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Thread: The Big Breasted Woman and the Cicada Shell

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  1. #1
    us
    Title? old fart

    Jun 2014
    mid western ARK
    XP Deus with 9"LF and 9" HF Coils and 600 Equinox with stock and 6" coils
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    The Big Breasted Woman and the Cicada Shell

    Several years back, several of my wife's family came to visit us here in Arkansas. Her oldest sister, Rose, was a very short woman in her mid 60s. Rose was also very well endowed upstairs for such a short person. Everyone was outside in the garden down below the house except for Rose, her husband Jim and I.

    I had put something in the slow cooker and went to check on Rose and Jim to see if they needed anything. They were lying on the bed and watching everyone outside when I asked if they needed anything. Rose turned over and told me that everyone in Arkansas must have a chainsaw and cut wood constantly.

    I laughed and tried to explain that the "buzzing noise" that she was hearing was actually a bug, a Cicada or 17 year locust. She argued that it had to be chainsaws and so I decided to go out and find one. I started out looking for a live one, they are usually everywhere (except when you need one) but I couldn't find a live one or a dead one. So I decided to look for one of their cast off shells from when they come out of the dirt and climb onto something to emerge into an adult and fly off to breed.

    Well, couldn't find one and I was looking everywhere for one. Finally I found one and hurried back to show them. When I walked in the room, both turned over to see what I had. I began explaining the life cycle of the cicada to them. Now Rose was the closest one and I was holding the cicada shell up high above her. Rose had on one of those low cut shirts that allowed a lot of her cleavage to show.

    So, being the guy that I am, I "Accidentally" dropped the shell and where did it go? Right in amongst No Man's land! They were both fixed on the shell and watched as it dropped in between her breasts. Instantly Rose screamed louder than any 15 year old could with her hands and arms shaking like crazy.

    She began screaming at me to "Get it out! Get it out now!" I looked over to Jim and told him, "I ain't reaching in there, you'll have to get it out." Jim grinned and proceeded to get it out. Meanwhile, the house had filled up to see who was being murdered. Of course the shell was crushed and she had to go to the bathroom to "clean up".

    So, that year for Christmas, I sent her both a dead cicada and of course another shell. Jim had to tell everyone the story. I never knew that older women could scream like that but I do now LOL.
    LUKE 15 : 8 "OR WHAT WOMAN, IF SHE HAS TEN SILVER COINS AND LOSES ONE COIN,DOES NOT LIGHT A LAMP AND SWEEP THE HOUSE AND SEARCH CAREFULLY UNTIL SHE FINDS IT?" 15 : 9 "AND WHEN SHE HAS FOUND IT, SHE CALLS TOGETHER HER FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, SAYING, "REJOICE WITH ME, FOR I HAVE FOUND THE COIN WHICH I HAD LOST!"

  2. #2
    Charter Member
    us
    Oct 2014
    Massachusetts
    Garrett: AT Pro, AT Gold & Infinium; Minelab: Explorer SE, II & X-terra 705; Tesoro: Tejon & Outlaw; White's: V3i & DFX
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    Another wonderful story, thank you for sharing!
    dirtlooter, devldog and A2coins like this.

  3. #3
    Charter Member
    us
    Nov 2012
    Maryland
    XP Deus, Tesoro Cibola
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    Nice story. I needed that.
    dirtlooter, devldog and A2coins like this.

