Getting Old ??

[USTiger]

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops
of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise
to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me.'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like
to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of
water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy
you one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two
drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says,
'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of
water?'
The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to
hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
And make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
On your new alligator shoes
And you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy
And your pacemaker opens the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less
Pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes,
Just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the
doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action'
Means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car
In the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
To use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure these are jokes?

 

[stefen]

Old is when you remember these jokes when you were kicking the slats out of your cradle