Dating

[spartacus53]

When it comes to understanding relationships, I am head and tails above the likes of Dr's Phil, Ruth, Drew and all the other phonies you can think of. How so?, you ask. Simply put these clowns spent years in school trying to learn something I was already a master of. Now think, here you are taking the advise from a bunch of buffoons that couldn't get a date on their own without paying someone off. I would really hate to see the groupies of any of these so called experts. So I ask, who would you take advise from, someone who read about it, or someone who practices what he preaches?

I on the other hand have only been married once and that was right up to the "itch", or "stretch" marker for you sports nuts. With my expert guidance, I can show you the way to a better life with the "right" companion. So you married people best stop reading now, or you may get yourself into a heap of trouble. I'm not here to negotiate divorce settlements.

So if you have that question you always wanted the answer to, ask away.... I am not your average run of the mill TV doctor.

My answers may be somewhat brutal, but this is the real world.

 

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[Mental Granny]

Dear Dr. do tell where to start ?

 

[spartacus53]

You can start by writing a list of all the qualities that you are looking for in a person. Then you must whittle the list down to the main three things you really need. Finally you throw the list away and ask me a straight forward question

 

[Mental Granny]

OK who to date ?

 

[BigDan]

I have arrived, just in time!

Looks like Spartacus was about to dilute the talent pool once again! (I don't even know what I meant by that...but I'm butting in!)

First, we need to change the question, "Why do you date", (Sorry Granny)

The question is now, "How do I get a date?" What follows is a sample of young BigDan from the late seventies, and old BigDan from 2005 when in less than a year and one half I went from divorce to marriage! Yes, I could have moved faster but I was in no hurry.

So, Random answers from Young BigDan:

Buy alot of beer and put it in a cooler and drive to a town about 20 miles away or more. First rule of thumb, never hunt in your own backyard. (There's a limit to the catch of ONE...harder to get caught if they are farther apart.)

Drive around alot drinking the beer and yelling at carloads of girls. The beer is cheaper than in a bar, and there aren't fifty other guys trying to talk to the same girl.

Sunday mornings wake up and use Visine to clean out your eyes...take a handful of aspirin and visit a church. Keep a sharp lookout for the young ladies. Always ask them out on weekday dates as the streets are dead on weekdays.

When you end up marrying a girl you met in church expect to get divorced in 23 years. (She's THAT patient)

Old BigDan says:

Forget the bars, forget the driving around, go to church and repent. Do not complain to God about the last 23 years as it was your fault anyway.

Now, are you seriously ready to meet the woman of your dreams? Join Cupid.com, don't bother trying to ask anyone out. Use the profile page to start a daily "diary" (in my case daily diahrea of the mouth is accurate as well.) You will eventually attract several email "fans", if you miss a day...they will hound you to know what is going on.

If you MUST date. Saturday afternoon is perfect for asking as if they are still looking on Cupid, they are certainly free for the night. I considered Saturday afternoons like a hot fishing spot after awhile....I never was skunked.

Watch out for the ladies who approach you. The 27 year old was intriguing to this 45 year old at the time....but I soon figured out it was my job that lured her in...and after the fifth or sixth, "Whatever!", at my jokes....I was ready to move on.

Eventually, as you strike up interesting conversations...date based on the conversations. ONE lady at a time. The spark WILL hit with one of them.

Then, grab and fight for your life to land her! And when you....don't forget she can still wiggle out, never stop fighting to keep her...ever.

 

[Mental Granny]

No apolgizies nessary! Sounds like some good advice !

 

[spartacus53]

Honestly?? Look first for someone you find very attractive for starters.. Look at these websites like Harmony that are forever running TV adds, and sending you e-mails. They want to base the relationship on things deeper than a physical connection. That sounds good on paper, but it won't fly in the real world.

If there is no "chemistry" when you see a person, your chances of learning their inner qualities is nil and that is a good thing... (I'll come back to this) Although people hate to admit it, we are all for the most part shallow. I'll be the first to admit that and I have challenged others giving them on the spot examples. Here is a true example: I was talking with some women about dating in general and I said the first thing I look for someone attractive. She said I was shallow. Without losing a beat I saw an overweight frumpy looking guy at the bar and I pointed him out to her. I asked, "How would you like him for a boyfriend"? She immediately said no, and I told here welcome to the shallow end of the pool. "Chemistry is #1 and don't forget it.

