I quit!!!!

[Muddyhandz]

Great post Brad and yes, you understood me well. I actually have used the concept of will and willpower all my life.
After reading "Any psychologist will tell you that there is no such thing as willpower." in the book, I became intrigued.
I do agree with "you do what you do because it is what you want to do" as well.
Thinking back to that time at 8 or 10 years old; out on a country road following with the south gusting wind; (on my bike) way up north with ease.
I didn't quite understand as I flew (at a fast speed) that I would eventually have to come home AGAINST that gusting wind!
After that "free" ride about 25 miles away, I started the slow, grueling trip back.
Halfway back I felt like I couldn't do it and really wanted to give up.
I knew that I had to continue because I couldn't survive out here by myself and I would get in trouble if my parents came looking for me.
So, I had to keep going but it was too difficult and I was soo tired.......then (honestly) came Bob Seger's song in my head and the chorus......
Against the wind....I'm still running......against the wind. This kept repeating and I felt a new energy come over me.
I tricked my brain with this mantra. The ego that always feels like a victim? I pushed onward home. Maybe it was a survival mode.
Anyway, I promise you that I didn't make that story up!



At about 4 minutes is the part that kept repeating in my mind.

 

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[SADS 669]

Great explanation Muddy... I understand your opinion. I used to do a lot of physical endeavors at a very high level and people used to say "You won by sheer will power". I'd like to think that in the heat of the moment I found reason's NOT TO LOSE. But I do understand Texasred777's statement. Your explanation (if I'm right) means you can't turn will power on or off. But on the other hand when your under pressure you'll draw from experience to overtake the mental or physical task at hand. When this is observed by others of someone doing a hard task (and winning) it does come across by those observing as the person utilizing "their will power". But I totally understand your statement. That's the difference between those observing and the person doing the task. Glad you staying strong buddy... keep going!!!!! "Will power" or "survival mechanism"... JUST DO IT.

Brad and Muddy,

Will power is a fancy term for being really mentally tough, whether your sat at a desk and function with unbelievable deadlines or hacksawing through metal bars underwater for hours. It's all the same brand of mental toughness,

I would imagine ( can't truly comment, never smoked) giving up smoking is the same. Maybe you just say " I am not going to smoke" and then hang on for the ride.

 

[DesotoSis]

Dave, before Sun., Aug 12, 2012, I could have written the same post, verbatim. While getting ready for church that day, I had a heart attack, & ended up in surgery about the same time church began. I was 62, and had been a 1 to 2 pk a day smoker (depending if a workday or weekend) since my college freshman year, although in that last year I did get it down to 1/2 to 3/4 pks a day, even on weekends. Forty four years a committed smoker. I had totally given up on trying to quit because I was just too addicted .... or so I thought.

I needed to quit! My mother and I have lived together for 14 yrs, she's 93, and depends on me to look after her, but no amount of rationalizing ever changed my mindset. I needed them to stay sane, reward myself, etc. If anyone had told me, on Aug 11th, that in less than 24 hrs I would quit forever, no problem, I would have laughed, while assuring them they were delusional. But the 'Miraculous Surprise' for me was hearing myself reassuring both the ER doc and surgeon that I had smoked my last cigarette, completely confident I would never touch another! I felt a calm knowing, yet it was still surreal.

Today, I can truthfully say I have never worried about it again, and only had a couple of very mild cravings, during the first 6 to 9 months .... kind of like when you would like an ice cream sundae, but resist because you're trying to lose a few lbs. I am sometimes still amazed that I can go for days, or longer, without even remembering I was ever a smoker. My success in quitting, as well as recovery, was not from my effort, of that I've no doubt, but was only through God's Grace. Why, I don't know because I am no better, or more deserving, than the next person.

