Weird things always happen to me, and still are!!

[Mona Lisa]

Re: Weird things always happen to me!

Great stories, guys. Those are the things you need to write down for future generations.

Jim, your grandma sounds like she was hilarious.

 

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[Monty]

Re: Weird things always happen to me! and is still happening to me!

Well, I did it again! I went MD'ing today and wore my shorts because it was really hot and no wind blowing for a change. I have an old pair of knee pads that lost the elasticity in the straps that keep them attached to your legs. The pads on the knee protectors are in good shape and I just can't toss out a perfectly good set of knee pads. So, knowing the scientificaly proven fact that duct tape will fix anything, I duct taped the straps together at just the right amount of tension to fit my legs and was good to go. When I got to my detecting site I got out my gear and wouldn't you know, the only knee pads I had with me was the ones with the duct tape. I thought, "Oh what the heck" and slipped them on over my bare skin....I did say I was wearing shorts didn't I? No, I don't MD in the nude! After several minutes I began to sweat and the duct tape got wet and sweat will defeat the sticky on duct tape I found out and before long I found myself wearing my knee pads down around my ankles. So, I had to walk gingerly to keep my legs from getting tangled up and pull them up back around my knees every time I stopped to dig a signal. Why didn't I pull them up before trying to walk? You see, I have a back problem and don't bend well so I didn't want to do any unnecessary bending until I had to. Well this worked well if not a bit silly looking. I kept looking around to see if anyone was watching me because I'm sure I did present a goofy sight. But it gets better!
After I was through detecting for the day I couldn't get the tape unstuck so I had to slip them off over my ankles....but had to take my shoes off to get the straps over my feet. One of them stuck to my sock and I hopped around in circles on one foot until my sock finally came off with the knee pad. Finally I was able to get my shoes and socks back on and headed for the house.
When I got home I was exhausted and grabbed a cool drink and sat down on the sofa to rest a spell before putting my gear away. Mother nature called and as I headed down the hall to the bathroom I got the feeling someone was following me. I looked back to find that one of my wife's good afghans was following me down the hallway. It was stuck firmly to the back of one of my legs! The stickum from the duct tape was now off the tape and all over the backs of my legs! So in disgust, I ripped the afghan off my leg....taking a good amount of leg hair with it! So, now I'm in trouble with my wife for getting hair all over her good afghan, mother nature is calling and now the afghan is stuck to my hand! I looked like one of the old slap stick comedies trying to get fly paper off my hands but finally shed the afghan before I wet my pants!
Throughout the evening I stuck to everything I sat on so I was standing up watching ER and my wife kept saying, "Why don't you sit down dear?" Not wanting to look any dumber than I felt I remained standing through the entire episode and yes, Dr. what'shisface is leaving.......(I don't follow public TV much). Before bedtime I took a shower and tried to wash the stickum off to no evail. Soap and hot water didn't phase it. Then I tried alcohol swabs and no luck. I may spend the rest of my life stuck to the furniture!. Naturally, I stuck to the sheets and woke up this morning with the sheets wrapped around my legs stuck fast! I know I looked like a one legged man at a butt kicking contest trying to get out of bed this morning! So, help! What will take this stickum off without taking my skin with it? And don't say peanut butter! (That's another story)! JIM

 

[Nana40]

WHEW!!!

I thought you were going to say you forgot and wore black socks with those shorts!

HAHAHAHA! I don't know what will get that sticky stuff off......I thought the alcohol would do the trick.......
You really need to seriously consider writing a book or at the very least have your own column in the news paper!
These escapades of yours are just priceless!

Nana

 

[stoney56]

Jim, try WD40. Serious. But if it doesn't work, then at least you won't squeak when you walk.

 

[omnicognic]

WD-40 is a good suggestion, suntan lotion, or GOJO (a mechanic's best friend!) GOJO takes just about anything off and one more for the really stubborn gunk I use OFF (the insect repellant) Good Luck! HH omnicognic 8)


P.S. I also heard that WD-40 works great for arthritic joints! My uncle swears by it!

 

[stoney56]

BTW Jim, when I said to be patient and stick with it, I didn't mean it literally.
Also the package went out this morning. Had over 5 inches rain Thurs. morn. in 2 1/2 hr. Spent all day cleaning shop. One thing about it, no problems digging in this soil for a while.

