Ride em

[Michelle]

 

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[Gypsy Heart]

Saw a card with John Wayne on the front....Said "You are the best darn kisser in these parts pardner"
Inside said " And these parts are mighty thankful!"

 

[buscadero]

Time fur a li'l Necktie Party fur them damn Sheepherders!


Hmmm... Sheep, huh? Think that's where they learned their stuff?


J.

 

[packerbacker]

I never saw Tonto or the Lone Ranger with a date. Hmmmmmmmmmm

 

[Kentucky Kache]

"Me did not have sexual relations with that masked man...kemosoby"

 

[buscadero]

Saw ya eyeing Silver tho, muttering something about, "Come on, you big White Stallion!" Hmmmm?



Joe

 

[packerbacker]

you guys are sick!

 

[stefen]

Know why the Lone Ranger shot Tonto?

Found out Kemosabe meant 'Chicken S#$%.

 

[Michelle]

Wow this thing really has taken off!

 

[Gypsy Heart]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After their tent is all set up, they fell sound asleep.
One hour later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo-Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially millions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo-Sabe, you dumb ass. Someone stole tent."

 

[Michelle]

I have a pain in my side..........ohhhhhhh.....lolololo

 

[Gypsy Heart]

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blond woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blond enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,


"Listen very carefully, for the last time, I said...................."BRING POSSE!"

 

[buscadero]

The Lone Ranger & Tonto were blazing along on horseback into the Sunset, when suddenly Tonto caught a bad omen about the land before them. Tonto dismounts & while the Lone Ranger looks on, Tonto puts his ear to the ground. He then stands back up & say's, "We are in great danger, Kemo Sabe!,many, many Buffalo come" The Lone Ranger, taken by surprise, asks how Tonto knows. Tonto looks up & say's, "Ground All Sticky!" :P


Joe

 

[buscadero]

O ne day the Lone Ranger & Tonto were out riding. The LR suddenly felt an urge to relieve himself. So he found a bush, dropped his drawers, & a few seconds later, screamed out loud.
So Tonto runs over & asks, "What happen, Kemo Sabe?"
The LR moans & say's, "Tonto, a rattlesnake bit my Little Ranger. Go to town & ask the Doc what to do!
So Tonto rides into town, finds the Doc, & explains the situation. The Doc say's, "You take a knife, make an X on the bitten spot, & suck out the venom!" Tonto thanks the Doc & rides back to the LR. "What did the Doc say, Tonto?" asks the LR.
Tonto looks at the LR, shakes his head, & say's, "Doctor tell me, you die soon!"

Joe

 

[Monty]

So, the stand up comics stories were so funny about the Lone Ranger and Tonto all but Hilbert dropped dead from laughing. Remembering the bucket ofslver he went back to the first room to recover it and there sat Elvis munching on the hindquarter of a hog and drinking BBQ sauce. "I have come at last to claim the treasure", Hilbert exclaimed! "What treasure?" Elvis said, looking surprised, "Why the bucket full of silver coins!" "There ain't no silver coins, man" spoke Elvis, "Those are pull tabs!" "Let me explain.""Just before they invented the pull tabs that stay on the can, me and Jimmy Hoffa and James Dean invested billions of dollars in the old style pull tabs that seperate from the can, about 850 Trillion of them. When the new ones came along ours were obsolete, so we had to get rid of them. So we've been laying low and hiding out for the last 20 years, only going out at night to scatter them about the country side in absolute secrecy. We done pretty good too until we found out they could be recycled, so now we're buying them back from detectorists!" With a start , Hilbert jerked awake, jumped out of bed and said, "That's the worse nightmare I ever had in my life. The end....or is it? Monty Had to kill this serpent some way!

 

[stefen]

Monty,

Keep telling you to stay away from the viagra pills...gives you a hard time sleeping.

 

[Michelle]

lol..... .....lol This is the funniest dang thing I ever posted........only you people have made it a riot.....

 

[Gypsy Heart]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know............ you left your Injun running

 

[Michelle]