Ready for an olive oil story? Well, I'm going to tell it anyway.
When I was stationed in Lubbock , Texas in the Air Force I was a strapping 19 year old and one of the World's greatest lovers.. a legend in my own mind....I had a date with a very attractive girl that I had been cultivating a relationship with for several months. She finally consented to go out with me which was probably a mistake on her part, so she was indeed flawed even though I couldn't see it. Anyway, I was getting dressed and ran out of hair tonic. Hair tonic is that greasy kid stuff all the guys use to wear to slick their hair down, for you youngsters who probably never even heard of it. It was Wild Root Cream Oil or something as silly sounding I'm sure. Back to the story. I ran out of it and had a small bottle of olive oil for who knows whatever reason. I don't have a clue what I was doing with a bottle of olive oil, but I came by it honestly, I think. So, I took note that it was kinda' oily and didn't have an odor , so I thought why not, and proceeded to rub it sparingly into my hair. Wow, it worked great! All my split ends and cowlicks laid down as slick as a whistle and I admired my handsome self in the mirror. Well, it was summer time and very hot that night and finally I got that little sweet thing alone at the local lovers lane. After a few moments of grappling, fondling and passionate kissing, she suddenly recovered her senses and went cold as a cucumber, scooting all the way over to the far side of the car. She asked me to take her home and although disappointed I supposed I was doing OK and it was those darn mosquito's buzzing about our heads that made her uncomfortable. So, I took her home, got a sister-like peck on the cheek and was never able to get a date with her again.
So I drove back to the barracks that night dismayed at what I had done wrong, knowing that I was the world's greatest lover and a legend in my own mind, as I have said before. And those darn mosquito's were bad everywhere tonight, even at the barracks when I got back. I went into the day room to watch TV as it was still early and after a while one of the guys remarked about what was that terrible smell? And those darn mosquito's were bad, swirling around my head even inside. Finally one of the guys asked me why those flies were buzzing around my head? Flies? I thought they were mosquito's! So I went to the bathroom to see what was going on and on passing several of the guys in the hallway, the wrinkled up their noses and shied away from me. To bring this story to some kind of end as it is getting too long.....I discovered that the olive oil had turned rancid in the heat and the flies were trying to make a meal of my hair. It happend so gradually over the evening that I couldn't smell it. But everyone else could! That poor girl, she must have thought I smelled like a wart hog and I did I guess. So even though you may be the worlds greatest lover and a legend in your own mind, never put olive oil on your hair when it's over 80 degrees. It really puts a kink in your love life that's for sure!
Monty
