Mental illness...way off-topic

[DizzyDigger]

Howdy Mike,

Played the "strain game" for awhile myself, and finally had to develop/breed
one that had all the right properties. It can stop a full-blown vertigo attack,
and the side effects are nil in comparison to taking Klonopin/Valium. In your case,
you've certainly made the effort with the med's, etc. and I fully understand the
challenges that go with it all. There are several breeders who've been developing
a strain that is virtually THC free, but contains very high levels of CBD's, which are
the most medicinal parts of the plant. They've developed it by the request of parents
of children with severe epilepsy and autism.

Ahhhhh..mothers-in-law...don't ya just love 'em? Mike, I've been married 4 times (finally
got it right 12 years ago..lol), and I've dealt with 4 M-I-L's as well, and in 2 cases
there came a point where I had to set them [politely] straight. I simply told them that
what they might think is of absolutely no relevance at all, as XXXXXX and I live our lives
as WE SEE FIT, and it's not up to her how we choose to go about it. If she's at my home
and starts in with the negative comments, I remind her to keep her opinions to herself,
and that she's free to leave anytime she wishes. If she wants to argue about it, I would
tell her that it's simply not open for discussion, and would change the subject to something
more pleasant.

Also, what she thinks she knows about the Bible doesn't mean squat. Your relationship
with God is between you and God. It's your life, and you live it the way you choose, not
her. Suicide is no answer though, as it does seem reasonable that if God wanted to take
you home, He would, and you showing up there years and years too early might not be
appreciated.

It's a tough situation, no doubt, and I can understand where you're coming from. I
also detest conflict, and over the years have learned how to manage situations in order
to avoid it. Wise man once said "Ya get a more harmonious outcome that way." He was
right, too, as once those mil's got to know and respect me we all got along great....at
least until the divorce papers were filed..lol

Mike, life is meant to be LIVED..each and every day. Sometimes we have to overcome
some real challenges along the way, but in reality that is all part of the the adventure.

Look for the good in things, and paraphrasing the ancient words of Quintus Horatius Flaccus;

Remember to Carpe' yer Diem each and every day..

 

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[hvacker]

My Mother-in-law in one of my incarnations suffered from schizophrenia. Unlike you she was paranoid and delusional. She could be helped with electro shock therapy. I know many people don't understand the method and there is a lot of misinformation about it. I just know it gave her peace for a time. The effect does wear off after awhile but slowly.
I don't know what the practice is today regarding the therapy as this was 30 years ago.

 

[BC1969]

Been there done that, the shock therapy in the early 80's at clinton valley center/ fairlawn center complex specifically...half of the time I think thats what really screwed me up, I could handle most of what I deal with, but no longer being able to tell the difference between whats real and whats not, makes it rather difficult to survive, living your life is what most folks do, I am merely surviving.
but I appreciate the thought.

Mike

 

[worldtalker]

Mike,

There are 2 places in which to live,your mind or reality,wherein the mind you can believe what you feel,reality is harsh,follow your conscience,which is infallible,your BEST FRIEND,don't know how to say it better,face the pain of TRUTH. God Bless you and your Family

Chris

 

[BC1969]

Id like to Chris, thing is I do not know which thoughts are my own, I feel like a person looking at myself, like in thrid person view in a video game, I no longer have any recongnition of whats in my head, as for my conscience, which one ? my wife tells me in the course of any given day I am 4 different people, the whispers are what make me really scared, I have read hundreds of books on psychosis and psychiatry, all talk about people hearing plainly voices, I do not hear voices, I hear what I describe, as whispers, almost like suggestions, it drives my wife crazy sometimes, I'll be like what did you just say..I did not say anything...bleh its maddening.

