MOVING........OMG!

[bigscoop]

My mother & father have been in the same house for 22 years now, their old house was directly across the street, so you might as well say that they have been here since 75, their home before that was only 10 miles away. Now I'll be moving them and myself to Florida all at the same time and I only have about 30 - 40 days before the move..........................OMG! I've never seen so much stuff! And the worst part, mom & dad are really attached to a lot of this........"Stuff".

 

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[The Beep Goes On]

I feel for you guys...it's a pain. This site rates it as a 20 out of a possible 100 regarding stress level (I always thought it was much higher, and I think it can be)...

http://www.cliving.org/lifestresstestscore.htm

 

[bigscoop]

I feel for you guys...it's a pain. This site rates it as a 20 out of a possible 100 regarding stress level (I always thought it was much higher, and I think it can be)...

http://www.cliving.org/lifestresstestscore.htm

Moving isn't the worst part, in fact I'm actually looking forward to that part. The problem is this, mom and dad are both 83 and this move is one of those...."it's time for a smaller, single story home in a retirement community" moves. So to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with here we go:

There is roughly 170 square feet of closet space in the home they have now, you can't get anything else in these closets. The rafters above the garage are full of packed boxes and totes.......neither one of them can remember what's in them but, "by god, they're going! We,ve had them for years!" There is a 20 foot extension ladder at the side of the house and dad says, "Sure I'm taking it, might need it down there someday!" They're moving into a one story prefabbed home, in a retirement community. Mom still has all of her children's baby outfits, and blankets, I'm the youngest, I'm 52 now. I think mother has kept everything she has ever owned! Box after box after box, crammed closets, crammed drawers, a garage that's full of everything under the sun! How do you finally get them to understand and to part with this stuff they will never use again and have not used in years & years & years? As it stands right now, they're both about to kick my a*s!

 

[Noodle]

Voice of Experience: Move everything they won't part with, and burn it 12 months later. It works. What folks feel sooooo attached to is true; let them move it. Later, when it's half-rotten, they'll part with it.

Noodle

 

[Chug And Red]

Your in trouble there Good Luck!!! Chug

 

[bigscoop]

Voice of Experience: Move everything they won't part with, and burn it 12 months later. It works. What folks feel sooooo attached to is true; let them move it. Later, when it's half-rotten, they'll part with it.

Noodle

There's just no room down there, not even close. Carport instead of a garage, a house that's half the size, half the closet space, a "yardett" instead of a yard.

 

[Noodle]

What's your folks' frame of mind? What do they want to do? What are they... willing... to do?

 

[bigscoop]

What's your folks' frame of mind? What do they want to do? What are they... willing... to do?

Here's the situation with that. Dad has advancing dementia, mom is having problems getting around. Mom wants to move, she's excited and very positive about moving into their new home, she understands and knows it's time and she would leave in the morning. However, dad wants to stay right where he's at but he's agreed to the move because mom want's to go, or as she tells him, "We're going! Period! I've already bought the house!" Sometimes I wonder how they made it through 61 years of marriage?

 

[Dano Sverige]

step 1/ Get your wife to take them shopping or to church,whatever.
step 2/ Discreetly drop a lit match!
step 3/ In case of neighbours who may phone the fire dept...borrow a flamethrower!
step 4/ Blame dad for leaving toaster,powerdrill etc plugged in!
step 5/ Move to Florida without looking like Bon Jovi and all their stage equipment trucks rolling into town!