 

[hollowpointred]

yet another brilliant entertaining story!! you seem to have a million of them! the only stories i have are camping catastrophies!

 

[Monty]

Just happen to have a camping ( of sorts) story that is also true!

Back in my early adult married life when I couldn't afford camping equipment I saved my coins and bought a geodesic (sp) tent for around a hundred bucks which was the equivalent of about a thousand dollars in today's clad. I took it out into my backyard to set it up and seal the seams with this gluey, stinky, sticky looking mess that came in a tube. Yessir, 100% waterproof all the seams in the tent guaranteed! I didn't stake the tent out as it would only be up for a short while until the glue dried and the thing would stand alone without tent pegs. It was a hot humid day in late august about a month prior to the hunting season which was why I bought the tent in the first place. And besides, I was tired of sleeping under a masonry hod wrapped up in a green tarp all deer season. Man I mean this tent was stylin'! Why I could weather a hurricane in this and live in it for weeks if need be! It was a doozy!
At any rate, I was inside the tent out in the hot sun, sweating up storm and wondering if it was worth it. I may have been getting a little high on the fumes and that made it tolerable. It was probably 100 degrees outside, at least 130 in that tent. The fumes were so bad even the flies that flew in were dropping like,.....well, like flies! I heard an unfamiliar rumbling sound outside and after several minutes it soaked through my huffer's brain that it might be thunder? I stuck my head out and was nearly knocked over by the fresh air and noticed off on the horizon was a dark cloud, much too far away to worry about. So I went back to my chore being sure to inhale deeply to get the full effect of the air in the tent.
Within five minutes and very suddenly there was a ripping sound and a clap of thunder so near and loud it made my ears ring! I had just began to stick my head out to see what was going on when a gust of wind of about 70 mph velocity hit me and the tent. Immediately the bungied shock corded poles folded up and the tent caved in abut my head and ears. The next thing I knew me, the tent and various manner of debris were being sent rolling across the yard only to be halted by the chain link fence! And the rain came with a vengeance only possible with a tornado alley sudden sever thunderstorm in Oklahoma! The raindrops were so bigand of such velocity that they stung as they hit me through the tent fabric and wait, that rain is solid! Quarter sized hail to boot! A real toad strangler! So, I fought the tent with a vengeance trying in vain to find an opening to get out, being soaked and bashed at the same time for my efforts! Finally I got my feet out through an opening whee the door was supposed to be and with only my legs free made a dash for the garage and shelter. Not being able to see of course I immediately ran into the side of the house and knocked myself silly! Finally I found the garage door and shoved it open and fell in a heap on the garage floor. Soaked beaten and bedraggled I searched my body inch by inch for any signs of serious injuries. Finding none, I slithered like a lizard into the house to dry out and nurse my wounds. With my intense concentration, through my fume fogged brain I had forgotten how quickly a good old Oklahoma thunderstorm could blow up on a hot summer day. The tent and I both survived, not sure which was the worse for the wear. Of course the tent being wet inside and out did mildew a bit and to the day I tossed it into the trash bin it smelled of stale Cheeto's. Everyone who ever stayed in that tent over its life span would remark, " I smell stale Cheeto's!" It may have been my feet but it was a good cover! JIM

 

[ARCOMANDPURPLE]

Stale cheeto"s ?? You sure it wasn't "stale shit'os"......

 

[Gypsy Heart]

I know this is an old thread,but in my quest to read every story I stumbled across it this morning and am laughing my bottom off. I truly think this thread qualifies for the Best and Brightest award!

