Any Practical Jokers?

[trdking]

When we were bored as kids, we'd head to taco bell and grab a handful of the hot sauce packets then head on over to the Dennys. We'd go in the bathroom and place a folded hot sauce packet under the spacers of the toilet seats. You could tell who sat on which seat when they walked out. Another fun one for restaurants id to bring a cresent wrench & screw driver in your brief case or satchel. Go to the urinal and loosen the nut on the sloan valve 3 or 4 turns and turn the screw all the way out. The next guy that uses it will come out literally drenched from head to toe.

Mustard packs also does a number! We would cellophane the toilet bowl at parties then put the lid down. Guys would see the cellophane when they picked up the seat but girls.... it was very transparent.

 

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[trdking]

I keep getting calls from telemarketers like 20 times a day, and it has become very annoying so I decided to fight back with creepy comedy.
One lady called me and I answered in a really gay voice and said hello. She asked me if I bought pain cream and went into the conversation
of how well it worked and how much it cost and all that. After she was done in the same gay voice I said may I ask a question, she said sure
then i said does the cream cure anul itch. The next five min of silence was priceless and severely creepy.

My friend Jeff and I ran a contest to see who could screw with the telemarketers the most. We were always partying after work so we took turns answering the phone. All business was done on cell phone so when the house phone rang it was guaranteed some kind of cold call. One evening, it was my turn and I immediately started running this girl through the paces. Why, what, what if,why should I buy, each time she would fire back a canned answer and keep selling. She would not crack. ( it was against the rules to be rude or vulgar ) I was losing and then... It popped into my head. I informed the girl that she was the most trained of my employees that I had ever seen and that Yes she had in fact cold called the president of her company. I told her that I was so impressed with her trained abilities that I was going to make sure there was a reasonable bonus on her next paycheck. She was over the moon happy and excited. I inquired and she gave me her full name and SS Number. she thanked me and I thanked her for her excellent service and hung up. I hope she didn't stay too excited about that bonus.... (I won that week)

 

[gamiller]

If I may ask (after reading this thread).
Was the letter u left out of your username ?

 

[Deft Tones]

If I may ask (after reading this thread).
Was the letter u left out of your username ?

Good one. I was confused who or what you were talking about at first.

 

[trdking]

If I may ask (after reading this thread).
Was the letter u left out of your username ?

Aaaaahh, Ding, Ding, you win the prize! You are the first person on this site to have to ask! Frankly it usually happens sooner. I am a member of the early 911 s Registry and it took them nano seconds to toss themselves on the grenade. So For the record. NO it does not stand for TurdKing Although you may call me that or not. I mean really the name is rather brilliant and of you have to be King of something....why not? Fall back, way back to the birth of the internet. When Dr. Roy T Fielding co Founded Apache and wrote the Hyper Text Protocol HTTP:// That basically powers the internet as we know it still today although the form it exists in is basically HTTPS://, I was involved with a group of these guys (Including Roy) Doing work on some of the very first public search engines including Yahoo and the like. These guys came and set me up a public email and said that I could not use my real name so I needed to think of a "handle" Because no-one was going to use their real name on this internet net thing. Really? That is odd its kind of going to be like the "Truckers"? Breaker 1 - 9 and all that? They said Yes but more useful. OK so I had to think about something momentous! Mind you I am in my very early 20's and a barter King so I came up with trdking trd are my initials and also is the word trade with the vowels removed. Wha La! I am the trade king! Swear to you Turd was never in my thought process. No one else said anything to me. The internet grew and that handle got used for everything. eBay, Yahoo, chat sites, tech sites, banking EVERYTHING. I would have to say it is probably one of the oldest handles on the internet and given the fore site I probably would have used something else but when people started calling me turdking it was a little late to change anything There you have it. The origin of the Turd

 

[gamiller]

Perhaps I shouldn't ask what I won.

 

[Deft Tones]

Perhaps I shouldn't ask what I won.

