Im noticing a common trend among folks here.

[Wyomingmedic]

I'm noticing a common trend among folks here.

Being new to this site, maybe the situation is a little more common than I would think. It is the problem people seem to have with either talking to strangers or detecting in public for fear of embarrassment.

Maybe by telling my story (briefly), folks will realize that they have nothing to fear.

I am 30 years old. I was born the only child onto a remote pile of mud and rock in the Wyoming outback. My life was filled with driving tractors, hunting, hiking, 4 wheelers, and other country boy pursuits. A pocket of .22 shells, fuel in the wheeler and I could vanish for days.

Suffice it to say, I had better luck talking to livestock than any people. Probably because there weren't other people except for dad. And he is one of those, "Children are best seen and not heard" kind of guys.

After 15 years of living like that, we sold everything and moved to town. HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! There are people everywhere. Biggest town in Wyoming (at the time, 40K people) was like getting kicked in the head. I had a touch of the social anxiety and really struggled to fit in. No friends (didn't want any anyway), no city hobbies. Suffice it to say, I was embarrassed and worried about how I was perceived by others. Kinda like the fears that are exhibited on the forums here.

After some time of these problems, I started to develop some very bizarre OCD habits. I would wash my hands until the skin cracked and fell off. I would only eat portions of french fries and throw the other parts away. I would change my clothing dozens of times a day. I was a real mess.

I finally just got tired of it. Coming from generations of ranching family (first to live in a city), I could not believe that I had become some odd form of slave to peer pressure. I simply stopped. I put back on my boots and hat and simply quit with the OCD stuff.

Fast forward to now. I simply do not care how I am perceived by others. I wear whatever I want, say whatever I want, and refuse to ever feel like I'm somehow inferior for who I am. I gladly stick my ass in the air while I dig in the center of the biggest park in town. All while wearing my canvas shirt that looks like a circus tent, big hat, rotten boots, and busted teeth. I did 12 years as a career firefighter/paramedic and a brief time as a police officer until I suffered a back injury.

I'm also the nicest guy you will meet. I will talk to anybody about anything. But bullies and detractors are met with a swiftly sharp tongue and the muscle to back it up. I am a formidable figure who very few mess with physically.

If I could sum this rambling diatribe up, it would be just a few key points.

1. Who cares. After scraping so many people up off the highways and seeing how fragile life is, most everything else is small potatoes. It simply does not matter.

2. Be yourself at all cost. I have a buddy who is gay (imagine that, cowboy with a gay buddy) and my wife has a number of gay friends. They all get very militant and talk about how they must be true to themselves, to hell with everybody else. They all say that the happiest time in their lives were when they just let it all hang out and act how they wanted. No different for those who are quirky/nerdy/geeky/goofy/introverted or whatever. Let your own flag fly and just live it.

3. Get good a verbal judo. Nothing fights fire quite like fire. If somebody comes after you with their words, don't take it. Best them in verbal combat. The idea of "just ignore them and they will go away" is crap. They won't go away, they will just get worse. Turn it around on them and violate their mind.


It worked for me. I wish ya'll the very best. If I can do it, you can.

WM

 

Amazon Forum Fav 👍

A Handbook of Civil War Bullets and Cartridges - Grab it through Amazon!

[Jay In NewKen]

Great post WM. I'm a thirty something myself (36) and have been relatively shy as far back as I can remember. When I got into my thirty's I realized I could care less what people think. I now enjoy striking up conversation with people and don't think much of nay-sayers though must people I've met have been fairly receptive to MD'ing abet curious. Now, I'm far from a door-knocker, but will approach people and ask permission or just local history. Older folk love telling stories which I enjoy listening too. HH

Jay

 

[olfacere]

I think I went through a similar growing-up kind of experience, though we come from completely different places. I'll be turning 30 this year. After my mid-20's, I noticed that I started to adopt my dad's I'm-awesome-who-cares-what-you-think attitude to counter the anxiety from my teens. At this point, cops are the only people who can make me feel apprehensive about detecting. If they would give you the chance to make a case, then it's possible, but they don't really care about your case. I've always lived in a city (population about 200,000 or so) and city cops usually care very little. Perhaps as human beings they care about things, but once a city cop gets called to "take care of something," even if the complaint is silly and it's obvious that no damage is done, they will still make you leave and back-talking will only get you arrested. The cops do have the authority to tell you to leave and they are not obligated to care about the fact that their behaviour is authoritarian.

