Jokes and pranks while serving.

[FreedomUIC]

Another good prank we used to play on newbies was sending them off for a can of "Fine" oxygen spray to clear out the NBC gear after an exercise. We usually told the poor guy to check with
Top or the CO as it was expensive and they had to keep control of it. Pulled this on an E-Duece fresh from AIT, he was assigned to the NBC room to help clean up the equipment for an IG
inspection. The SSG in charge sent him after a can of "Fine" oxygen spray. Ten minutes later the First Sergeant came into the weapons room and started laughing so hard he was in tears.
Once he composed himself he was able to mutter "Cut the crap off right now, don't you knuckleheads know we are preparing for an inspection in two days!". Then he went on to say that the
poor private skipped his office and went directly to the CO. Got a visit from him about five minutes after the First Sergeant left the room. Exact words that I will remember to this day, "If
you do not stop sending FNG's to my office asking for @*&^ that doesn't exist, everybody in this room will be a private before tomorrow morning". After he left we all started
laughing so hard we ended up on the floor holding our sides. That poor E-Duece was assigned to another work detail.....ROFLMAO

 

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[Red James Cash]

My brother told me a good one,I cant say its really a joke or a prank but I just got a good laugh out of it.My brother was drafted in 68.In boot camp him and his buddy were thinking of joining airborne.They went to talk to their drill sargent to find out any information that they could.Their sargent started yelling at them "Dont you know theres only two things that fall from the sky bird **** and idiots".

 

[Tico14]

Heres a good one we pulled on boots. I was on an aircraft Carrier during Viet Nam. We had a few helicopters for rescuing pilots that had to ditch or eject. Anyway under the seat of these helicopters they had funnells with a hose used to relieve themselves. Boots were told to speak into these funnells for radio check.
You get the picture.

 

[piegrande]

Someone I know was assigned to Ft. Benjamin Harrison in the late 60's. Not far away is a university, perhaps Purdue. On the campus was a beautiful statue of a woman, perhaps Venus. This man and a buddy looked at that for a while, and decided it had to be "fixed."

They sneaked back at night with Brasso and polished up her breasts. I saw pictures, and I will say they did look pretty good after they shined them up.

However, the rest of the statue was that old green/gray that old bronze changes to. So, though we perverts liked it that way, the art lovers and parents of little kids did not. Oh, man, were there some angry people in that community.

The local newspaper wrote an editorial stating what should be done to the culprits and it was not nice.

I've always wondered just how long it took them to get the correct color back.

###

I spent some time in 1964/5 at 32nd Arty, North Fort Lewis, before I escaped to HHC Crash Rescue at Gray Air base.

We had a very unusual man in my company. I could tell all sorts of stories about him. He was beyond a clown.

We got in two new kids came right to the 32nd Arty without even going to basic training, something I had never heard of before. They were assigned upstairs like Mike was. They were hanging close to each other, looking scared, only a day or two from their mother's house.

One of Mike's tricks was to walk to the top of the long stairs, down from the second floor, pretend to trip and roll the full length of the stairs, like a stunt man in the movies. He said he learned it when he came home drunk one night!

So, MIke and a couple buddies pretended to be angry at each other, then they pretended to push him down the stairs. He fell head over heels as he usually did, and lay down there all spraddled out as he usually did. Those two kids, the blood drained out of their faces, like a thermometer put on dry ice. They were shaking with fear, scared to death to think what they had got themselves in to.

Then, Mike jumped up and shouted, "Gotcha!" Then, everyone laughed, and they realized they had just been initiated into the Company.

 

[birdman]

We had a new kid in deck dept. and we were underway about a mile from a draw bridge.My buddy told the kid "Quick go down to engineering to get the crank for the mast so it don't hit the bridge."Well off this kid went and the guys down below sent him some where else and this went on for about 30 minutes until he figured out he had been had.
The same guy we had him looking for B 1 R Ds =birds while on watch one day. Good laughs!

 

[csachipper]

We used to love to train the green privates with the old TA1 field phones. While they were splicing the wires and hooking up the phone, we would give it a couple of cranks just to hear them "yelp" a couple of times.