And while I appreciate everybodys suggestions on seeking help, well thats tricky, seeing as though I have very little money, and they have long closed all the state run mental hospitals, because somebody with money did not want to pay to help poor folks out, just last week at my local community mental health services building, I asked a very long time employee what they thought of the hospitals being closed down years ago, she said well saddly without meds, most of them have died or commited suicide, alot of them are tucked away in private prisons, which she said is why they closed the hospitals, so somebody with a privately owned prison could make a buck off the lives of the mentally ill, as it turned out the tax payers never got any break from closing the hospitals, then there are the ones like myself, do I feel I should be in a hospital somewhere ? absolutely, and there are private hospitals, but only for the very well to do folks.
Oh and the community mental health places are run by goverment, awhile back they prescribed me two new meds, mind you these are real doctors so they say, but if I had taken those two meds together as prescribed, I would not be typing this right now, the two combined cause a fatal reaction, guess they were banking on the fact that I have no money, so I would use the in-house pharmacy, were I highly doubt anybody would have said..umm you cannot take those together, but I went to a pharmacy near my home since they were very cheap meds, it was that pharmacist that told me id be dead if I took that, so I guess thats the way it is now, instead of treating the ill poor people, just kill em instead...I may be extremely paranoid, but I am not stupid.

Mike

 

[Red James Cash]

instead of treating the ill poor people, just kill em instead.

In a nutshell,you are correct

 

[BC1969]

In a nutshell,you are correct

hah that choice of a word actually made me laugh this mornin...appreciate it.
Mike

 

[Rebel - KGC]

hah that choice of a word actually made me laugh this mornin...appreciate it.
Mike

The FACT the YOU have a sense of humor is a GREAT start... BEST OF LUCK!

 

[TheRingFinder]

Hey BC - I truly feel for you brother, I don't know why you have to go through this; and I wish I had the answers to stop your pain. Always know that there are true Christians out here praying for you and those (like your mother-in-law) are NOT true Christians.........many people in this life say they are, though they don't follow the Bible <-- another deception of Satan/Evil. Please don't use MMJ, it is a fact that mary jane promotes paranoia. Stay strong, pray, write what's happening in your life in this forum - There are people out here who care!!!!!! Also, GET OUT AND DETECT!!!!!!

 

[highnam]

Hey Mike it's good to see people reaching out for help. I wanted to share my experience with you. Nine years ago I quit drinking, I know this isn't your issue, but it was a disease that effected me mentally and physically. I had to change what my mind/body was used to receiving everyday. The first year was uncomfortable to say the least, but in that first year I found some things that helped me tremendously. I got a dog that year and started going on walks. I had bought two books at a garage sale that I took with me, I had a "Trees, shrubs, & flowers to know in Washington State" and a "Birds of Washington State". I would try and identify at least 10 plants and 5 birds on every trip. I started taking cuttings and pressing them in my book until I got home and to put them in a press book. I found the exercise to beneficial to both mind/body and you even have a chance at finding an arrowhead or a antler shed! A bird feeder at your home will start bringing in some different birds at different times of the year. I guess the more I learned about my surroundings the more comfortable I felt in them, plants and animals are so consistent and so much more a part of us than we even know. Leave the metal detector at home for a while, but still keep an eye out for potential md hotspots!

 

[Nickleanddime]

Yup and these are the people buying the guns and CCW permits.

 

[Rebel - KGC]

Hey Mike it's good to see people reaching out for help. I wanted to share my experience with you. Nine years ago I quit drinking, I know this isn't your issue, but it was a disease that effected me mentally and physically. I had to change what my mind/body was used to receiving everyday. The first year was uncomfortable to say the least, but in that first year I found some things that helped me tremendously. I got a dog that year and started going on walks. I had bought two books at a garage sale that I took with me, I had a "Trees, shrubs, & flowers to know in Washington State" and a "Birds of Washington State". I would try and identify at least 10 plants and 5 birds on every trip. I started taking cuttings and pressing them in my book until I got home and to put them in a press book. I found the exercise to beneficial to both mind/body and you even have a chance at finding an arrowhead or a antler shed! A bird feeder at your home will start bringing in some different birds at different times of the year. I guess the more I learned about my surroundings the more comfortable I felt in them, plants and animals are so consistent and so much more a part of us than we even know. Leave the metal detector at home for a while, but still keep an eye out for potential md hotspots!

I have to agree with you; getting the "focus" off of your "problem"... doing "walk-abouts", keeping the STRESS down, getting into POSITIVE/LIFE-AFFIRMING activities may help. NOTICE this, tho... YOU may have to "do the change", ALONE!

