OLD POST REVISED FOR NEWER MEMBERS!

[lonewolfe]

So you wanna be a treasure hunter huh!?

You find your way to this forum (or one like it) one day, and are fascinated by what you're reading... You've dreamt about finding treasure since the days you were a child when hanging out with your friends, and pretending to search for buried pirate treasures... You read more, and more of the stories & look at all the amazing finds posted on the boards... You find yourself thinking about these stories, and pictures and questioning yourself as to if you should buy a detector, and join in the fun...

One day you wake up, and make a decision to buy a metal detector... A few weeks pass, and you make a few good finds as you spend every spare minute you can detecting in places you never thought of going or being in... A few more weeks pass, and you realize that you've now become addicted to finding as much treasure as possible, and you spend hrs upon hrs not only researching, but posting on the forum, and also, ordering & reading old books, maps and newspapers that will give any little clues as to where a treasure may be had... After a few months pass, while a few of your friends continually call asking where you've been, and why you've not been at the regular social events, etc. you then reveal what you've been doing, and you recruit one of them into becoming your treasure hunting buddy... Meanwhile, your wife has been asking when you're going to stop with this ridiculous new hobby that has been consuming your almost every waking moment...

By now, many months, or even a year or more has passed, and you and your treasure hunting pal have been on many adventures in many new areas of your state (and possibly a few others)... You've shared good times, and bad times as some days have been successful while others were total washes... You've both found enough relics, and coins, and other items to just about open a museum... Still more time goes by and one day your buddy calls with the news that his wife is leaving him... She's told him time and time again over the last year or more, that he spends too much time chasing stupid treasure hunting dreams, and or researching places to find things but never enough time with her anymore... You tell your friend that maybe she's just feeling a little left out, and that if he spends some time with her, she'll forget all about it, and everything will pass... 2 weeks later your buddy and you are setting a time to meet for searching a new place you've been researching for months... You pull up, and get out, ask him how's everything, and he then tells you she's gone, she took everything, and isn't coming back... You say you're sorry, and ask if there's anything you can do, but he gives you that look of just forget about it, and says, lets go hunting...

A few weeks later you wake up one morning, and ask yourself "what if it were me, and my wife leaving" and what has my life become?? You think to yourself that maybe you've been spending too much time chasing this dream, and maybe you should slow down before you get the same news one day... 2.5 to 3 yrs have passed since you picked up that 1st detector now, and you look around your living room only to find stacks of mags on treasure hunting, books & maps on researching old sites to hunt, along with several detectors, and accessories... Several times in the last 2 or 3 yrs, you've been late for work after being up 1/2 the night detecting long forgoten properties from long ago, and or have missed several days of work while doing such...

Your friend hasn't called you in weeks, and weeks because he met a new girlfriend, and has since forgotten what a detector is used for... Another year goes by, and you're just about totally oblivious to anything around you outside of anything that relates to detecting and or treasure hunting in some form... You mark spots on maps that you've carried in your car for the last 2 or more years while driving in unknown areas/etc... You scan the roadside as you're driving to/from work or on your way to somewhere with the family, looking for anything to give you any indication of some forgotten old property that may hold a few old coins, relics, etc... You find yourself talking to strangers asking them about history of the town, and or asking them if they will let you detect on their land when only 2 or 3 years ago, you wouldn't have even dreamed of doing anything like this...

The months and years go by, and several detectors have come and gone... You just opened a new box that arrived today with your newest and best detector yet... Your wife (that has now accepted the fact) that you're not going to change, again ask in her sarcastic tone, when/where does it end!? You hit the door running, and off to a new place to test out the newest edition to your arsenal of detectors... Time goes on, and you wake up 10 yrs older than when you 1st began this venture... Your kids have grown, things have changed, people have come & gone... Friends have been made, and some have been lost forever somewhere in this madness and fury of treasure hunting... Divorces have happened, people have moved, you've sold the old house, and purposely bought a larger old Victorian with an acre of prime detecting land to continue with your quest for treasure... Your wife loves the new house, and the new neighborhood, and you love the finds you make on the property... You now wake up one day and realize, "treasure hunting is who your are, it's in your blood, it is part of you, and there's no going back or stopping until the end"!

True story of MY life and how treasure hunting has changed me/it and people within (only the names were left out) and some of the circumstances altered to protect the innocent!

HH

Lonewolfe

 

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[TXKajun]

ACK! Yikes! Eek! I think you just peeked at MY life.....at least how it's been the last few weeks! Oh, save me!!