 

[DigEmAll]

Yeah, my mother was at the mall a few years back during the Christmas season. She had just days before purchased a new Ford Taurus. Well, after she did her shopping she went out and put her purchases in the trunk and got in the car. The car wouldn't start. The lights and everything worked, it just wouldn't turn over. So she called me and I went to give her a hand. When I got there she was still messing with the switch and having no results so I took over. The key wouldn't turn the switch on, so I called a friend at a local locksmith and as we are standing there waiting for him I look around and exactly three spots farther down the row is a car just like hers, but with a new temporary license plate. So I look back at Mom's car and it has a plate, so I asked her when she received her tag in the mail. She said that she hasn't and it should be there in a week or so. Well, I take the keys out of the ignition and go over to the other car and unlock it and get in and promptly start the car. If she didn't feel dumb enough, as we are transfering all her purchases from one car to another, my locksmith buddy pulls up. So we are standing there with a locksmith laughing our butts off and this guy walks up and says "What are you guys doing in my car?" which causes another round of laughter. So I explained to him what had happened and that we had been trying to steal his car for well over an hour now. He was good natured about it and laughed really hard before driving away.

 

[Mighty AP]

Great, great stories Monty! You SHOULD write a book! I especialy liked the ones of your dear grandmother, I had a great grandmother who was a lot like yours. She lived to be 106 years old, died about 10 years ago. She would unplug everything in the house until she used it, appliances, clocks........everything! I guess they had a lot of fires back in the 20's due to the fabric wrapped power cords on electrical items & she did this til the day she died! Ecentric, wonderful lady, as was your grandmother. Keep those great stories coming Monty!

 

[Jeffro]

I once had a "lady" do something awfully un-nice. At a laundrymat I went to several years ago, I saw this gal coming out with a full load, basket full of clothes, laundry soap and dryer sheets on top. So I opened the door for her and waited for her to pass on outside before I went in. As soon as she was through the door, however, she set down her load and turned around to face me. She spit on my shoes and said she didn't need no help from no MFing redneck!

Up to this point I hadn't said a word...

I wonder how she knew I was a redneck?

 

[stefen]

A firiend of mine was driving through Oklahoma and was pulled over by a Highway patrolman.

His wife, who was deaf as a door knob, asked why he was pulling over to the shoulder.

"POLICE". he shouted.

Well, the Patrolman asked for his drivers license.

He look at the license and stated, 'Your from Texas'! Man, the worst sex I ever had was in Texas.

His wife asked, 'What did he say'?

HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!

 

[Gypsy Heart]

I once had a "lady" do something awfully un-nice. At a laundrymat I went to several years ago, I saw this gal coming out with a full load, basket full of clothes, laundry soap and dryer sheets on top. So I opened the door for her and waited for her to pass on outside before I went in. As soon as she was through the door, however, she set down her load and turned around to face me. She spit on my shoes and said she didn't need no help from no MFing redneck!

Up to this point I hadn't said a word...

I wonder how she knew I was a redneck?

Rather be a redneck than low life no class trash anyday ! Now me ...,being a gal, would have given that basket of clean clothes a flying kick across the parking lot....coz thats what us redneck women do!

 

[Mighty AP]

I had to bump this thread. Monty is a HOOT!!!

 

[Produce Guy]

Not sure this ranks as weird,but my wife and I were in Sears the other day to buy a washer and dryer and even though we were paying CASH,they wanted to see a credit card,I told them that I was paying in cash and I did not have a credit card,I don't use them,but I do have a debit card,they said it wasn't good enough,so we left there and went over to Best Buy and told the sales girl that was helping us about the trouble we had at Sears,she called her store mngr. over and we told him,he laugh and said that sounds like Sears and then he took off $200 from our purchased and threw in free delivery and set-up and take away.

 

[WindHarvester]

This post had me laughing hysterically, I'm glad you bumped it Mighty AP.

That sounds like a great deal for the inconvenience at sears, I don't shop their often because they done away with the lifetime warranty on craftsman tools.

 

[Mighty AP]

This post had me laughing hysterically, I'm glad you bumped it Mighty AP.

That sounds like a great deal for the inconvenience at sears, I don't shop their often because they done away with the lifetime warranty on craftsman tools.

Yeah, Monty is the KING! I was just talking with another member about some of Montys stories & ran into this old thread, thought some of the newer members might like to read some of his gold.............still waiting for that book Monty!
No lifetime warranty on Craftsman tools?? Crap! I have 2 rollaways full of Craftsman tools!

 

[spartacus53]

Thanks for bumping this topic, I would never have seen it that far back Monty does have some interesting stories there.

By the way, the craftsman tools are made by S&K, and if you notified S&K about them, I think they may do the right thing