 

[GarretDiggingAz]

Sorry if this is military only. First of all thanks for your service. I never served but had family and friends that did. Thanks again for all that you guys have done and are doing. My military experience was designing various buildings for various bases. I always felt proud to do that and visit the bases.

So here's a story I got from my buddy who got into the 52nd airborne. Even though they said he wouldn't make it. Being he was 42 going in. Kudos for my buddy Sean.

My buddy Sean was the old man of the squad. The puppies that ran around him always thought that they were better faster and smarter than everybody else. Ahhhh dang youth. (Of course we've all been there). Well one day after running the hill they were having target practice with an RPG. Aiming at the tank. They only had two rockets. So who got there first and second got to shoot it. Well, my buddy got to shoot it first. The puppies gave him some growls because once again he showed them up. He had never shot the RPG yet. Boom!!! He nailed the tank. The other puppy missed.
Man I was proud of my buddy once again for showing that if you set your mind to it and never say quit. You CAN achieve your goal.
He served three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan and is back now.
I often share this story of "The Old Dog That Could".
It always makes my laugh and PROUD of all those who serve our country!!!!!!

I hope it's ok that I posted this here. Even though I was only a civi. However I've love my country and try to help those in need and try to do what's right for God, Country, and my Family. Even if I'm disabled.

Thank you all and God Bless you and all.

 

[SADS 669]

While I think everyone who frequents this forum knows I appreciate all Veterans... I thought I'd throw this out there. We've ALL done some humorous things... well, maybe not to the recipant... but it did give us a laugh.

Back in the early '80s, Germany, REFORGER, out in the counrty side, sitting on top of an M113, manning the .50, listening to the radio traffic. My shift, about 0200 hours...

Feller from another squad comes out of his track, goes to do his business outside the premiter. I'm wearing nightvision goggles... the ones where you have two eyepieces that glow green... think they were PVS7s... Couldn't stand the opporunity... it was just a training exercise...

So I dismounted my vehicle, and as silently as I could, eased up on him. He was squatting, doing his business, battle dress trousers around his ankles. I took the goggles off, turned them so the "green eyes" would be facing him, held them over my head as high as I could (and I'm six feet tall), grasped a small tree, started shaking it and growling and roaring.

Ever see a grown man run with his pants around his ankles and screaming? Priceless. I bet he hates me to this day.

What have some of you guys done for a laugh?
Robin

When I was in training to be a PT instructor two of us rented a pantomime horse costume and went to the children's hospital to Cheer the kids up at Xmas but decided to keep the costume the full 24 hrs, bad idea. We thought however it would be a good idea after a few drinks to gate crash the Military Police horse mounted troop xmas dinner which we did and after misbehaving by throwing off as many troopers as we could who wanted to break us in we left after the Regimental Sergeant Major threatened to geld us as we were obviously stealing his thunder.
Our next port of call was the local police station where the front of the horse ( my buddy) decided to ask the desk sergeant if we were correct by looking for the " lost and found" department, " yes" he says we have found it. I don't to this day remember how come we ended up in a cell but it may have been when Ray asked if anyone had handed in a jockey and if so could we have him back please.
After 10 minutes in the cell we were offered tea and biscuits and then told them our story about the kids and the MP's which went down well with the coppers (policemen) on duty at Xmas.
Let me know if you want to hear the 3 bears costume story LOLddc3b

 

[SADS 669]

Sorry if this is military only. First of all thanks for your service. I never served but had family and friends that did. Thanks again for all that you guys have done and are doing. My military experience was designing various buildings for various bases. I always felt proud to do that and visit the bases.

So here's a story I got from my buddy who got into the 52nd airborne. Even though they said he wouldn't make it. Being he was 42 going in. Kudos for my buddy Sean.

My buddy Sean was the old man of the squad. The puppies that ran around him always thought that they were better faster and smarter than everybody else. Ahhhh dang youth. (Of course we've all been there). Well one day after running the hill they were having target practice with an RPG. Aiming at the tank. They only had two rockets. So who got there first and second got to shoot it. Well, my buddy got to shoot it first. The puppies gave him some growls because once again he showed them up. He had never shot the RPG yet. Boom!!! He nailed the tank. The other puppy missed.
Man I was proud of my buddy once again for showing that if you set your mind to it and never say quit. You CAN achieve your goal.
He served three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan and is back now.
I often share this story of "The Old Dog That Could".
It always makes my laugh and PROUD of all those who serve our country!!!!!!