Now as for the inner qualities, we normally seek someone with the same values and goals that we have. It takes time to get to know these values and answering a questionnaire isn't always accurate. The person may be thinking, "What does this person want to hear"? and they reply in that vain. Even if they are 100% honest and you're not physically attracted to them, your eye will wonder and the rest of you will soon follow.

 

[Mental Granny]

I won't pay any place to find a date! And your right if something doesn't catch the eye you wont ask any more questions. Talking to people on line or a phone you might like them but be totaly turned off at sight I've seen it happen to a lady I use to work with. When I first met Jeff his eyes an then smile got me right off!

 

[BigDan]

Interesting. I've always believed that beauty was skin deep. While I will frankly admit that I would not be attracted to someone who's appearance was unkempt, or unhealthy, I've never had a problem spending time socially with a woman who might be considered....I don't know the right way to say it, a five on a scale of ten? (That's really a mean sounding way...I know)

I've never had an affair in my life...my eye has never wandered for more than a moment. My first marriage was shear determination (priestly, if one gets my meaning) to never break a vow. My second, a total reward that I could confidentally earn the trust of someone who had seen that trust destroyed before....a smart woman who could have read through me if I'd have been less than honest about anything that could have exposed me as a "cheater".

To be blunt, and this might be going too far for this forum but I'll try to keep it clean. My "experiences" when I was single, while stunningly fun at the time, were simply barefoot primitive dances on rocks in the dark compared to the ever evolving waltz of two partners who know each other. The trick, I believe, is to always communicate with total honesty about everything....e v e r y t h i n g. And, I've gotta add this...some of my experiences when I was single were with some ladies who physically appeared stunning....and like some dissappointing first round draft picks...once practice started they never made the first team.

I'm learning from reading other thoughts..that not everyone is alike. Me, I find having an intellectual equal a must...and though I'm not Einstein, I still have a few brain cells left from my younger years. I like a partner that can stand by me, and stand up to me....just not knock me down. I like an attitude....Mae West still trips my trigger. (Well, the movies....she's dead, that leaves her out.)

So, people are just different. The ones that slay me are guys who are 6's, that won't accept less than a 9...and wonder why they are lonely.

 

[spartacus53]

So, people are just different. The ones that slay me are guys who are 6's, that won't accept less than a 9...and wonder why they are lonely.

Yes, beauty is only skin deep and ugly is to the bone. You still need that fire and thank god everyone doesn't have the same taste. What I find appealing you may find ugly, etc... I agree with 99% of what you said, but I will take difference with the statement above to a degree. I say they are not lonely, they just don't settle.

You already know the difference between men and women like most people. Men base a relationship mainly on the physical level, the women on the emotional level. That being said a 4-5 man has no problem in meeting a 9-10 if he plays his cards right. The key, and this is my personal key.. A woman will become attached to you quicker if you have the following qualities in your personality
1- Confidence
2- Humor

People have different traits that make up their character on the whole. I have spent a good deal of my time working to hone my skills in the above mentioned 2 areas. There is never a situation I am in with people to make me "feel" outside my "comfort zone". Also, unlike a "good" majority of men, I have no qualms walking up to any women and immediately striking up a conversation. I don't have, or use lines either, as I rely on my wit. Am I like the Royal Canadian Police and always get my women? No, but that never stops me either and I have a good success to failure ratio

Honesty and communication are also big factors. I really have to work on my communication skills, because I am brutally honest When my best friend and I were dating, she would ask me my opinion on her dress. I just told her, "You're not going out in public like that, are you"? Honestly it wasn't even bad, but I know that a different outfit would make her look better.

 

[BigDan]

Sometimes when I read what you think, Spartacus, I think my old friend Patrick isn't dead...and I mean that in a most complimentary way.

Yeah, humor and confidence. I never used pick up lines either...just started talking. In one case while at an amusement park with three friends I grew frustrated at their inept attempts to find girls. So I went off on my own until I saw four that looked like my friends would be happy with them. One was sitting on a bench more alone than with the other three. Really pretty eyes. I just made eye contact, sat down, and looked deep in her eyes and leaned in a little, still looking right into her.