Dave, I do know this. Miracles can happen, and for me this was definitely one. Only a true nicotine addict can fully understand that statement, so from one that was addicted, to another that still is, just know at anytime Something more powerful than a cigarette can change your life seemingly as easily as flipping a switch. I do pray it is not under the same circumstances that I experienced, but does happen for you. I can probably guess what you are thinking right now. I myself remember hearing stories from others who said they were as addicted as anybody, and one day they put it down and never looked back. I always silently thought they didn't have a 'real' addiction like 'mine' .... they couldn't, otherwise they would never be able to quit that easily. Isn't that what you're thinking? It would only be natural.

Stop beating yourself up. Just don't give up! Even though I told myself, and others, I wasn't quitting, I never stopped discreetly being open to ways I might cut back. Whether occasionally using nicotine, or regular, chewing gum to cut back on cigarette breaks at work or home, to reading up on self hypnosis and meditation. Basically, I'd dabble in an idea here and there. If it helped, no matter how little, great! If not, oh well, didn't let it bother me, just moved on. Whatever works for you. Just relax and be mindful of any new ideas that may spark your interest. It was like a silent reverse psychology going on in my head.

I think giving myself permission not to be so hard on myself helped put me in a better frame of mind to eventually gain some success cutting back. As a side note, my cardiologist later said nicotine gum would not hurt me at all, and he didn't care if I chewed it from now on, just as long as I never smoked again. Initially, I only chewed it occasionally, the lightest strength, 2 mg, Walmart brand, 'coated' mint, because it was best price, soft texture, and decent flavor, but now don't even think it much anymore. (I have a fear of patches, as I lost a friend, in her early 40's, on those. She put her 1st one on in the morning, and was dead before midnight. She had an existing blood clot, but it wasn't known until the autopsy later. It caused the clot to break lose and travel to her heart or lungs, forget which. So be cautious there.)

I apologize for this being so long, but understanding your deep frustration, I wish so much to give you a glimmer of hope. And, please know that being a smoker does/did not make you any less of a worthy person than a non-smoker!

Good to remember .......
"Give yourself permission to stumble on occasion, so you can appreciate a successful step forward."
"Always remember to smile. Fresh air is good for your teeth."
"And most importantly, through His Grace, anything is possible."

You can do it ..... I just know it!

 

[Rebel - KGC]

MORE from Psychology... NEGATIVE Reinforcement! Dip Cig end your lips will/would touch in the TOILET BOWL! Associate Cigs with TRASH... "end-of-the Line" stuff! Good LUCK!

 

[Limitool]

Muddy... Sounds like DS above has already walked in your shoes. Your now just stepping on a few weeds following him. Hopefully someone else follows you. Stay strong buddy.

SADDS.... I totally agree with your version of "will power".... it is just a level of mental toughness. Personally whenever I achieved a "new level" I'd think what the hell took me so long to get here? It was usually just a new pain threshold breeched or training my mind to concentrate harder on a single goal... ie, muscle memory, controlling heart beats or when to "quit" and start over.

 

[SADS 669]

Practice does not make perfect.....it makes permanent

 

[dagg nabbit]

in a few days i'll be smoke free for 12 years.best thing I ever did for myself.i heard that it takes 3 weeks for the nicotine to clear from your body.the one thing that helped me was smoking chemical/additive free cigs(American spirit) for a while before I quit.i believe there is something like 600 different ingredients big tobacco uses to make them different from each other,and you get addicted to these also.heres a list of what they add: it.Ingredients and Additives in Cigarettes
after a while smokefree you'll forget about them,and move on without them.after a few years you will realize you can take a full lung full of air again,that was a big one for me.you arer over the hump,don't look back.

 

[texasred777]

I had never heard/remembered that song by Bob Seger. Great song! Glad to hear you're still 'hanging in there'. Yes, I guess there are lots of different ideas about what is considered 'willpower'. As I said earlier, I really don't think I had the will power to quit. The acute bronchitis that kept coming back actually just forced me to stop smoking. And as I said, I had prayed often for something to stop me from smoking because I'm so weak. But, yes, miracles do happen. Keep on keeping on! We're all rooting for you!