 

[BC1969]

I wish there was live chat here, I really need somebody to talk to, having really bad stupid thoughts

 

[pat-tekker-cat]

You know, a real wise man once said, "You can't help if a bird lands on your head, but you can help whether it builds a nest in your hair or not".
Basically, it's instructions and insight into our mind and thoughts. Thoughts come and go, because we are after all human, and we can't help but to think, BUT, some thoughts, you do not want to entertain and allow to dwell and manifest.
Shoo them type thoughts right away, by recognizing, they are not going to serve you in a healthy way!
Hang in there, and talk online or in private, as you may feel you need and/or can.

 

[BC1969]

I just want the pain to end.
I understand that God puts us through trials and tribulations, but I have to wonder what was it that I did that was so bad to be subjected to this kind of sadness and suffering, when will it just end, I have really taken all I can take.
I just do not understand it, every time I start to feel better, a mental push hits me and drops me back down into the pit of hell, thats what it feels like.

 

[pat-tekker-cat]

Chemical imbalances in the brain are not fully understood, but many of them are.
This where it is important to address the issues, especially depression with a doctor.
Sometimes, they do have the med's that will work, if nothing more than for the short-term.
By not treating it, I think you already realize, that it can come back, worse than before.

DOCS, help me out here! BC, the most important thing, imho, is that you are aware of what your condition is, and take the positive steps you need to take. I understand your history, in regards to treatment, etc. Just stay on board with us here.
We have all felt down, at some time or another.

 

[Red James Cash]

Wish i could help you buddy.All I can say is keep fighting the good fight.Dont surrender to the B.S.

I understand that God puts us through trials and tribulations, but I have to wonder what was it that I did that was so bad to be subjected to this kind of sadness and suffering, when will it just end, I have really taken all I can take

Look at it like this instead BC,youre not being punished,youre being tested.

 

[DeepseekerADS]

BC, I hadn't followed this thread, never looked before.

A good friend said you are having a rough time tonight, so I'm butting in.

My friend, please keep the faith, and that faith in yourself. Each of us have our times, perhaps not as bad as you are feeling tonight. BC, I highly doubt you have done anything so bad as to be subjected to what you are going through. It is just chemistry, that thing that whops you here and there. Stay with us and don't give up. Me personally, I look my eyes to heaven when this life here on Earth gets so heavy. My faith is very deep, and I always look to Psalms 23 when I am lost.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

And this is always where I turn when my life leaves me lost.....

 

[BC1969]

I am going to go to the ER soon.
That psalms brought me back from the brink of destruction.
I really appreciate the kind folks that have listened to my issues, though I feel bad in that I do not want to drag others into my depression.
That psalms reminded me of my favorite poem, which I will paste below, then I better go.

Footprints in the Sand


One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

 

[Crispin]

In the event you did not go to the hospital...

You do not believe that you have a mental illness. The very nature of the illness you have does not allow you to have insight into this. Thus, your life is constantly in a state of misery because you think the whole world is crazy and you are the normal one. You are not a freak of nature, you have a chemical imbalance...a genetic disease. It is no more your fault having this disease then it is somebody who has high blood pressure or diabetes. I could theoretically stick a needle in your brain, draw off the fluids, and show you the chemical imbalance; however, it would probably kill you. It is easy to do a finger stick and show a diabetic their sugar is high. It is easy to put a blood pressure cuff on and show somebody they are hypertensive. This is why their is a HUGE stigma against mental illness. A lot of people who don't believe mental illness exists have posted around here before. Don't fail into the trap.

You have three choices before you:
1. Let the mental illness kill you.
2. Decide to listen to doctors.
3. Become miserable enough that you have no other option but to get treatment.

You are truly suffering. Apparently, you have not suffered enough. When you have suffered enough you will find a psychiatrist you can trust and get treatment. The choice is yours. I recommend you get your competency restored and get treatment. Zyprexa is the best medicine on the market for what you have. Abilify has the least side effects. Risperdal and seroquel can also be effective but side effects and efficacy vary.

You have all the control,
Crispin