Ray S ECenFL
Silver Member
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2007
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- 2,536
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- Location
- East Central Florida WP
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- Whites XLT / M6
- #1
Thread Owner
WHEN YOU GET OLD
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
Elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She
Responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
_________________________________
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is
The best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
_______________ ________________
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs
.
__________________________________________________________
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half blind, can't
Hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
That make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
Dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends but, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
_______________________________
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
Doctor's' permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
Decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
Jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. By the time I got my
Leotards on, the class was over.
_______________________________
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
Had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
Exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll b e sure my daughters visit me
Twice a week "
____________________________________________________________
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
Memory's' not as sharp as it used to be.
_______________________________
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
_______________________________
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
______________________________
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
Relief."
______________________________
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
Because you stop laughing.
________________________________
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
Liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
Eyesight to tell the difference.
______________________________________________________________
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they
Are!
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
Elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She
Responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
_________________________________
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is
The best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
_______________ ________________
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs
.
__________________________________________________________
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half blind, can't
Hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
That make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
Dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends but, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
_______________________________
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
Doctor's' permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
Decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
Jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. By the time I got my
Leotards on, the class was over.
_______________________________
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
Had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
Exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll b e sure my daughters visit me
Twice a week "
____________________________________________________________
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
Memory's' not as sharp as it used to be.
_______________________________
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
_______________________________
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
______________________________
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
Relief."
______________________________
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
Because you stop laughing.
________________________________
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
Liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
Eyesight to tell the difference.
______________________________________________________________
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they
Are!