I hope it's ok that I posted this here. Even though I was only a civi. However I've love my country and try to help those in need and try to do what's right for God, Country, and my Family. Even if I'm disabled.

Thank you all and God Bless you and all.

Well I am sure you have heard the joke about the young bull and the old bull and the cows in the field below....
The young bull wants to run down and chat up one of the cows and the old bull wants to walk slowly down the hill so he'll have enough energy left to chat up all the cows........ Great story thanks.

 

[CaptainRobin]

Hey guys, ain't posted here in a while, although I started this thread... I was a 12 Bravo... Combat Engineer. We blow things up using explosives. Training exercise in Grafenwohr... using non-electrical initiating devices (that's time fuze for y'all who don't know). You can caluclate the burn rate to the second. Anyhow, we went down range and set up for a road crater. That's a BIG hole in the road. An armored vehicle CANNOT negoicate it. Explosives are ALWAYS set up with dual igninating systems.... two time fuzes, two blasting caps. So we have probably 500 pounds plus esplosives in the ground. Decided to "get" the Platoon Sergeant who was running the range. We cut two lengths of fuze like a minute short of the main blast, and crimped blasting caps to them and attached fuze igniters to the opposite ends. We walked back to the observation bunker, and as soon as SFC ----- walked around the corner, popped the fuze igniters and tossed them in front of the bunker. We had two 'pop's as they went off. PSG is having fits because of a misfire, and we have to wait thirty minutes before investigating the cause. Then the main charge went off. I think he hit his head with his helmet on the concrete bunker's roof. Priceless.

 

[SADS 669]

This isn't a joke but fits with your post. Whenever my wife and I are dining out and there is a military person in uniform at that establishment, I always pay their bill for them including family without them knowing until the waiter/waitress tells them the bill is already paid. It happened to me once when I was at Fort Lewis and I have carried that tradition on for the last 28+ years.

Where do you normally eat I think I have an old uniform somewhere LOL...great tradition

 

[usandthem]

Hey guys, ain't posted here in a while, although I started this thread... I was a 12 Bravo... Combat Engineer. We blow things up using explosives. Training exercise in Grafenwohr... using non-electrical initiating devices (that's time fuze for y'all who don't know). You can caluclate the burn rate to the second. Anyhow, we went down range and set up for a road crater. That's a BIG hole in the road. An armored vehicle CANNOT negoicate it. Explosives are ALWAYS set up with dual igninating systems.... two time fuzes, two blasting caps. So we have probably 500 pounds plus esplosives in the ground. Decided to "get" the Platoon Sergeant who was running the range. We cut two lengths of fuze like a minute short of the main blast, and crimped blasting caps to them and attached fuze igniters to the opposite ends. We walked back to the observation bunker, and as soon as SFC ----- walked around the corner, popped the fuze igniters and tossed them in front of the bunker. We had two 'pop's as they went off. PSG is having fits because of a misfire, and we have to wait thirty minutes before investigating the cause. Then the main charge went off. I think he hit his head with his helmet on the concrete bunker's roof. Priceless.

I was a 12B also. We were in Germany about the same time. I was there from '81 to '84 and then from '86 to '88. I was in the 237th Engineers the first time and then the 547th. I spent way too much time in Graf. In '83 we built the new range for the Bradly. We were there about six months.

 

[Beans]

This isn't a joke but fits with your post. Whenever my wife and I are dining out and there is a military person in uniform at that establishment, I always pay their bill for them including family without them knowing until the waiter/waitress tells them the bill is already paid. It happened to me once when I was at Fort Lewis and I have carried that tradition on for the last 28+ years.

