Newspaper Items - Priceless

[Mighty AP]

 

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[kenb]

Great post AP!!

kenb

 

[TreasureTales]

ROFL LMAO. WAAAAAAAYYY too funny. I especially like the first and last clippings. What bozos. Mighty AP, where did you get those clippings? Are you in Europe or do you subscribe to the English tabloids?

 

[stefen]

Geez...those are hilarious

 

[EDDE]

that last one is a scream..........

 

[hollowpointred]

lol!

 

[Montana Jim]

lmao... VERY good AP!

 

[Dimeman]

The last one IS a scream!!!! I can just picture it....... :P

 

[stefen]

Some are just slips of the tongue

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms

Some become unintentionally suggestive

Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Child's stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Grammar often botches other headlines
Eye drops off shelf
Squad helps dog bite victim
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Miners refuse to work after death
Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:

Never withhold herpes from loved one
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious
If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
War dims hope for peace
Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Child's death ruins couple's holiday
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Man is fatally slain
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

 

[PBK]

CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT

An Arkansas newspaper reported the following:

"Also arrested was [name of defendant], who pleaded guilty to 10 counts of breaking or entering and received a six-year suspended sentence, and two 16-year-old boys."

 

[arkhunter]

CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT

An Arkansas newspaper reported the following:

"Also arrested was [name of defendant], who pleaded guilty to 10 counts of breaking or entering and received a six-year suspended sentence, and two 16-year-old boys."

only in arkansas....