We were kissing before we even talked. Next thing you know...we were looking for my friends for the other three girls.

Oh...but I kind of lied about never using lines. The census was going on and driving around we used to tell girls we were with the census bureau and they had to pull over and answer some very important questions. Pat would get downright angry and threaten to arrest them if they wouldn't pull over. Actually, sometimes he'd get in heated verbal arguments and they'd STILL end up pulling over.

 

[Johnnysan]

I ALWAYS go to know-it-alls like Spartacus for advice on love and sex--when I need a good laugh.

 

[Johnnysan]

Have you noticed that 'Spartacus' is responsible for about 1/3 of the postings here?

What is his wife doing while he's banging away at the keyboard?

 

[spartacus53]

I ALWAYS go to know-it-alls like Spartacus for advice on love and sex--when I need a good laugh.

And you should, I forgot more than you'll ever learn

 

[Deepdiger60]

All those tv doc,s are a bunch of quacks i,am 61 and been playing the dating game since i was 15 so i think i understand woman where i work i meet 100,s each month one thing i find is if you have a female who goes out of her way to show any interest in me by just starting a conversation about a product we sell and the funny thing is most are all married mid 30,s early 40,s they give up that they are married by saying my hubby dont like this food but he might like this ? etc. etc. the first thing i do is make direct eye contact and stay that way the eyes tell all ,never ever talk about another woman and most of all do not make smart-ass comments let her do all the talking and listen there is a hidden hint there some where read between the lines ,like i said before i play the game only problem is if i win that is as far as it goes just another chalk mark on my board i been married 34 years and never once betrayed my wife ,looking and talking is allowed but i,am used to it .Always be nice it will get you far best punch line i heard so far was a lady said her hubby had to go over sea,s again for a few months and her PC is broke do i know how to fix a computer ? i guess that would of been a date Dd60

 

[Mental Granny]

Like I said the 1st thing that attracted me to Jeff was his eyes then smile and after that it was his sense of humor. And those with his laugh are what I miss the most then his hugs!
I need my computor fixed but, last time I had it worked on I asked a married man at church took lap top there with his wife an kids there so know one could think anything.
But, to meet anyone you got to go out somewhere to meet them.

 

[spartacus53]

This post is too funny.. I really have to love the reading comprehension skills .. I would also suggest using a dictionary and looking up the word "lampoon". I really love the education system we have working in this country today. it's no wonder why we are in the mess we are today

 

[spartacus53]

best punch line i heard so far was a lady said her hubby had to go over sea,s again for a few months and her PC is broke do i know how to fix a computer ? i guess that would of been a date Dd60

Sorry, but I believe you have misinterpreted the message she sent you, this was not for a date as you have believed. This is what I have categorized as the STR, more commonly know as the "Short Term Relationship". Sometimes it's easy to get these signals crossed and that is why I am here

 

[Dano Sverige]

Have you noticed that 'Spartacus' is responsible for about 1/3 of the postings here?

What is his wife doing while he's banging away at the keyboard?

His wife's a roofer. She's been fitting new roof tiles since june.She likes him right where he is,and not disturbing her. The other 2/3 of the time is when he makes her coffee and a sandwich,feeds the cat, and polishes the Gerbil, and then he's back here entertaining the masses! It's a full time job.

You see BigDan mate? MrJohnny here is a prime example of the kind of American that sets me off on a "ha! let's make this clown look a fool" trip! No sense of humour, no intelligence, no respect, nothing of any significance to say so has to assault others with more class for no reasons at all. He feels small and unnoticed and jealousy has set in,so he feels he has to make a snide comment or two and fantasizes that other people are sniggering along with him. Basically he's a wanker! Hate 'em.

 

[spartacus53]

Oh...but I kind of lied about never using lines. The census was going on and driving around we used to tell girls we were with the census bureau and they had to pull over and answer some very important questions.

Again, that is not a line, but a ploy If you can't think on your feet like you guys did, you would get no where..

As for lines, the only lines would be punchlines.. I love to think on my feet and come up with interesting stories, then lay down a snappy line. I am lucky to never have been slapped is all I can say Trust me, I really push the envelope I might share one of my many crowning jewels later.. I am in the process of having it copyrighted