You win a "Y", Mr. Miller!

 

[Deft Tones]

Aaaaahh, Ding, Ding, you win the prize! You are the first person on this site to have to ask! Frankly it usually happens sooner. I am a member of the early 911 s Registry and it took them nano seconds to toss themselves on the grenade. So For the record. NO it does not stand for TurdKing Although you may call me that or not. I mean really the name is rather brilliant and of you have to be King of something....why not? Fall back, way back to the birth of the internet. When Dr. Roy T Fielding co Founded Apache and wrote the Hyper Text Protocol HTTP:// That basically powers the internet as we know it still today although the form it exists in is basically HTTPS://, I was involved with a group of these guys (Including Roy) Doing work on some of the very first public search engines including Yahoo and the like. These guys came and set me up a public email and said that I could not use my real name so I needed to think of a "handle" Because no-one was going to use their real name on this internet net thing. Really? That is odd its kind of going to be like the "Truckers"? Breaker 1 - 9 and all that? They said Yes but more useful. OK so I had to think about something momentous! Mind you I am in my very early 20's and a barter King so I came up with trdking trd are my initials and also is the word trade with the vowels removed. Wha La! I am the trade king! Swear to you Turd was never in my thought process. No one else said anything to me. The internet grew and that handle got used for everything. eBay, Yahoo, chat sites, tech sites, banking EVERYTHING. I would have to say it is probably one of the oldest handles on the internet and given the fore site I probably would have used something else but when people started calling me turdking it was a little late to change anything There you have it. The origin of the Turd

Cool story! Apache is the workhorse of the internet, so cool.

FWIW, I read it as "trade king" from the first look. Turd king never crossed my mind, so you're not alone.

 

[beerguy]

When I was in college, we had a party and we were all pretty drunk. One of the new guys was really wasted, and he passed out on the couch. We moved his bed, side table, lamp and shoes out into the parking lot and moved him off the couch and into his bed outside. My buddies said that the landlord found him there the next morning.

Also, a few years ago, I was at a trade show. My boss was always hiding my roller bag so I couldn't find it, so I had our marketing girl make me a new badge for him with his home address in the registration code. Then I went to the China pavillion and had every booth I went past scan his badge. They are relentless. About a month after the show, he mentioned that he was getting a ton of catalogs in the mail.

Good times.

 

[trdking]

Cool story! Apache is the workhorse of the internet, so cool.

FWIW, I read it as "trade king" from the first look. Turd king never crossed my mind, so you're not alone.

Roy Fielding worked for me/Us Can you believe that the man who is a Doctor and Almost single handedly create the Web as we know it made about 100K a year and was happy to have it? They as a team Created Apache and GAVE IT away as freeware. What a noble mission that was. Roy was and still is a gentle Giant with his whole mission in life the creation of a better network.

 

[boogeyman]

If I may ask (after reading this thread).
Was the letter u left out of your username ?

All us Marines were turds at one time!
T rainee
U nder
R idgid
D isipline.

 

[trdking]

When I was in college, we had a party and we were all pretty drunk. One of the new guys was really wasted, and he passed out on the couch. We moved his bed, side table, lamp and shoes out into the parking lot and moved him off the couch and into his bed outside. My buddies said that the landlord found him there the next morning.

Also, a few years ago, I was at a trade show. My boss was always hiding my roller bag so I couldn't find it, so I had our marketing girl make me a new badge for him with his home address in the registration code. Then I went to the China pavillion and had every booth I went past scan his badge. They are relentless. About a month after the show, he mentioned that he was getting a ton of catalogs in the mail.

Good times.

Junk mail, Spam and Ordering 20 pizzas to a guys house is the ultimate revenge!

 

[boogeyman]

Bubble Wrap!!!!!! We used to get it in rolls. This young forklift operator was the victim. As soon as he very gently stuck the forks under two pallets stacked on top of each other, I kicked a roll out under the back tire. When he backed up it started popping while myself & three others were yelling "Oh jeeze", STOP! etc. He proceeds to jam it in forward dropping the top pallet & sticking the forks in the wall.
Gotta give the kid credit! He admitted he wet the seat!