Hmmmm, wait a minute! Ccome to think of it, a nice Victorian house on an acre or two?? New detectors every now and then? An understanding wife that stands by you and tries to understand you?? Could be worse, no??

Thanks very much for the insights, lonewolfe.

HH, ya'll!

 

[bakergeol]

Thanks for sharing your story Lonewolfe. I honestly do not know if yours is a "good" story or a "bad" story.

Sometimes I miss the passion you still have that I once had for this hobby many decades ago. But still after all these years when that UPS guy gives me a new detector I am just like a kid on Christmas morning.

HH
George

 

[stoney56]

Da## lonewolf, you hit the nail squarely on the head.
The question is would you do it again if you knew the consequences?

 

[lonewolfe]

Thanks for sharing your story Lonewolfe. I honestly do not know if yours is a "good" story or a "bad" story.

Sometimes I miss the passion you still have that I once had for this hobby many decades ago. But still after all these years when that UPS guy gives me a new detector I am just like a kid on Christmas morning.

HH
George

I hear you George,

my "passion" level is not what it once was for this hobby either..

I crunched 25 yrs of doing this hobby into the story above, and made it out to be 10 yrs or so... There are a LOT of things I left out (most being the ugly side to it)...

_________________________________________________

Stoney

Da## lonewolf, you hit the nail squarely on the head.
The question is would you do it again if you knew the consequences?

Myself?? I'd do it again, but, I wouldn't recommend (or try coaxing) my friends or anyone else to follow!!

 

[caratjuice]

I remember reading this post early on in metal detecting endeavors. I didn?t post to it, but it sure made me think. I decided even though I enjoy this hobby and would love to spend more time with it, I would try to balance it out with my other responsibilities. I only spend a few hours a week, well maybe more when you count research and Tnet. But I use to spend way more time in the bars and pubs, and of course hangover time, than I do on this hobby. I wish my wife would join in with me, but I can?t even get her to try it. Oh well it?s her loss. Great story lonewolf, sounds like you went thru some interesting times, but stuck with the hobby you enjoyed.

 

[Born2Dtect]

I guess i am lucky. My wife doesn't hunt but she never complains about me going. She controls my spending but not completely. As far as a good or bad story. I say both. It has to be as detecting is part of our lifes experiences. Without going to deep. Years of detecting will change anyone. You do and learn so much that even the Treasure Hunter may not remember learning certain things. We become history buffs, coin collectors, conservators, we get the gift of gab, do things we would not if not addicted to TH' ing. We are driven to get up early often and go to bed late just to pursue the hobby. Overall we really do enjoy almost every minute of it.

Ed Donovan

 

[stoney56]

When I first started this hobby many years ago, I thought about all the riches that I'd be bringing home. As time wore on, I realized that it wasn't about the riches although they weren't bad either, but about the time spent doing something relaxing and fun. There are some that jump in wholehog and just go and go, buying any accessory they can find, poring over every treasure book that they can get their hands on, looking for that little edge that will finally make them rich and successful. They cast aside many obligations and duties trying to reach that elusive goal that they can get a glimpse of but stays just beyond their reach. Some say the heck with it and go on with their normal lives while others stay on the path they started. Some spouses are happy that you can get out and enjoy a little free time hunting for buried treasure and will even go along once in a while so as to be a part of who they married. Then there are those that don't want to have any part of the hobby in any way, shape, or form. After a while, they may even start to resent the fact that you're having an affair with an old "Bounty Hunter" or some other make and model that graces the cover of the latest treasure magazine that you brought home-"Oops honey, sorry I forgot the milk you sent me after." There are some here that can probably be diagnosed as an obsessive compulsive, myself included. You almost think at times that there should be a warning label on every detector box like cigarettes "Caution---this machine is habit forming and you will spend more on batteries than your spouse's birthday present."
Maybe there should be a trial prescription of Prozac with every detector sold to go with the aspirin that we need after an all day jaunt.
What things have we missed at home while we were out on the back 40 prying clads out of bermuda grass roots or hoping that good fortune was going to shine on us that day? I've always tried to do the right thing homewise but sometimes I just want to get out and yell and go and forget everything else to a point that even a memorial cent looks good. Or maybe I'm just starting to look at this all wrong.
Sorry, now that I've vented a bit I need to go see my mistress---Miss Fisher, she told me the other day that she needs her knobs caressed a bit.