Ordering me to leave a public place because one person didn't like me (and it could just be some by-stander, not a park authority) is over the line, but they don't see it that way and neither does any judge. The fact that someone may exploit the system, waste police time, waste tax-payer money, and all for the sake of squashing my legitimate right to share a public space does not come back on that complainer. In fact, they don't have to tell you who the complainer is. It all falls on the detectorist, even when he does nothing wrong. I'm not guaranteed the ability to defend my rights. The cops don't have time for that. They just have to finish this call so they can get back to whatever they were doing before. Meeting the expectations of the system is more important than any real justice for any real person.

In the USA (land of the free?) you are guaranteed to face your accuser and make a case to defend yourself only in a courtroom, weeks or months after you've been arrested and gone to jail for doing nothing more than refusing to leave a public place when a cop orders you to do so (and you won't win). It's obvious that cops need a certain amount of discretion, but shouldn't they also have the responsibility to know when some wingnut is just wasting everybody's time and money? It seems self-evident that we've become a society that expects everyone to be victims and not complain about it (except for the first one who complains). The old way of looking at things is only respected if you're an old person and sometimes not even then.

 

[GMD52]

Bravo!

I'm 61, thinking I'm 31, and like you am not influenced by what others say or do. My background mirrors yours, and I became a forester cause I really rather being out in the woods. I'm not anti-social, but don't crowd my personal space. I really thieve on being independent, and while always willing to help anyone who needs it, I want to be left alone with my thaughts and projects. It's nice to be associated with other like minded people.

 

[Coureur de Bios]

Not a door knocker either although it could prove to be quite productive if it were done. Always felt it would be something of an intrusion, kinda like a salesman disturbing someone's day of possible leisure. The city in and around which I've spent the majority of my 70-plus years, at one time during the 19th century lumbering years boasted the most millionaires per capita than any city in the country. Although a whole bunch of it burned to the ground in 1871, a lot of the old and rebuilt residences still represent many of the city's structures. When passing these, I see only fertile fields, but still hesitate to bother the occupants.

Did catch the owner of one of these old Victorian mansions and secured permission to detect the grounds. Anxiously approached the prospect with visions of Barbers and seated silver. After all, didn't these rich folks entertain with lawn parties for other well to do friends, all arriving in extravagant, horse-drawn carriages? Well it seems, at least at that particular residence, that those rich folks kept a pretty tight grip on their loose change. Other than a few wheaties from a 1950s resident, the only older coinage found was a couple 1920s vintage Mexican coins, of all things here in the north woods.

Prefer to search remote and wooded sites such as isolated campsites used by summer campers and deer hunters. Only find mostly modern stuff, but have hit upon a few that also saw much earlier activity. One such produced over fifty Indianhead cents as well as a couple dimes (one Barber and one seated), a seated quarter too warn to see a date, and, as I recall, one V nickel. Strangely, one penny with a slightly visible date of 1895 had been flattened, as if on a railroad track. Quite possibly by one of the logging trains that were used in these woods.

We have quite a few small, inland lakes and, if an old swimming beach can be found, I've had some happy times searching these. A couple of my first found Barbers were a half dollar and dime at the base of a tree above one of those beaches. Some poor sole, a hundred years or so ago, lost about a day's wages while apparently dropping his trousers behind that tree.

Now waiting for the snow to melt and the ground to thaw. Somewhat envious of you folks who don't have to contend with such inconveniences, but sure do appreciate springtime whenever it rolls around. Too old now and no desire to relocate.