In later years did it to a friends truck in the garage. He pulls out and since it was under the wheel by the wall he thought he'd torn the wall up. Hysterical watching him run around the truck looking for damage.

 

[Geobound]

Phone tricks to do at work.

1) Place a small piece of clear tape over the hearing holes on the phone. Sit back and listen to "I can't hear you, speak up" over and over again.

2) Unplug the cord that runs from the handheld to the phone at the base, and then tape it to the bottom of the phone. It will still look like it is plugged in, but the person can't hear or speak.

3) This one has to be done quickly. Dial the extension of a coworker from your phone, as the phone rings hit the transfer button and transfer your call to another coworker. This works great if there isn't an internal caller ID. The two coworkers will be puzzled because each will think that the other called them.

4) We had Sirus Sat Radio at the office and one day I switched the channel from "The Blend" to the "Playboy Channel".......that went unnoticed for quite a while.

 

[Geobound]

This will require a bit of Photoshop experience, but its a great gag.

People always have photos of themselves on their desks with their significant other in a frame. Pop their picture out and Photoshop your face onto one of theirs, and then put the picture back into the frame. See how many days it takes for somebody to notice.

Just under two weeks is my record.

 

[Mzjavert]

Condiment packets under the toilet seat...note to self...do this to every toilet at work on my last day.

 

[beerguy]

I worked at an avionics repair depot one time and some of the guys used to wrap solder around the contacts of a power cord, so when someone plugged in their soldering iron, it would give a nice wakeup call. Apparently management put a stop to that really fast.

 

[Geobound]

In the late 80's early 90's I worked with a petulant rich brat whose dad was one of our suppliers, and because of that Pete thought that his sh*t didn't stink.

Everyday he wore light khaki pants and a blue shirt, the typical uniform of a prat!

We battled daily on just about everything, so when the opportunity to shut him up came around I jumped on it.

We used to work in pods of four (you sat opposite someone, and there was a person beside you who sat opposite someone), Pete sat in the pod right next to me and spent most of his day with his feet up on his desk, banging on and on about how much money he had and how great he was.

I had to work late one night......well because somebody had to do some work in that group.

I was drinking a glass of water and accidentally spit it on my thick cloth chair. Well the light went off in my head, and the evil plan was hatched.

You would be amazed at how much water one of these cloth chairs can hold without dripping onto the floor. LOL......

So when I was done for the night and the chair was nicely soaked I went home, but made sure that I was in early enough to see the fireworks.

I got to the office early but never actually went to my desk (so I couldn't be accused of doing anything), and stayed back talking to a fellow coworker.

When Pete came in (wearing the typical khaki's), sunglasses all the way through the dark corridors, and finger combing his hair, I was as giddy a teenager on prom night.

As he planted his butt into his seat I worked my way towards my desk. I could see the smile slowly melting off of his face, and the realization that something wasn't right.

He shifted his weight from one butt cheek to the next to see what was going on, before he leapt out of his chair.

Well the laughter from everybody was more than the spoilt brat could take, and he took off like a shot out of the building. We all ran to the window just in time to see him blow smoke out of his tires, and he screamed out of the parking lot.

Now a normal person would just leave that joke there, but not me.

A few weeks later at home I got in the mail a coupon for a free sample of an adult diaper.

Yep you guessed it. I filled out the form and had it sent to the office in Petes name.

Well I howled as soon as it came through the interoffice mail, and waited for Petes reaction.

The following day he asked for a transfer to a different department, but was denied.

His dad came to his rescue and moved him to Texas to head up a department in his company.

I lost track of Pete, but the memories will last a life time!!

 

[beerguy]

Geobound, I salute you!!

Thanks for a good laugh.

 

[Mzjavert]

Great jokes on Pete.