 

[lonewolfe]

When I first started this hobby many years ago, I thought about all the riches that I'd be bringing home. As time wore on, I realized that it wasn't about the riches although they weren't bad either, but about the time spent doing something relaxing and fun. There are some that jump in wholehog and just go and go, buying any accessory they can find, poring over every treasure book that they can get their hands on, looking for that little edge that will finally make them rich and successful. They cast aside many obligations and duties trying to reach that elusive goal that they can get a glimpse of but stays just beyond their reach. Some say the heck with it and go on with their normal lives while others stay on the path they started. Some spouses are happy that you can get out and enjoy a little free time hunting for buried treasure and will even go along once in a while so as to be a part of who they married. Then there are those that don't want to have any part of the hobby in any way, shape, or form. After a while, they may even start to resent the fact that you're having an affair with an old "Bounty Hunter" or some other make and model that graces the cover of the latest treasure magazine that you brought home-"Oops honey, sorry I forgot the milk you sent me after." There are some here that can probably be diagnosed as an obsessive compulsive, myself included. You almost think at times that there should be a warning label on every detector box like cigarettes "Caution---this machine is habit forming and you will spend more on batteries than your spouse's birthday present."
Maybe there should be a trial prescription of Prozac with every detector sold to go with the aspirin that we need after an all day jaunt.
What things have we missed at home while we were out on the back 40 prying clads out of bermuda grass roots or hoping that good fortune was going to shine on us that day? I've always tried to do the right thing homewise but sometimes I just want to get out and yell and go and forget everything else to a point that even a memorial cent looks good. Or maybe I'm just starting to look at this all wrong.
Sorry, now that I've vented a bit I need to go see my mistress---Miss Fisher, she told me the other day that she needs her knobs caressed a bit.

LOL!! True!

We must have the same "mistress" Stoney, my Fisher told me the same thing just a minute ago!

 

[bk]

Yup!

 

[JW]

....A wife that doesn't support her husbands hobbies sounds like a parasite that should get the axe....

Sounds like someone saved their life by shaking a bad marrige with an awesome hobby.

From the gist of it I would rather go detecting than hang out with those wives!

 

[grizzly bare]

JW.
Re-read his post. Thje wife made some relevant points, the MD'er lost sight of what was important. I waited until my wife left me, the kids are pretty much grown, the job takes care of itself, because I have known many MD'ers who have stories like this one. I need my detector because it gets me out of the house, bending, digging, and gets my blood pumping. It's great exercise both mentally and physically. Am I addicted? HELL YES! I spend way too much time on research, TNet, and driving around looking for good spots. I have now spent more on back issues of Lost Treasure and on buying detectors and equipment than I'm planning on spending on the rest of the family for Christmas. My last three hard-back book purchases have been books about the Civil War in my area(Chancellorsville, Brandy Station, Wilderness, Cold Harbor)
The wife wasn't cold, they just grew apart. Every lady I date more than three or four times now, I tell them about my passion for this sport. Actually I met my current Lady Friend while detecting. She doesn't detect, she paints. We go out to parks and other places together, she sets up her easel or gets out her sketchpad and I get out the Ace 250 (Soon to be IDX Pro!)
Most women are not attracted to MD'ing. Look how few are registered on here. So I'm pretty sure that I would say the "fault" if there is a fault anywhere, was mutual.

Boy, do I get windy!

grizzly bare

 

[JW]

I was speaking past the specific post data and refering to the needy character of most women, my ex had an awful habit of over occupying my time wanting to be entertained because she was too depressed to do her own thing.

In a mutually respectful relationship these dysfunctional tendencies are absent, the post above mentioned somenoe who over detected and (i'm assuming) not just because it is fun and great exercise/fresh air etc. but to escape the wife as well. Thus triggering all sorts of jealousy, inadequacy issues (at least he was just off detecting and not sleeping around) One can almost be certain that he was accused of that as well. It is like the wife who leaves her husband because he works too much, she has no issues with spending the money and staying home and not having to work (free ride) but is impatient with how this freedom came to be, do you think the husband likes to work all the time to support a family?!?! So she divorces him, she gets to live on alimony and he has to work even longer each day. Doesn't sound like a good marrige in the first place.

The point is if metal detecting destroys your marrige there wasn't much there to ruin in the first place.

In good marriges hobbies are respected and things your spouse is obsessed with should be a good things and there should be encouragement for them within the marrige, over comodification and obsessions with controlling anothers time/life destroy inadequate( shouldn't have been married in the first place) marriges.

