Things my Momma taught me

[Rubicon]

1. RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

2. TIME TRAVEL. “If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

3. LOGIC. “Because I said so, that's why.”

4. MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.”

5. IRONY. “Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.”

6. THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

7. CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

8. STAMINA. “You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

9. WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

10. HYPOCRISY. “If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!”

11. THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

12. BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like your father!”

13. ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”

14. ESP. “Put your sweater on. Don't you think I know when you are cold?”

15. HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.”

16. GENETICS. “You're just like your father.”

17. MY ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

18. JUSTICE. “One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

 

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[sniffer]

how about

ANNATOMICAL PRESENTATION = I'm going to break my foot off in your a$$

NUTRITIONAL INSTRUCTION = this isn't a restaurant, it's my kitchen, and you'll eat what I fix and when I fix it

 

[Gypsy Heart]

Exercise......Just Shake What your Mama Gave ya

 

[Michigan Badger]

I think my favorite was "This is going to hurt me more than you." Then ma would hand me over to dad.

I hated that old willow tree! Those limbs made for nasty spanking switches.

But I miss old dad. He was more than a father, he was my best friend.

 

[stefen]

"Make sure that you have clean underwear on before you leave this house...what if you are in an accident?"

Mom, if I'm in an accident, I don't think my underwear will be clean!

 

[oldhermit34]

I'm dying laughing here.

 

[sniffer]

I am sick and ? Tired
if I have to stop this car
i don't care if you fight with your brothers, just don't bleed on the carpet

 

[rocky]

" Eat that or I'll have to throw it away."

Well Mom if it is that bad go ahead and throw it away.

I heard George Carlin quote that from his Mom, and I heard it from mine if not once, a million times.





ROCKY

 

[Old Dog]

I can still feel the knot where Mom thumped me...
when she told me about the starving kids in india,
who would love to have the stuff I was refusing to eat.

All I said was "Send it to them"