Minstrel
Hero Member
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2008
- Messages
- 520
- Reaction score
- 3
- Golden Thread
- 0
- Location
- Albuquerque, New Mexico
- Detector(s) used
- Garrett-GTI-2500
- #1
Thread Owner
Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This
gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired moustache.
Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no
longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.
Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see
your rear end without turning around.
Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more
like splat!
Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things
will too!"
Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a
control top flea collar.
Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old
that you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
Midlife brings the wisdom that "life throws you curves" and that you're
now sitting on your biggest ones.
Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-
swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I
have stretch marks?"
Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you
still retain is water.
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course,
the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery
store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the
produce department.
Midlife is when your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand
McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the
state of Wisconsin).
Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.
You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big"
questions: what is life, why am I here, and how much Healthy Choice ice
cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice.
gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired moustache.
Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no
longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.
Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see
your rear end without turning around.
Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more
like splat!
Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things
will too!"
Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a
control top flea collar.
Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old
that you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
Midlife brings the wisdom that "life throws you curves" and that you're
now sitting on your biggest ones.
Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-
swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I
have stretch marks?"
Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you
still retain is water.
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course,
the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery
store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the
produce department.
Midlife is when your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand
McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the
state of Wisconsin).
Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.
You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big"
questions: what is life, why am I here, and how much Healthy Choice ice
cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice.