 

[IrishCharlieM]

Hello Lonewolf

I would introduce myself but I see you already know me...lol

 

[epi-hunter]

Not sure about your statement that "most women are not attracted to MD'ing". Or perhaps a better way to put it is this: if I were going to say that, I would have to also say that most men aren't attracted to MD'ing either. But I get your point.

It's an outdoor hobby that involves digging in the dirt, and is akin to hunting in a way --and that does seem mostly like a 'man' thing, so perhaps you're right.

I am a woman. But I am the adventurous type, so maybe that's the difference. I'd much rather MD than, say, go shopping. Or almost anything else I can think of.

I would say that, in my experience, most men have a hobby that they completely 'throw' themselves into. Cars, sports, hunting, fishing, whatever. I don't think MD'ing is different in and of itself. Women tend not to have obsessive hobbies like that. Just my opinion based on my experience...

 

[stoney56]

I guess it's possible for this to apply.

 

[Gabbit]

Gr8 post Lonewolfe. I will say that as a person balance is essential. Metal detecting is my passion, but I do realize that my passion should not rule every minute of my free time. I do give a few minutes to my wife now and then. One piece of advice find something that you and your partner can do together. My wife and I sit in the hot tub almost nightly. We don't do so just because it feels good -- it also gives us time to talk about our day, issues, concernes etc.. A good husband will give time to his wife and a good wife will understand that a persons passion is a big part of who they are.

 

[Narked1]

Good points all, from JW, Epi-Hunter, and Gabbit. I am new to MD'ing here, but that is not the main issue concerning a person's hobbies and how it affects a marraige. The main issue is about how you can have a hobby, job, or interest that you love... and balancing that with your responsibilites to your family I take up a new hobby every few years (racing bicycles in the early 80's until the early 90's, SCUBA and Technical diving, rebuilding old MG's and Triumphs, restoring old wooden boats, photography, surfing, jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, TH'ing and MD'ing of late). Was married for all of this time to a wonderful woman. I was rather obsessive about all of my various hobbies over the years. One of the things that kept my marraige going was finding that balance between what MY duties and responsibilities at home were. I remember having dinner one night with my wife listening talk about her day and how her crocheting was going (her hobby, which I really couldn't see any point in.....but I understood that it was important to her), and thinking that I would rather be out in the garage repairing a ding on a surfboard that I whacked on the pier in Sandbridge that afternoon, or that the carbs on my favorite MG needed a bit of tweaking. Taking the time to listen, communicate, and have appreciation for your partner's needs is a big part of making things work when it comes to hobbies, or anything in life, in general.

In the end, my marraige ended by mutual agreement because I love my job too much to quit and unfortunately it keeps me outside of the States 335 days a year. She tried to come and live with me here, but it just wasn't for her. No alimony, (no kids), and we are still very good friends. A sad and and a happy ending for this phase of my life.

In the end, what is important is that you communicate your needs to your partner and take the time to listen to your partner's needs. Understand each other's wants, desires, and needs.....and keep and open mind. What you may consider important may not be understood by your wife or husband....and vice-versa. Make time to talk to each other.

SHEESH! Just re-read what I typed. I sound like a marraige counselor! Maybe a new hobby?
Great post and thanks for bringing it back Lonewolfe.

 

[lonewolfe]

Good points all, from JW, Epi-Hunter, and Gabbit. I am new to MD'ing here, but that is not the main issue concerning a person's hobbies and how it affects a marraige. The main issue is about how you can have a hobby, job, or interest that you love... and balancing that with your responsibilites to your family I take up a new hobby every few years (racing bicycles in the early 80's until the early 90's, SCUBA and Technical diving, rebuilding old MG's and Triumphs, restoring old wooden boats, photography, surfing, jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, TH'ing and MD'ing of late). Was married for all of this time to a wonderful woman. I was rather obsessive about all of my various hobbies over the years. One of the things that kept my marraige going was finding that balance between what MY duties and responsibilities at home were. I remember having dinner one night with my wife listening talk about her day and how her crocheting was going (her hobby, which I really couldn't see any point in.....but I understood that it was important to her), and thinking that I would rather be out in the garage repairing a ding on a surfboard that I whacked on the pier in Sandbridge that afternoon, or that the carbs on my favorite MG needed a bit of tweaking. Taking the time to listen, communicate, and have appreciation for your partner's needs is a big part of making things work when it comes to hobbies, or anything in life, in general.