  4. #4
    us
    Jan 2016
    NW Arcanslaw / SW Misery
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    Admit it, you were hoping she would panic and shed like a cicada (get naked)
    dirtlooter, devldog and A2coins like this.
    “During the gold rush its a good time to be in the pick and shovel business.” Mark Twain

  5. #5
    us
    Title? old fart

    Jun 2014
    mid western ARK
    XP Deus with 9"LF and 9" HF Coils and 600 Equinox with stock and 6" coils
    8,287
    11689 times
    Relic Hunting
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    Quote Originally Posted by Icewing View Post
    Admit it, you were hoping she would panic and shed like a cicada (get naked)
    not really, she was like 67 or 68 then, could have been shocking LOL
    devldog, Icewing and A2coins like this.
    LUKE 15 : 8 "OR WHAT WOMAN, IF SHE HAS TEN SILVER COINS AND LOSES ONE COIN,DOES NOT LIGHT A LAMP AND SWEEP THE HOUSE AND SEARCH CAREFULLY UNTIL SHE FINDS IT?" 15 : 9 "AND WHEN SHE HAS FOUND IT, SHE CALLS TOGETHER HER FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, SAYING, "REJOICE WITH ME, FOR I HAVE FOUND THE COIN WHICH I HAD LOST!"

  6. #6
    us
    Dennis

    Jan 2012
    Montana
    White's MXT
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    All Types Of Treasure Hunting
    Banner Finds (2)
    ''Lord Have Mercy!''
    devldog and A2coins like this.

  7. #7
    us
    Mar 2012
    Georgia
    Whites MXT ALL PRO,
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    Relic Hunting
    Lol. That Cicada must have felt like he was between a sock and a soft place.
    A2coins likes this.

  8. #8
    us
    Oct 2010
    Georgia
    Teknetics T2SE
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    All Types Of Treasure Hunting
    I've found that running a circular saw will draw in the live ones. If they're around, they'll light on me most every time I'm out cutting something. Something about the racket, I reckon.
    A2coins likes this.

  9. #9
    us
    Title? old fart

    Jun 2014
    mid western ARK
    XP Deus with 9"LF and 9" HF Coils and 600 Equinox with stock and 6" coils
    8,287
    11689 times
    Relic Hunting
    Honorable Mentions (3)
    Quote Originally Posted by sandchip View Post
    I've found that running a circular saw will draw in the live ones. If they're around, they'll light on me most every time I'm out cutting something. Something about the racket, I reckon.
    good vibrations...there should be a song about that
    A2coins and sandchip like this.
    LUKE 15 : 8 "OR WHAT WOMAN, IF SHE HAS TEN SILVER COINS AND LOSES ONE COIN,DOES NOT LIGHT A LAMP AND SWEEP THE HOUSE AND SEARCH CAREFULLY UNTIL SHE FINDS IT?" 15 : 9 "AND WHEN SHE HAS FOUND IT, SHE CALLS TOGETHER HER FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS, SAYING, "REJOICE WITH ME, FOR I HAVE FOUND THE COIN WHICH I HAD LOST!"

  10. #10
    Charter Member
    us
    Tommy

    Dec 2015
    Ann Arbor
    Equinox 800
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    Honorable Mentions (2)
    Be glad your a guy and dont have to lug those around with possible back problems
    sandchip and dirtlooter like this.
    Still Available ​Approved TreasureNet Stickers
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  11. #11
    us
    Jan 2016
    NW Arcanslaw / SW Misery
    Minelab X-Terra 705 Gold / Garrett PropointerAT.
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    All Types Of Treasure Hunting
    Quote Originally Posted by A2coins View Post
    Be glad your a guy and dont have to lug those around with possible back problems

    Trust me, if they were so bad breast augmentation surgery wouldn't be so popular.

    Err... I mean, yes every time I see a large breasted woman I instantly pity her plight and misfortune.
    “During the gold rush its a good time to be in the pick and shovel business.” Mark Twain

  12. #12
    us
    Jul 2013
    OC, Calif
    Whites Surf PI & Whites DFX
    510
    713 times
    Beach and Shallow Water Hunting
    Honorable Mentions (1)
    Another cicada story. Several years ago my wife and I went to Downers Grove, Ill. to visit her aunt. That week, their next door neighbor came over to show us the wedding band he lost in his garden 17 years prior. Those noisy cicadas were coming out of the ground and brought his ring to the surface. I believe the local TV news station came out and did a story about it. That is a hard way to treasure hunt
    dirtlooter likes this.

 

 

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