I think I'll just make a bunch of copies of this and start mailing them out:
Dear City, County, and State Offical,
Considering the substantial increase in metal detector crimes (Examples provided below) I fully understand and appreciate your dedicating the time to address these issues of great community and state importance.
1) Local Man Shoots Neighbor With a CZ-21 Metal Detector.
2) Drunken Detectorist Runs Over Beachgoer At The Beach.
3) Government Files Civil Suit Against Detector Companies For Second Hand Effect.
4) Four Detectorist Charged In A Fatal Drive By Shooting.
5) Law Enforcement Addresses Detector Gang Drug Distribution Ring.
6) Motorist Charged With DUI – (Detecting Under The Influence.)
7) Local Convenience Store Robbed At Detector Point.
8) School On Lockdown After Student Brandishes a Metal Detector.
9) Rape Victim Says Man Held A Metal Detector To Her Head.
10) Unemployment Rate Up Due To The Increase In Metal Detector Ownership.
11) Metal Detectorist Leaving Trash On The Beach.
12) Lost Class Ring Returned To Owner By Meth Lab Junkie.
Ok, I admit it. I made that last one up. No, wait a minute, I think I made them all up. But never mind, point is, nice to see you spending your time on our dime to address all these really important metal detector related issues.