 

[trikikiwi]

All joking aside - You need to step in and maybe take some control of major decision making.
If Dad is moving towards dementia, he is going to require ever increasing care. Moving him into a new situation will likely disorient him, however, a smaller property is not a silly move, as long as they are close to help if and when needed.
Speaking from experience.
Mike

 

[bigscoop]

All joking aside - You need to step in and maybe take some control of major decision making.
If Dad is moving towards dementia, he is going to require ever increasing care. Moving him into a new situation will likely disorient him, however, a smaller property is not a silly move, as long as they are close to help if and when needed.
Speaking from experience.
Mike

I "have" to go with them, been here three years already getting them healthy again, taking care of the place, etc. This move will put them one block from my sister's so I'll finally have some help (and some breaks) and they'll have access to more family support. The major decision making thing is everyday, but for some reason "their stuff" is their main focus in life now, very difficult to handle without risking putting "too much" stress on them. As you probably already know, and as I have learned the hard way, this is really something that every family should plan for because if not it can be a major life altering affair for everyone. I simply walked into it one weekend, had no real idea there was even a problem until I spent a few nights with them. A few days later they were both in the hospital and I've been here ever since.

 

[AU24K]

Maybe seperate the smallest, most precious things that WILL make the move. Then consult antique collectors/buyers and get an idea of things of monetary value. Then have an auction. What doesn't sell, donate to Goodwill and get a tax receipt. What won't sell or can be donated, to the landfill.

Best Wishes,
Scott

 

[TheRandyMan]

Their "stuff" is important to them as it ties them to their past. With dementia, individuals can often tell you about events that happened 30 or 40 years ago but can not remember what they had for lunch 15 minutes earlier. I would recommend gently attempting to sort out some of the easily agreed on items but maybe getting them to agree to move the "must keep" items into a local storage building for "temporary safekeeping" until you can "locate a better place for them" down at the new place as they know its a smaller house with less storage space. This will sound reasonable and in a short time, after the move is completed, you will probably never hear about it again from them. Out of sight will become out of mind. As long as they have everything that they are used to using regularly in their local environs easily seen and used, the things they never saw or used that were in storage will not be remembered.

I have seen this technique work many times for many families.

 

[wayne_sa]

Bigscoop, I feel for you. My Mother-in-law kept everything as well. Hers was "kept" in a garage that was roughly 20x45. That doesn't sound too bad, but much of it was in boxes stacked to the rafters. My wife spent months going thru it all.
There was some treasure mixed in; aside from a few nice furniture pieces, all the real treasure fit nicely in a banana box.
My MIL was morose as my wife began sorting her stuff, but she realized she couldn't move it into her assisted-living center.
By the 2nd day, however, she became animated as she saw items that had been hidden away 40 years!
My wife was firm with her Mom and it was, for them, the right thing.
In your circumstances, I would rent 2 trucks and take half to a dump and half (the good half) to a mini-storage.
The important thing is that we learned not to do that to our kids.
Good luck and HH.

 

[dpitt8]

pack up the essentials first that they will definitely use most often (clothes, housewares, etc.)
find out what if anything will be provided at their new home
as far as things like the baby clothes you mentioned, find out exactly why they are being kept....in the case of clothes convince your mom that there are others that can make better use of them like low income and homeless people...make her feel like she is helping others by donating them....

Whatever cannot be decided on by the deadline rent a moving truck and a storage unit then go through it with your sister when you get there.

 

[trikikiwi]

All joking aside - You need to step in and maybe take some control of major decision making.
If Dad is moving towards dementia, he is going to require ever increasing care. Moving him into a new situation will likely disorient him, however, a smaller property is not a silly move, as long as they are close to help if and when needed.
Speaking from experience.
Mike

I "have" to go with them, been here three years already getting them healthy again, taking care of the place, etc. This move will put them one block from my sister's so I'll finally have some help (and some breaks) and they'll have access to more family support. The major decision making thing is everyday, but for some reason "their stuff" is their main focus in life now, very difficult to handle without risking putting "too much" stress on them. As you probably already know, and as I have learned the hard way, this is really something that every family should plan for because if not it can be a major life altering affair for everyone. I simply walked into it one weekend, had no real idea there was even a problem until I spent a few nights with them. A few days later they were both in the hospital and I've been here ever since.

Good on you Mate
You are a credit to your parents.
Cheers, Mike

 

[bigscoop]

I'm adopting the "covert operation" path. Or the, "Out of sight, out of mind" approach. The notion being, if they don't know they have it, they won't miss it. So far so good.