Actual headlines of 2004

[Chug And Red]

actual]
HEADLINES OF 2004:

Crack Found on
Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]









Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]









Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]




Is There a
Ring of Debris
around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]







Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]






Miners Refuse
to Work
after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]






Juvenile Court to
Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]







War Dims Hope
for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]







[FONT=Times

N
ew Roman]If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile[/FONT]
[you think?!]







Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]








Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]








Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]









Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]









New Study of Obesity
Looks for Larger
Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]









Astronaut Takes
Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]









Kids Make
Nutritious
Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]









Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]








Hospitals are Sued
by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]








And the winner is....








Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Red

 

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