 

[Muddyhandz]

Thanks for the posts, especially the nice one from DesotoSis!
I guess it appears that I'm beating myself up or am hard on myself. It doesn't really seem that way to me.
One of the main objectives with this thread was to honestly share everything that I'm going through.
To share experiences that help me mentally overcome this and possibly help others.
The only thing I feel I'm beating up on, is my ego. The ego has managed to find every way possible to keep me addicted to smoking.
By exposing my vulnerabilities right here on this forum, my ego shrivels up and fades away.
Good riddance to you!
If you summarize my last few posts, you'll see that my success has been achieved by "tricking my brain"
That's the key here for me. Not willpower; no nicotine gum, patches, etc. No fancy programs.
Nope, I tied my ego by its ankles to a horse and let it get dragged through the mud.
Once in awhile, it murmurs have a smoke and then gets splatted by rest of me and it shuts up for a few hours.
So yes, I guess I am beating myself up! The greatest enemy I will ever fight in this world is myself!
Currently, I'm winning.
Cheers,
Dave.

 

[squiggy]

When you have an urge to smoke there is something part of a person wants to avoid..takes time to fully understand what that Is..by not giving in to that, it all becomes clear..

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[Muddyhandz]

Squiggy, I can't specifically say what that is but I can wager that it's part of the void we all feel from time to time.
I know since I quit, that general emptiness intensified because smoking gave the illusion that I was filling that void.
Had to find more healthier things to replace what smoking filled.
It seems every human I've met has that same void.
When we feel truly fulfilled, then the emptiness goes away.
Smoking or not.....there's always some aspects of myself that need improvement!

 

[squiggy]

I totally agree..actually when you quit an addiction, it's like grieving for a lost friend!
Once again..you are a wise man! Kudos to you!

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[Limitool]

"Smoking or not.....there's always some aspects of myself that need improvement!"

Boy or boy guy your opening up a can of worms here but your entirely right. And that comment goes for all of us. Now like Sadds, myself and probably some others who have chimed in here we've never smoked so I/we specifically can't relate to quitting smoking but I have been involved with many who have tried. But those other "aspects".... OOOOOOOOOOh boy....!!!!! Your not lone there Dave!!!!!

 

[Muddyhandz]

Not much to say right now other than it's been 21 DAYS!
This was the first milestone that I was aiming for.....
3 WEEKS!
From now on, I'm not measuring in days anymore; it will be in weeks.
I'll still participate with this thread if anyone wants to post or if I have some experiences to share.
Otherwise, I'll update it when its been 4 weeks and/or a month.
Thanks again for all your support!
I'm doing great!
Cheers,
Dave.

 

[releventchair]

Blackjack 21! We have a winner folks. Congrats Muddy,happy healthier living to ya. Plant a flag and press onward ,you got it now. A cold turd ain,t the only thing that don,t smoke. L.o.l..

 

[diggummup]

Just don't replace the cigarettes with food like I did. I gained well over 50 pound when I quit, the first year. Since then I've lost it, but still.

 

[squiggy]

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[Limitool]

I'm happy for ya Muddy.... If that was your 1st goal you are a winner buddy. Stay strong.... Brad

 

[texasred777]

Well, Muddy, congratulations on being well on your way to being a 'quitter'! Not many things in life that you can brag about being a 'quitter'; but this is definitely one of the biggest!
OK, you're going not try to keep the thread going. That's fine; but I'll watch for it and if there are posts I'll read them. Otherwise, just hang in there and keep on doing what you're doing: Quitting!

 

[Muddyhandz]

Hey thanks guys!
I could keep this thread going but didn't want to overdo it.
While I'm here, I might as well say a few things, like it's been 3 weeks and 2 days since I last smoked!
Sill get cravings throughout the day but they are no match for simple logic.
Totally understandable though. A 25 year routine habit doesn't change overnight.
A little over 3 weeks is peanuts compared to 2/3rds of my life!
As time goes on, I may one day forget what it was like to even smoke.
Have a great weekend everyone and H.H.
Cheers,
Dave.