I don't have any respect for him at all being his wife runs his life!

I wouldn't mind having some really loud talking friends over one night or several and just have loud conversations just to keep the jerks awake when they go to bed!

Her and I had a little talk a while ago and I mentioned the issues with her grandkids drinking under age, and her comment was she let her kids have a beer or two when they were younger and she comes out and says things change from the way it was when we grew up. Now grant she is 58 years old! I told her no, what goes on today is a parenting problem not a times of change problem! It is parenting issues the reason kids are this way, lazy, run the roads all night, sex, drinking, drugs, don't want to get a job, do anything around the house, etc. She totally disagreed with me all together.

I am going to try and stay here as long as I can and remain sane, but the minute her kids move out, I will be right behind them and nothing will stop me!! It is pretty sad though you spend quite a few years with someone you planned on marrying and it all turns out this way of nothing but control! Her son-in-law had a talk a few weeks ago and I made a comment on how his wife, (my girlfriends daughter), has so much influence on her mother to tell her what to do and not what to do. He even said yeah, I never seen any child have that much influence over a parent than whta his wife does with her mother!

The problem with her daughter ever having with me started when I started my business on the rally circuit and I didn't have an everyday job and it really ticked her off. But at each rally I made enough money to pay all my bills and then some for a couple of months if I wanted! But I would do 1 sometimes maybe 2 shows a month and sometimes it was every other month. Her daughter was running at the chops when I overheard her tell her mother, (as I just walked in the door from doing a rally), that I needed to get a job instead of sitting home all week for 2-3 weeks a month. Of course I went to her and I asked her when was the last time she made $23,000 profit for 3 1/2 days? Of course she said well that's good! I told her it was none of her business what I did and how much money I made either. Of course her comment was, "That's my momma and it is my business"! Of course I won't go into what I said, any further other than, "You just keep working for the man and go ahead and take at least 6 months to make what took me 3 1/2 days at your lousy job and amount to nothing!" but that was the start of "US" not liking each other because she wanted her momma to be just like her with the control crap!
 

Michigan Badger

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Like stated above you pretty much screwed yourself. Also as stated above, you really have only two choices. Put up with being the family dog or get out and learn from your mistakes. Neither option will be easy.

I hear this type of thing all the time so your situation isn't at all unique today.

You lived with this woman for all those years so you must have feelings for her. Try a private conversation to see if there's any possibility for reconciliation. You need a definite understanding but from what you wrote it looks like you might be her lollipop, sugar daddy, sucker.
 

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Treasure_Hunter

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You only have 2 choices, stay or move. You said it's her house so if she told you to leave you would have to move anyway. I would talk to an attorney if you can't even afford to rent a room then your financial situation has changed since the child support was set up, you can file to have it lowered (amended).
 

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A/CMan

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Get the heck out of dodge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't look back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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stefen

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As mentioned by others, you have 2 choices; stay and live in misery or leave and begin all over again...

If you continue to provide additional excuses, then you're not ready to move on...
 

River Rat

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Sounds like someone is sending you through the wringer & has been for a number of years. If you want to live a long happy life, you need to get out of this unhealthy environment ASAP. It's extremely bad for you physically & mentally. Better keep a close eye on your possessions in the garage too. Wishing you all be best!
 

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TheHarleyMan2

TheHarleyMan2

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Yeah I know thanks everyone. Problem is it takes money to move anywhere, even put my stuff. I found out the reason why her daughter woke "US" up! It seems her 16 year old son got a DUI last nigth and impounded his truck!!!!

This makes me happy as heck that it will cost her daughter several thousands of dollars. I am also GLAD he did not injure or kill anyone or had an accident! But either way, the parents is responsible for thier kids actions!

I told my girlfriends son-in-law that he better tighten up the riegn because if either teenager gets caught drinking and has an accident and injures or kills someone they will be held liable as well as my telling my girlfriend that she will be held accountable because they are living in her house!

Yeha while I was at Harley Tech School in 2004-2005 for 6 1/2 months they moved in here until their house was built and of course I had tools come up missing. Low and behold after they moved into their house and I got back, they had a cookout and of course what did I see in their garage? yep, some of my tools that was missing! So yes, I got everything all locked up now!

Yeah, as I SAID BEFORE, if I had the funds to get my stuff out of here I would, but as I SAID BEFORE, I am NOT leaving my belongings! I can only work to get enough money to get the hell out of here!
 

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FarmerChick

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Get the heck out of dodge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't look back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

X1,000

run, run and run faster.


sorry but you made this trouble. You stayed. Under the 'restrictions' that 'she' put on you. You agreed. You complied. You gave and kinda got nothing back in reality.

It is so hard to change. So hard to walk in a way. BUT when you do, the relief you feel will be like a mountain has been lifted off your shoulders.


Go to a junkyard....or a used auto place. BUY a $500 camper. Go to a state park.

ANYTHING!!!! I would NOT pay with your Army checks the bills you were paying. food and maintenance fixes etc. Bank every stinkin' cent you can to LEAVE. I wouldn't contribute on more dime to your living situation. BANK every cent for yourself. So you can RUN, and run fast and far!

best of luck. life can be rough, only you can change it.
 

Treasure_Hunter

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Do what you can, but remember if its her house she can tell you to leave at anytime so keep that in mind. If she told you to get out and had the police there to evict you where would you go? I would be out of there in 30 days or less come hell or high water.
 

Arizona Bob

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I am looking for my T-Net friends to give me some advice... blah blah blah.

Okay, I'll give you a 3rd choice. Ask your girlfriend to marry you. If she accepts your proposal, this places the power back in your court. After marriage, half of all her crap is yours! Don't want her family members living at your house? Call the Constable and have them thrown out- after all, the house is half yours now! What if the marriage doesn't work-out? Half of all her crap is yours! Win-Win!


Next!
 

Treasure_Hunter

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LOL, evidently you have never been divorced, the only half of "her stuff" you get is her lawyer costs. Do not marry her unless you want to jump from the pan into the fire, marriage is hard enough when you get along great before the wedding.
 

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TheHarleyMan2

TheHarleyMan2

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See here in Texas is common law marraige. I am on her health and auto insurance, claimed me on her taxes as a dependent, and of course, several people we talked to over the years when her and I were engaged at one point either talked about your husband or wife, to both of us in conversations. So those are the 3 major things to be considered common law married.

I am going to speak with an attorney. I had already talked to the police about it a few weeks ago and they pretty much said either I like it or move out, but they wasn't sure if she could actually make me leave because we ARE common law married. They told me to go speak with a constable. Which I hadn't yet.

I called a couple of weeks ago and tried speaking with a couple of attorney's but they all want a consultaion fee of which I don't haev one. But also wotking 12 hours a day is not going to give me time to look ones up either! I work 7am-7pm 6 days a week. And of course there are plenty of ears around here if I started calling any and explaining everything.
 

Treasure_Hunter

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Search Google "divorce lawyer first consultation free" and the city your in or near.

I know its not easy choice, but life is too short to live like that in that misery... Every day you stay in that mess is one less day you have to enjoy life.
 

Nightibis

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A lawyer would be able to sopena the accounts to prove the money was put in her account. If she paid bills out of that account that shows you were financially invested in the home and its well being. I would see a lawyer.
 

Arizona Bob

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LOL, evidently you have never been divorced, the only half of "her stuff" you get is her lawyer costs. Do not marry her unless you want to jump from the pan into the fire, marriage is hard enough when you get along great before the wedding.

So, if I understand him correctly, he has NOTHING. If divorcing, she gets half of nothing. He gets half interest in all her crap. Still Win-Win for him!
 

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