About two years ago my son was in Basic Training for the Navy. Came home for Christmas, due to the weather either in Chicago or here (giant snow storms both places), after about 5 day delay he made it out of Oklahoma only to be stranded in St. Louis. He said during he travels he never had to pay for a meal, aways paid by someone. Well I have decided to do the same, other day at a gas station, saw this you man with a Marine jacket on, asked him if he was in the Marines or just wearing the Jacket, said he was in, so I bought his Subway lunch. Since I live right next to an Air Force base I do not buy the Air Force people lunch or I would be broke. I try to buy for those who look out of place, just passing through. Went to the Airport to pick up my oldest son, saw this Navy guy, you could tell he had just completed training. I asked him if needed some help. Said he was being stationed at Tinker Air Force base, it was late and no one to pick him up. Well I helped him to were the taxis were, talked to the Taxi driver, like I was going to Tinker also, (I am an old guy), after getting the price and everything put the the yound sailor in the cab feeling like the Taxi will not rip him off since all the price etc had already be discussed.

 

[CaptainRobin]

Well... there I was... going down memory lane. I'd been active Army for a year. I was a PFC in the 5th Engineer Battalion of Ft. Leonard Wood, MO. A 'line dog' (which I was my entire twenty year career). Anyhow, there was a shortage of Drill Sergeants so Post HHC put a levy on the 5th EN BN for drill corporals.... guess who got 'drafted'? Yours truely. A freaking PFC, wearing a helmet liner with corporal stripes on it, given two days of training, then stuck in an OSUT Brigade as a DRILL CORPORAL! The OSUT BDE wasn't bad... two Drills to the platoon, early man, late man, and poor ole me, I had BANKERS HOURS. I'd even drive my POV to the ranges, didn't have to ruck it. Man.... I had it made in the shade....

Then, 'That tree fell down on me" (Hank Williams Jr.) ~ I got sent to a BCT Brigade.

ONE drill to the platoon. I was at work before revilie, I was at work after retreat. I became EVIL. The Platoon Daddy would tell the recruits (yes, that's what we called them... and even MUCH worse) there would be a room inspection the following morning after work call, which was some sort of range or training exercise.

Then, I got to play 'Herbie'... and NO one in the barracks.

So I would chose a room who had a 'cruit in it I didn't like, generally because he was a wus. Eight guys in a room, with bunkbeds and wall lockers. Footgear dress right dress under the bunks. Wall lockers all squared away. Floor buffed, everything just squared away.

But my DI had told me to go play 'Herbie' in one of the platoon bays.... so I did....

I would knock bunks over...tear the sheets and blankets off the mattresses. I would throw ALL foot gear for seven guys in a corner. I would empty all wall lockers and throw their contents into a pile in the middle of the room. Can you imagine seven guys sorting their uniforms, underwear, and socks after retreat?

Thing was, I ALWAYS left ONE recruit's bunk, footgear, and wall locker undisturbed.

The comments I'd hear the following day...... they didn't know who had done it, but it still was priceless. It is to this day.

Yes.............. I am EVIL!

 

[Buzzlitebeer]

Ok so I was a snot nosed 2nd class on night check on the Coral Sea....bored in the MED and no broken planes. Me and another guy opened the old mans drawer and found vienna sausages. I hate them BTW.

We carefully took off the label, cut the can around the middle, ate the sausages and the stuffed it full of tootsie rolls! sealed the can with some duck tape and put the label back on!!!

Now we were not there when the old man opened the can but the witnesses tell me my name was yelled first as the can flew across the room.!!

#2

I came to work one day on the beach in VA and opened my locker to get my coveralls. Pranks were happening everyday! No big deal but they were not there and a note made out of magazine letters said look in the freezer!!

there sat my coveralls perfectly folded and completely frozen!!!!

 

[Mark S.]

Well this is not a practical joke. It was an accidental happening that falls into the category. And the ramifications were really funny.


Was on 2 weeks reserve duty with another chief about 15 years ago. We were at Pearl Harbor. Was attached to the maintenance facility. Assigned to supervise a number of working parties of reservists around the base. One day we headed out to check on a group working on a ship. We had a rental car and thought we would see if we could drive on the pier. The PO waved us through with a salute. We were getting salutes all over. Figured that when they see khakis they salute. Better safe then to miss one. It was not actually a pier. Just the wall with a number of ships berthed.