In the end, my marraige ended by mutual agreement because I love my job too much to quit and unfortunately it keeps me outside of the States 335 days a year. She tried to come and live with me here, but it just wasn't for her. No alimony, (no kids), and we are still very good friends. A sad and and a happy ending for this phase of my life.

In the end, what is important is that you communicate your needs to your partner and take the time to listen to your partner's needs. Understand each other's wants, desires, and needs.....and keep and open mind. What you may consider important may not be understood by your wife or husband....and vice-versa.? Make time to talk to each other.

SHEESH! Just re-read what I typed. I sound like a marraige counselor! Maybe a new hobby??
Great post and thanks for bringing it back Lonewolfe.

Sounds like something Dr. Phill would write!

Good job though, and 100% accurate too!

HH

Lonewolfe

 

[lonewolfe]

I was speaking past the specific post data and refering to the needy character of most women, my ex had an awful habit of over occupying my time wanting to be entertained because she was too depressed to do her own thing.?

In a mutually respectful relationship these dysfunctional tendencies are absent, the post above mentioned somenoe who over detected and (i'm assuming) not just because it is fun and great exercise/fresh air etc. but to escape the wife as well.? Thus triggering all sorts of jealousy, inadequacy issues (at least he was just off detecting and not sleeping around)? One can almost be certain that he was accused of that as well.? It is like the wife who leaves her husband because he works too much, she has no issues with spending the money and staying home and not having to work (free ride) but is impatient with how this freedom came to be, do you think the husband likes to work all the time to support a family?!?!? So she divorces him, she gets to live on alimony and he has to work even longer each day. Doesn't sound like a good marrige in the first place.

The point is if metal detecting destroys your marrige there wasn't much there to ruin in the first place.

In good marriges hobbies are respected and things your spouse is obsessed with should be a good things and there should be encouragement for them within the marrige, over comodification and obsessions with controlling anothers time/life destroy inadequate( shouldn't have been married in the first place) marriges.

JW,

obviously you're well experienced in the ways of a LOT of "marriages"... The woman that left my friend was "exactly" as you describe, and 1/2 the reason he detected was to get away from the clingy tendency she had, and the "controlling tendency too"... She couldn't stand the fact that he had a hobby (something he had a "passion for") outside of the home, and that didn't involve "her".. It's not like he didn't offer to buy her a detector & get her involved either.. She chose to not get involved yet sat back and "complained" (to put it mildly) about his hobby, and the time spent doing it. Also, tried to dictate when and where & how long, and everything else. She tried to run his life in every aspect, and always wanted herself to be the "only" concern he had. It was totally dysfunctional to see & be involved in (even from a distance) because it made me feel very uncomfortable even just to call his house knowing how she would re-act when hearing my voice on the end of the phone line.. I myself have dated a few women with these same tendencies ("control & insecurity" issues/tendencies) and I am here to tell you,, "forget it", run as FAST as you can from it because it's nothing but a one way street that leads to a dead end!? I wouldn't date/marry someone with these issues/tendencies again "if you PAID me too"!

I know what my responsibilities are (at work, in home, in a marriage, etc.) and I myself was divorced 5+ yrs ago (and not because of my hobby/s or lack in responsibilties, etc.) but anyway, in a respectful, truly caring, non co-dependant and un-obsessive relationship/marriage (which all should be), there isn't any issues as to one person trying to totally consume & control the other persons every waking/spendable moments, and there is support in/of the other persons hobbies, interest, etc. This is what their marriage lacked, and what she was like during their short 3 yrs of being married... She wanted his 100% undevided attention 24/7 and to try & control his every move and basically drove him "nuts" to the point that he chose to rather be doing anything else than spending time with her, which at the same rate, caused her to leave! (And if you're reading into this as I think you may,, she drove her own self to leave)!

I know many people that are in these types of marriages, and I just sit back and laugh because they actually think it's OK, and that it's normal. Most of them are a "younger" generation than myself (mainly people in their 20s and 30s) with very little experience/understanding of what & how a true relationship/marriage should be, but, none the less, it's all just total dysfunctional obsessive controlling blinded by ignorance "crap" to me, and I wouldn't have any part of it or stand for any of it no matter what anyone says or no matter who may disagree! Life's too short to waste on BS and with someone that refuses to understand/support you in your life, work, hobbies, etc. and or that tries to control you into being someone you're not or to give up who you are & the things you love just to be with them!

Where's that axe!?