The Perfect Marriage

[River Rat]

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
>
>
>
> 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
> beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on
> Fridays.
>
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is
> in Texas.
>
> 3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.
>
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the
> kitchen.
>
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
>
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
> maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!”
> ... So I bought her an electric chair.
>
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water
> in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the
> lake."
>
> 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
> off.
>
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the
> garbage?" .. The driver said "No, jump in!"
>
> 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
>
> 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
> Always.
>
> 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
> interrupt her.
>
> 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the
> TV?" I said "Dust!"
>
>
> Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it.........this is
> the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter
> word........just clean and simple fun
>

 

Amazon Forum Fav 👍

Agony and Death on a Gold Rush Steamer: The Disastrous Sinking of the Side-Wheeler Yankee Blade - Grab it through Amazon!

[Cynangyl]

love them!!

 

[Tubecity]

Yea, he was one of the best.

 

[Ascholten]

Also humor could be wry like that, without having to worry about offending 100's of crybaby groups looking for their victim status. People would recognize it as just that humor, and not be reading more into it to be looking for a reason to cry about it.

Aaron

 

[Dimeman]

Yea, he was one of the best.

He was one of the funniest comedians ever, and never a harsh word about anyone. If you have never seen anything by Red Skelton....you should look at some of his videos that are out......you will laugh so hard you will cry.

 

[River Rat]

Yea, he was one of the best.

I totally agree, it's hard to pick a favorite from all the characters he played.

RR

 

[fossis]

Good ones RR, he was one of a kind.

Fossis...............

 

[BobPA]

Red Skelton was great. Too bad we don't have any commedians nowdays that can get that many laughs without throwing in tons of four letter words.
Bob

 

[LadyDigger]

Red Skelton was one of my all time favorites. About a year ago, got a DVD with the BEST OF RED SKELTON....brought back memories of sitting in front of the tv with my parents (and grandparents, if visiting) watching him...he was hilarious!!! I make sure my kids watch these too....show them what tv was really about!!!

Have ya'll ever heard his description of I PLEDGE OF ALLEGIENCE? Very nicely said!

Good Day Ya'll,
Annmarie

 

[Old Dog]

Those who sawRed on a regular basis all miss him I'm sure.

I especially miss Clem Kadidlehopper.

OD

 

[BIG61AL]

Red skelton was a great comic. As funny as anyone today. You just don't see his material on TV at all anymore and that is a shame.

 

[Glenns5900]

I remember watching his show one time when he had Milton Burle on. Milton was dressed in drag and had 2 balloons under his dress (for obvious reasons). One of the balloons popped during the skit and Red looked surprised at Milton. THEN Milton moved the remaining balloon to the middle of the dress. Needless to say the skit could not continue as no one could get their lines out as they were trying so hard to keep from laughing. After about a minute of laughter the show cut to a commercial as neither could continue the skit.

 

[ashleen]

RR,

Red Skelton was the best!
I remember wishing he was my grandfather!
Remember this....?

The time has come to say good night,
My how time does fly.
We’ve had a laugh, perhaps a tear,
and now we hear good-bye.

I really hate to say good night,
for times like these are few.
I wish you love and happiness,
In everything you do.

The time has come to say good night,
I hope I’ve made a friend.
And so we’ll say “May God bless you,”
Until we meet again.