We made a right turn, passed one ship and saw the one we were headed for. I said to my buddy who was driving to stop! Colors is going down. Everyone was at attention. He said colors already went down as we were leaving the building. What the $%^ is going on. We came to a stop and then it happened. Ding ding, ding ding, admiral on the pier. CRAP! Huh! What!! We looked around. We were the only vehicle and not a person in sight on the pier. They were all looking at us! What to do now? Let’s get out of here. Looks like an exit ahead to the right. Drove through a gate but it was a fenced in area with no other exit so we slowly drove back by the ship, they were still at attention with all eyes on us. We exited the pier.


We parked, waited a few minutes then walked to the ship. While waiting for the leading PO from the work crew my fellow chief had to open his mouth. He said that he heard “admiral on the pier” while we were walking in. Whats up with that? The watch, a PO2, said that the admiral stopped then turned around and left. Didn’t know why. Rich says, “sure it was an admiral and maybe just someone who wasn’t sure where they were going?” The PO replies that it was an admiral for sure. It was a white car with the lights on. No one is allowed on the pier with their lights on unless they are an admiral. I saw him coming so I called the CDO and we rendered honors. We were driving a midsize white rental and the lights were always on. Forget the fact that there were no flags or license plates indicating flag rank. Now all the salutes were making sense. This was when lights always on was just coming into existence.

So we leave. Later that day we had to go back on board for something. We went to the fantail to wait for our PO. I notice a familiar officers face at the rail very close to us and talking to another officer. I hear the word admiral and see him pointing out the exact path we drove and where we stopped. As they turned to walk away I realized the one guy was the CDO whom I had seen that morning. We were standing right next to all the photos of the ships officers. The other guy was the CO.

Our PO arrives and Rich says something about the “admiral”. The PO1 replies that the ship is buzzing about it. They are trying to find out who it was, why he showed up and what did they do to p&^% him off. To top it off the CO was out on running PT and there was an admirals office on that pier. He wanted to know what was going on and what admiral was on his pier and he didn’t know about it. And also what did the ship do to make him turn around and leave.


Now for the real kicker. The next morning the work crew shows up at the office we were working out of. They ship was GONE. Some of the crew on the ship berthed next to it said they pulled out about an hour ago. Totally unscheduled and unknown as to why. We reported the ship was gone to the command in order to reassign our working party. The command said they were not scheduled to get underway for a month. They had a lot of jobs in the pipeline for them and were trying to find out what was going on themselves.

We know exactly what happened but only told the other chiefs in the office. We didn’t even tell the working party. So we were admirals for a short time and caused an unscheduled ship departure.

 

[CaptainRobin]

That's a good 'un, Mark S.

 

[tomted62]

Best joke I ever played was on a new Lt that was assigned to the motorpool. My squad was working on our M113 APC he came over and introduced himself and said he wanted to learn about the different vehicles and asked if he could help. We gladly accepted his offer and put him to work "Greasing" the track pins because as all of you know, greasing track pins helps keep them flexible and prevents them from breaking. The motorpool Sgt walked by, looked at the Lt. and asked "Sir, just what the hell do you think you are doing?" The Lt told him what he was doing and why he was doing it..the Sgt just shook his head and said, "Carry on sir, carry on."

 

[GrizLeeBear]

I was a Navy E-3 just checked into my first duty station after A and B shcools at the Navy Detachment at Andrews AFB back in the sixties. I walked into the shop and was immediately told to go outside and help a retiring E-6 bring in his retirement uniform. It was all clean, white and starched with ribbons all over it from 24 years of service. He carried in his perfectly spit shined shoes. I stood there looking dumb holding the uniform, not knowing the name of a single person in the shop. Somebody pointed at a hook and I hung the uniform there. Ten seconds later someone told me to turn on the large, standing floor fan. I did so and ten seconds later it sucked that clean white uniform against its dusty safety mesh. After 24 years of good and honorable service, the man had to go to his retirement ceremony in his dungaree work clothes. But, his shoes still looked good. My bad!

 

[CaptainRobin]

I've been listening to Super Tramp this morning... 'Crazy' came to mind. Here we are... boarding an elevator. I'm with my Bud who will remaind unknown to you all. A small and petiete woman boards with us. She presses the button for the top floor. My bud is perhaps six two or three, weighs 220/230. There are others on the elevator. Door closes and elevator begins to rise. Bud RIPS a LOUD fart. He turns his head and looks at the petite lady and say 'Gawd**** LadY!' She got off on the next floor.